Are you searching for the secret to happiness and peace of mind in daily life?
People often treat happiness as some sort of an enigma. However, it may surprise you to learn that you hold the key.
Happiness and inner peace come from inside you. Your choices allow or disallow you to find contentment in life.
Why Quitting Trying To Be Happy Can Bring You The Biggest Joy of Life
Joy, as different feelings, isn’t something you acquire, but instead something you occupy. At the point when you’re seething pissed and tossing an attachment wrench at the neighbor’s children, you are not reluctant about your condition of outrage.
You are not pondering internally, “Am I at last irate? Am I doing this right?” No, you’re determined to inflict some damage. You occupy and live the indignation. You are the outrage. And afterward, it’s gone.
Similarly, as a sure man doesn’t think about whether he’s sure, an upbeat man doesn’t think about whether he’s glad. He just is, the way he is, joyfully accepting everyday joys of life.
What this suggests is that discovering joy isn’t accomplished in itself, but instead it is the reaction of a specific arrangement of continuous beneficial encounters. This gets stirred up a ton, particularly since joy is showcased so much nowadays as an objective all by itself. Purchase X and be upbeat. Learn Y and be upbeat. Be that as it may, you can’t purchase satisfaction and you can’t accomplish joy. It simply is—when you get different pieces of your life altogether.
Quit Being an Emotional Idiot
At the point when a great many people look for joy, they are really looking for joy: great nourishment, more sex, more opportunity for TV and motion pictures, another vehicle, parties with companions, full body rubs, shedding 10 pounds, getting women interested in you, getting increasingly famous, etc.
However, while joy is extraordinary, it’s not equivalent to satisfaction. Delight is associated with bliss however doesn’t cause it. Ask any medication someone who is addicted how their quest for delight turned out. Ask a miscreant who broke her family and lost her youngsters whether delight at last satisfied her. Ask a man who nearly ate himself to death how cheerful seeking after joy made him feel.
Delight is a bogus god. Research shows that individuals who center their vitality around materialistic and shallow joys end up increasingly restless, all the more impulsive and less upbeat in the long run. Joy is the most shallow type of life fulfillment and along these lines the simplest. Delight is what’s promoted to us. It’s what we focus on. It’s what we use to numb and occupy ourselves. Be that as it may, joy, while important, isn’t adequate. There’s something more.
Discovering Happiness doesn’t require bringing down one’s desires
A well known account recently is that individuals are turning out to be unhappier in light of the fact that we’re all narcissistic and grew up being informed that we’re extraordinary one of a kind snowflakes who is going to change the world and we have Facebook always disclosing to us how astonishing every other person’s lives are, yet not our own, so we as a whole vibe like poop and marvel where everything turned out badly. Goodness and the entirety of this occurs by of age 23.
Apologies, yet no. Give individuals more credit than that
For example, a companion of mine as of late began a high-chance business adventure. He evaporated the greater part of his reserve funds attempting to make it work and fizzled. Today, he’s more joyful than at any other time for his experience.
It showed him numerous exercises about what he needed and didn’t need throughout everyday life and it, in the long run, drove him to his present place of employment, which he adores. He’s ready to think back and be pleased that he let it all out in light of the fact that else, he would have consistently pondered “imagine a scenario in which?” and that would have made him unhappier than any disappointment would have.
No desire, no suffer.
The inability to live up to our very own desires isn’t contradictory to joy, and I’d really contend that the capacity to come up short and still value the experience is really a central structure hinder for satisfaction.
On the off chance that you thought you were going to make $100,000 and drive a Porsche promptly out of school, at that point your gauges of progress were slanted and shallow, you mistook your pleasure for joy, and the difficult smack of reality smacking you in the face will be perhaps the best exercise life ever gives you.
The “lower desires” contention succumbs to the regular old mentality: that satisfaction is gotten from without. The delight of life isn’t having a $100,000 compensation. It’s attempting to arrive at a $100,000 pay, and afterward working for a $200,000 compensation, etc.
In this way, I state raise your desires. Lengthen your procedure. Lay on your passing bed with a plan for the day a mile long and grin at the unbounded chance allowed to you. Make absurd principles for yourself and afterward enjoy the inescapable disappointment. Gain from it. Live it. Allow the to ground split and shakes disintegrate around you since that is the means by which something stunning develops, through the breaks.
Satisfaction isn’t equivalent to the energy
Odds are you know somebody who consistently has all the earmarks of being madly glad paying little heed to the conditions or circumstance. Odds are this is really one of the most broken individuals you know. Denying negative feelings prompts further and progressively drawn out negative feelings and passionate brokenness.
It’s a straightforward reality: poop occurs. Things turn out badly. Individuals upset us. Mix-ups are made and negative feelings emerge. What’s more, that is fine. Negative feelings are important and sound for keeping up a steady benchmark satisfaction in one’s life.
The stunt with negative feelings is to 1) express them in a socially adequate and sound way and 2) express them in a way which lines up with your qualities.
Basic model: An estimation of mine is to seek after non- viciousness
Accordingly, when I get frantic at someone, I express that outrage, however I likewise try to not punch them in the face. Radical thought, I know. (Be that as it may, I completely will toss an attachment wrench at the neighbor’s children. Attempt me.)
There’s many individuals out there who buy in to “consistently be sure” belief system. These individuals ought to be maintained a strategic distance from the same amount of as somebody who might suspect the world is an unending heap of poop. On the off chance that your standard of joy is that you’re constantly cheerful, regardless, at that point you’ve been observing an abundant excess Leave It To Beaver and need a rude awakening (yet don’t stress, I vow not to punch you in the face).
I think part about the appeal of over the top inspiration is the manner by which we’re advertised to. I consider part it is being exposed to upbeat, smiley individuals on TV continually. I consider part it is that a few people in the self improvement industry need you to feel like there’s a major issue with all of you the time. Or on the other hand perhaps it’s simply that we’re languid, and like whatever else, we need the outcome without really doing the difficult work for it.
Which carries me to what really drives joy…
Satisfaction is simply the way toward turning into your optimal Finishing a long distance race makes us more joyful than eating a chocolate cake. Bringing up a youngster makes us more joyful than beating a computer game. Beginning a private venture with companions and battling to make cash makes us more joyful than purchasing another PC.
Furthermore, interestingly, each of the three of the exercises above are exceedingly horrendous and require setting exclusive standards and possibly neglecting to constantly meet them. However, they are the absolute most significant minutes and exercises of our lives. They include torment, battle, even outrage and gloom, yet once we’ve done them we think back and get teary about them. Why?
Since it’s these sorts of exercises that enable us to turn into our optimal selves. It’s simply the ceaseless quest for satisfying our optimal selves that awards us joy, paying little mind to shallow delights or torment, paying little mind to positive or negative feelings. This is the reason a few people are glad in war and others are tragic at weddings. It’s the reason some are eager to work and others despise parties. The attributes they’re possessing don’t line up with their optimal selves.
The final products don’t characterize our optimal selves
It’s not completing the long distance race that satisfies us; it’s accomplishing a troublesome long haul objective that does. It’s not having a wonderful child to flaunt that satisfies us; it’s realizing that you surrendered yourself to the development of another individual that is exceptional. It’s not the eminence and cash from the new business that fulfills you, it’s the way toward defeating all chances with individuals you care about.
Furthermore, this is the explanation that attempting to be glad unavoidably will make you miserable. Since to attempt to be glad infers that you are not previously occupying your optimal self, you are not lined up with the characteristics of who you wish to be. All things considered, on the off chance that you were showcasing your optimal self, at that point you wouldn’t want to attempt to be cheerful.
Prompt articulations about “discovering bliss inside,” and “realizing that you’re sufficient.” It’s not so satisfaction itself is in you, it’s that joy happens when you choose to seek after what’s in you.
What’s more, this is the reason satisfaction is so short lived. Any individual who has define out significant life objectives for themselves just to accomplish them and understand that they feel a similar relative measures of bliss/misery realizes that joy consistently feels like it’s around the bend, simply sitting tight for you to appear. Regardless of where you are throughout everyday life, there will consistently be that one more thing you have to do to be extra particularly upbeat.
Furthermore, that is on the grounds that our optimal self is in every case just around that corner, constantly three stages in front of us. We fantasy about being an artist and when we’re an artist, we fantasy about composing a film score, and when compose a film score, we fantasy about composing a screenplay. What’s more, what is important isn’t that we accomplish every one of these levels of achievement, however that we’re reliably moving towards them, for quite a while, after a seemingly endless amount of time after month, after quite a long time after year. The levels will go back and forth, and we’ll keep following our optimal self down the way of our lives.
Furthermore, with that, concerning discovering satisfaction, it appears the best counsel is additionally the least complex:
Envision who you need to be and afterward step towards it. Think beyond practical boundaries and afterward accomplish something. Anything.
The basic demonstration of moving at all will change how you feel about the whole procedure and serve to rouse you further.
Relinquish the envisioned outcome—it’s a bit much. The dream and the fantasy are simply devices
How to Choose Happiness and Peace of Mind in Daily Life
Even holding the key, you need to know how to use it in order to unlock happiness and peace of mind. It will improve your health and make life more exciting. Keep reading to learn how to choose happiness and peace of mind.
1. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness refers to a state of awareness in the present moment. While living mindfully, you focus on your current sensations, thoughts, and feelings.
In this state of mind, you simply accept what is without judgment or argument. This helps ward off anxiety and depression, two conditions that commonly plague our fast-paced society.
Anxiety often occurs with fears about things that might happen. Depression typically comes about when people cannot let go of things that happened. Bringing yourself into the present moment frees your mind of these obstacles.
How to practice mindfulness
- get comfortable
- focus on your surroundings
- internally scan your body head to toe and see how everything feels
- let thoughts in and feelings flow
It may take a few times to really get into the now. But, eventually, this inner peace will come naturally.
Mindfulness can be practiced in every activity you are doing. Mindfully eating your meals, slowly chewing every bite, appreciating that you can sit comfortably and nourish your body in a delicious way. Sitting and observing your surrounding listening to sounds, looking people deeply into their eyes, taking your time to do any activity with your fully present mind and involving all tastes.
Once you learn to do your activities mindfully, you will jump into a next level of awareness and quality of life.
2. Get Active
Physical activity shapes up both your body and mind. When you get active, your brain releases endorphins that trigger the reward center. This makes you feel happy.
Joining a team sport gets you active while surrounding you with friends. Some people find running alone feels more therapeutic.
Yoga offers one of the most rewarding mind and body experiences. It truly works out every muscle but also eases you into mindfulness.
3. Build Positive Relationships
Though Americans often like to feel independent, humans thrive from the connections we make with other people. Our relationships impact both physical and mental health. In fact, they not only reduce our stress and make life happier, but positive relationships actually lengthen our lives!
To do this, surround yourself with positive people. Remember, to keep good friends, you must be a good friend. Treat people well and try to keep your interactions positive and finding inner peace will come easily.
Sometimes you need to step outside of the routine to feel free. Travel allows you to do just this.
We tend to get so caught up in the idea of tangibility, that we buy material goods to make us happy in a life we work away. Travel separates us from the materials we cling to and provides us with new experiences, the very source of meaningful happiness.
With this said, you may ant important items, like your car, if you decide to travel overseas for an extended period of time. Use the best auto transport company to deliver your car so you can make the most out of your travel experience.
5. Choose Happiness and Inner Peace
Stop searching outwardly for your happiness and peace of mind in daily life. You choose this by making healthy decisions, cultivating positive relationships, creating exciting experiences, and enjoying the moment.
It’s relatively easy to get peace of mind when everything is going well. The most challenging and important skill is to remain calm when things don’t go as you planned.
What to Do When Things Don’t Go as You Planned
Plans are good, plans are very essential, plans should be SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound). But the truth is that oftentimes your plans might not work out well. Regardless if you are a believer or not, there is a good proverb:
- Do you want to make God laugh? Make a plan.
You can spend precious hours planning, and the life will still prove you that you cannot control all the factors. Life simply goes the way it goes, and as you are not the only living being out there, it’s hard to predict all the possible scenarios. And it’s better this way.
It could happen that all goes as you predicted but a little thing changes the whole vision and when it does, you might need to change your plans because the ones you have set wouldn’t fit in the situation at hand. You can’t control what will happen in the next hour or the next minute or even the next second and so most of our plans are based on predictions which can change in a switch.
You might be the type that loves having everything well laid out from the clothes in your closet to the books on your shelf and even to the things you will do the next day. Well, that’s great but you must understand that you can’t control everything.
What matters most is that when situations arise and affects your plans, you must know how to manage it. You must know how to stand up from the situation and not dwell on spilled milk.
Should I Be Stressed About My Uncontrolled Plans?
Let me start by answering the question: No, you shouldn’t. Most times when our plans don’t go as we want, people tend to give up but really, giving up is a waste of time. When your plans seem to go out of hands, instead of worrying and stressing yourself –which wouldn’t solve anything, think of a strategy and make up for that plan.
Let me give you an example: you have an appointment by 8 am and you woke up around 7:30 am. Instead of lamenting about how you woke up late and how you have lost an opportunity, you can hurriedly get into the bathroom, forgo your breakfast and rush for your appointment. Before you leave your house, you can try to send a text message to the person you are going to meet with.
Plans get out of hands many times since nobody is perfect, so don’t waste your time stressing yourself over this, when you could be happy and relaxed instead.. It might not be easy, so here are some tips that can help you not to stress yourself over plans you cannot control:
- Develop a healthy optimistic attitude
There’s this secret in life that; what you think about constantly is what comes to you. You know how they say it: “what goes around definitely comes back around”. It is called the law of attraction.
An optimistic attitude keeps you in a zone of positivity in the sense that you are not worrying if something will go in a particular way but you are hopeful that it does.
Think positively, speak positively and always stay hopeful in every situation. Prepare for the worst-case scenario but stay hopeful that the best will come back to you. This way, even when things don’t go your way, you can easily accept it and move forward.
- Understand your environment
I mentioned earlier that you can’t control everything but well, there are some things you can control. You should understand your environment and know the things you can influence. When a situation beyond your control happens and you have to find an alternative route, you can depend upon the things you can influence and use them to turn the situation around.
Knowing that there are some things you can exert your influence upon helps you to stay calm in a situation when things are not working your way. It also helps you to stay in charge when things start to look funny. It’s like you know what you have authority over. So instead of stressing yourself, exert that authority but this cannot be possible if you don’t know what you have authority over. Simple isn’t it?
- Plan and then plan again (Have a back-up plan)
It goes this way; always have a plan B so that you have somewhere to go when plan A doesn’t work out. Don’t be ready to give up but have a back-up plan so that you have something to go back to when your plans go wrong.
You know what a back-up plan does, it eliminates the chances of you lamenting over the plan A that didn’t work out. This is something that is common to many entrepreneurs.
Ilene Gordon even said in an interview with the New York Times that plan A doesn’t work all the time because of so many factors and it’s always good to have a plan B. So, you see that it might not always be rosy but your plan B can get you covered.
- Learn to stay calm and think
This becomes easier when you understand that you can’t control everything in life. The solution to not stressing yourself is to simply not stress yourself at all. Do whatever you need to calm yourself on a daily bases, to better handle complications in the future: regular sport, sex, eating well and slowly or even a transcendental mediation! Yes, yes, it’s for people like you.
Once you understand that your plans might not work out, you would develop an attitude whereby you always stay calm and think on how best to solve your problems. If you don’t think and come up with a solution, a problem starts to look bigger than it should and then worrying begins.
Once you are able to think and find a solution, you are able to stop worry from raising its head. Think of a solution immediately you see a problem so you don’t slip into the zone of confusion. People begin to get stressed and worried when they are confused than any other time.
- Make lists and pinpoint the challenge
Sometimes you don’t even know where things went wrong. In this type of situation, you might need to make a list of the problems at hand so that you can trace the problems back to the root and pinpoint what the challenge is. Making lists helps you to know the real issue to be addressed and also to set your priorities right. With lists, you know what is urgent, important and what is not.
- Make the right plans and make it the right way
The reason why we have our plans not going the way we planned is because we didn’t plan well to start with. Plans should be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound. Sometimes we make plans that are not realistic and then we fret when they don’t happen.
Well, it wasn’t going to happen anyway. So, save yourself the stress and plan the right way. If you make your plans well, there won’t be much to stress yourself about. The way not to worry is to not create room for worry at all. Sometimes, you might need to consult people to help you with making your plans.
- Have plans to manage your stress
You might not be able to completely escape from worry when your plans don’t work out but there are some things you can do to relief stress. Meditation, breathing exercises, laughter, time management, physical movements and good eating habits are some things that can help. These things are what you can engage yourself in when you sense that you are getting worked up.
Don’t wait for stress or worry to get the upper hand before you start acting. You can also talk to someone you trust about those plans. There is always someone who is ready to help.
What Do I Do About My Plans Not Going My Way?
You only live once, so enjoy this life you have. Always follow up and follow through with your plans. You can’t because of unforeseen circumstances decide not to make plans. Just as I mentioned earlier, it is very important to make plans and to set goals. Track your progress and follow up with every step you take towards achieving your plans or your goals.
When you follow up with your plans, you will know immediately when things go wrong and you can fix those problems before they become a nuisance. This is one of the best ways you can fix the problem of plans getting out of hands. Don’t be ready to give up but decide that you will follow through with your plans, come what may.
Stay focused and be ready to deal with any issue. Adapt to any situation you have to face but remember that the goal is that you fulfill your dreams.
Lastly, when you make plans, try to get people (the right people you can trust) to know about it and help you with it. Don’t always assume that you can do it alone. The likelihood of achieving your plans when you work with the right people is higher than when you try to do it alone.
A lot of things would happen, life would want to change your plans but you are the captain of your life and you determine what happens to a large extent. Be determined to always win and never give up. When circumstances affect your plans, always remember that it is not worth it to worry or fret or be disturbed. Be in charge, stay calm, think and solve your problems.
Our financial situation can be a solid base for getting peace of mind. But does money make you happy? Money alone won’t influence our happiness but, the way we spend them will.
Why Spending Money on Experiences Instead Of Things is The Key To Happiness
As soon as your paycheck hits your account, do you swipe your debit card through the checkout pad faster than your thumb swipes through Facebook, Buzzfeed or Tinder?
Do new clothes, designer sneakers, expensive meals, and cutting-edge technological gadgets really bring lasting happiness?
The experts say no – they don’t!
Researchers at San Francisco State University suggest that centering one’s life around material possessions is damaging to your well-being. They say, “This curvilinear relationship between income and well-being suggests that the materialistic desires often found in contemporary society may not contribute to individuals’ happiness. Indeed, a great amount of research has supported a negative relationship between materialistic desires and well-being.”
Participants in this study realized (after buying things they temporarily desired) they would rather have put their money toward experiences increased their happiness over a longer period of time.
If this is true, why do we buy things we don’t need? In a way, this consumer behavior isn’t our fault. Our impulses are predetermined by our caveman instincts which prioritize short-term gratification over long-term happiness. Our brains respond to our attainment of short-term desires by releasing a thrilling shot of dopamine.
However, this instant gratification doesn’t make you happy for long. In this era of convenience and accessibility, it’s crucial to remember that investing in life experiences brings you the most happiness over time.
Life is all about memories. Just think about it:
In 30 years, would you rather remember watching a sunset on a beach with new and interesting friends from around the world or having a new iPhone 6? Plus, which display actually broke 4 months later.
Break out of your shopping addiction and limit your unnecessary spending. Instead, put your money toward travel, experiences, and memories – this will pay off greatly in the long run!
Millennial Spending Habits
Millennials (also called “Generation Y”) are the generation born after “Generation X” in the 1980’s and early 90’s. One of the key characteristics of this generation is their attitude toward money. Millennials see their workplaces much differently than previous generations.
We Millennials are often called “lazy” or “egocentric” by our elders. However, we just have different values: we value time more than money. After growing up in families with overworked parents, we have created a new attitude toward work. Instead of working overtime to “keep up with the Joneses”, the millennial generation values flexible work schedules and good work/life balances.
It’s good that we value our private time, however, the media and technology we absorb (especially social media) constantly seduces us into purchasing material things that don’t make us happy for long.
Researchers at Cornell University have shown that Millennials are tempted social factors to purchase “trendy” items. This is why people line up to get the newest clothes and gadgets; they increase our social value for a short time. However, this doesn’t increase our overall happiness. Attaching your self-esteem to material objects is very unhealthy.
Gilovitch (the author of the Cornell study) says, “Our experiences are a bigger part of ourselves than our material goods. You can really like your material stuff. You can even think that part of your identity is connected to those things, but nonetheless, they remain separate from you. In contrast, your experiences really are part of you. We are the sum total of our experiences.”
Gilovich’s findings are in the correlation with the Easterlin paradox, which says that money buys happiness, but only up to a point. “High incomes do correlate with happiness, but long term increased income doesn’t correlate with increased happiness.”
We easily adapt to certain things and lifestyles. “Lifestyle inflation” means that the more money we get, the more expensive lifestyles we live. Soon, we don’t take pleasure from the things we own, even if they initially made us happy. Over time, people’s satisfaction with the things they buy decreases; however, their satisfaction with the experiences they buy increases with time.
So, rather than buying fancy, overpriced objects, you’ll be happier spending money on experiences: attending art exhibits, participating in outdoor activities, learning new skills, or traveling the world. Make long-term investments in your individual happiness!
Spend less money on garbage that loses its value within a matter of weeks and more on things that nourish your mind and ensure unforgettable adventures. This will not only make you a more interesting and happier person – it will also spread positive change throughout your world.
So, how can you spend your money wisely? How do you switch your mindset from away from consumerist slavery to novelty? What can you do to ignore the advertising industry and make genuine decisions for your happiness?
Your money is precious. You’re trading your time (and your youth) to get it. Remember – it’s possible to buy almost anything you want, except your youth! You must value your time (and therefore, your money) wisely. So, how can you “experience” your money more?
1. Spend most of your money on activities that make you happy.
Dan Gilbert (a psychology professor at Harvard University) shows in this survey that people usually spend 46.9 percent of their waking hours thinking about things other than what they’re doing – and activity that doesn’t make them happy.
Dan says, “A human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind.” The cognitive achievement of abstract thinking has a huge emotional cost.
When focusing on experience, whether it‘s attending a concert, traveling, or having dinner with friends, it’s easier to tame our minds and focus on presence. The people in Dan’s study were most happy when they were thinking about what they were doing at the moment. Dan and his colleagues found that the type of experience we choose isn’t what makes us happy; what’s most important is our satisfaction and focus.
2. Save money and increase your peace of mind.
Stress is our worst enemy. It kills happiness and has a tremendous impact on our health. Today, Americans save less money (as a percentage of income) than ever before. Meanwhile, their credit card debts, student loans, and mortgage responsibilities are rising.
Instead of feeling insecure and worry about your debts and loans, buy yourself some lasting happiness by paying them off. The next time you have some extra cash to splurge with, see how much you can put toward your debt.
3. Spend your money on things you used the most.
Your money represents your precious time; when you buy things, make sure you will be able to “experience” their value. Make a list of your favorite ways to spend time. For example, I value a great bed and mattress – it’s a special place for me. I love to sleep, meditate, work, watch movies—and even eat my breakfast—in bed. For me, spending my extra cash on a good mattress was an investment in happiness.
Think about it – where is your “happy place”? If you sit a lot of in front of the computer, maybe buying a new insanely comfortable desk chair would make you happy over the long-term.
4. Be generous to your loved ones.
Share your money with the people who are most important to you. Sharing is an investment in your long-lasting happiness. Don’t be greedy with the people you care about. Take your Dad for a trip somewhere he hasn’t been or take a flower to a friend who’s having a bad time. Is there anything more rewarding than lighting up the face of a loved one with a bit of goodwill—or even some cash?
5. Buy your time when you can.
If you can afford it, pay someone to do the things you don’t like (or aren’t very good at). Not only will this person benefit from the money you pay them, you will be able to save your time for experiencing the things you like the most. For example, do you hate some menial task in your work? Use a site like Fiver to hire someone for 5 dollars to take this task off your plate.
The same concept applies to riding home at night on the bus or train. Maybe the 30 extra minutes of sleep you would get by taking a taxi instead would brighten your day tomorrow. Maybe it’s worth paying someone to come and clean your home and avoid arguing with your girlfriend about who will clean the place.
Outsource whatever you can to give yourself peace of mind and comfort. You need the freedom to enjoy simple experiences. Sit down, read a book (or do whatever else makes you happy) and actually enjoy your life!