How To Make Your Ex Want You Back (With These 9 Proven Steps)

By Patrick Banks

Posted 6 years agoDATING

How to make your ex want you back

Did your ex leave you? Do you think it’s the end of the world? Do your friends say there are other fishes in the sea, try to set you up with new people, and encourage you to move on?

You may appear receptive to this advice because, deep inside, you know that no other girl can replace her.

Back in 2010, I was crazy about a girl. She was cute, intelligent, inspiring, and full of life. We were together for eight months. At the beginning, it was great. However, at some point, I realized the things she demanded from me (such as commitment and monogamy) were more difficult to achieve than I had initially thought. I blew it with her (as I did with many women to that time…).

We fought a lot, but I always managed to get her back in the end. But, after one, final argument – she broke up with me. She literally didn’t want to see me anymore. I was devastated; I realized I didn’t want any other girl but her. I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I decided to do everything possible to make my ex want me back! After a few common mistakes (some drunk messages, unnecessary blaming, and needy behavior) I pulled myself together, changed my behavior, and got her back! Trust me; almost all “true love” relationships can be mended. Just take action with your head and not just with your emotions.

Why do women leave men?

From everything I’ve seen, there are a few common reasons why women leave men:

  • She felt unappreciated

She felt you didn’t give her enough affection and comfort. Taking your partner for granted is probably the most common mistake in relationships.

  • You didn’t speak the same language anymore

Sometimes, people grow apart and stop sharing the same values. Even in a great relationship, people find it hard to communicate; this can lead to serious misunderstandings.

  • She stopped seeing your masculine side

You may have made it too easy for her. If you chased after her too much, came across as nervous, or acted needy, there’s a very, very good chance she felt it was too easy with you. Girls like challenges, just like guys. When girls stop perceiving their partners as masculine, they’ve taken the first step to cheating.

  • She got bored

When you’re in a long-term relationship, things can easily get a bit stale. It can happen when you’ve been too long together. She may not feel you’re an interesting partner if you don’t share similar hobbies and your habitual activities are less fun than they were once .

No matter the reason for your break-up, stop worrying. If you were both truly in love and shared many amazing moments together, she can’t simply erase them from her memory! Try your best to think clearly and take action – now.

1. Forgive her

You’ll never be together again if you can’t forgive each other. Be the one to initiate this. Click the reset button in your head before building a healthy dialogue with your ex.

It doesn’t matter whose fault it was. Constantly reminding each other of your mistakes is totally pointless. Whatever she did wrong, get over it. If she deserves your love, then she also deserves your forgiveness.

Assigning guilt wastes precious time. She’ll notice and appreciate your maturity if you can move on and avoid fights.

2. Accept that you’re not together anymore

When you finally meet your ex, don’t behave as if you’re still together. Don’t kiss or hug her intimately when you meet. Make her miss physical contact with you and appreciate what she lost.

You are not a couple anymore. Show your maturity and strength of character by showing her you accept the situation. You don’t have to pretend you like being broken up. Just be honest with her and talk like adults should.

Showering your ex with affection, when she is still confused about her feelings towards you, is a huge turn-off. The more you smother her, the more trapped she’ll feel.

3. Don’t be needy

Just let her go and don’t chase her. Really. Maybe this sounds crazy to you, but (usually) the more people are chased, the more they run away. I know your instincts are telling you to call her, write her, and meet up with her. But you must refrain from doing this.

Nothing will make you less attractive in her eyes than chasing her. Every time you call or text your ex, you’re showing her you’re miserable without her.

Ignoring your ex is essential; it shows her you don’t NEED her to be happy. Pull away a bit, stop contacting her, and just live your own life. You’ll have time to develop a healthier attitude, and she’ll appreciate you more. It’s human nature to want the things we can’t have; this applies to women as well!

What if you already seemed needy to her?

If you’ve already made things way too easy for her, the situation is still not lost.

Try to make your ex a bit jealous and let her see you in a different light. Making her jealous makes you seem harder to get, and less available to her.

Make it smooth, so she knows this isn’t a game for you. You want to make her jealous, not hurt her. Don’t seem like a jerk who find himself another girl a week after a break-up.

Talk with other girls in her presence. Hint that you’re unavailable on a weekend night without saying why. She has to feel she’s the one you truly want, but she must know other women are interested in you too – and may snap you up.

4. Change your behavior towards her

Things may have bothered her about your relationship. There’s a good chance she’s already told you this!

Make a list and start gradually acting the opposite of how you did when you were together.

For example, if she was annoyed that you’ve never noticed her being dressed up, then compliment her appearance the next time you see her. Don’t be too pushy; just nonchalantly mention she looks good.

If she complained that you interrupted her and didn’t listen, make sure (the next time you see her) you give her space to express herself!

Make changes gradually, so you can observe and control her reactions. You don’t want her to notice you’re making an effort to change.

5. Become a better version of yourself

Be better than how she remembers you. Be hotter – way hotter… After she runs into you, she must think, “God, he looks amazing.” Looks can be a huge motivator for a woman to get back together with a guy.

Have you noticed how much time you have when you’re single? Don’t make the most common mistake people make by treating this precious time as a burden. Use it to work out at the gym or read educational books instead of complaining about how sad you are.

Change your sense of style, dress better, and get a trendy haircut. Run some good pomade through your hair to style a cool men’s hairstyle. Something as simple as trying a new modern haircut style and growing some stubble can completely change your look, especially if you’ve been keeping the same boring cut for years.

This also includes investing in quality shampoo, conditioner, and body wash to minimize hair loss and improve hygiene. Take it a step further and find a seductive cologne to wear on a special night out. Guys often think it takes a lot to turn on a girl and escape the friend zone, when in fact, it really comes down to the small and simple things that will make you more desirable.

In fact, you need to become a fun and interesting guy. Avoid talking about the stresses of school, your job, or finances. Instead, focus on happy aspirational thoughts and ask her about things she wants to accomplish or do in life.

When was the last time you did something new? Visited a new place? Worked on your body? Learned a new language or a new skill? Now is the time to grow!

Challenging yourself will keep you busy and boost your self-esteem. The next time you meet your ex, she will surely notice these changes.”

6. Keep yourself busy

Don’t think about her; it’s important for your sanity – and your relationship. The more time you spend mentally invested in a girl, the less effective you’ll be with her.

Hang out with friends, travel, and play sports. Use this “single break-up time” to organize your life and your mind. Date other girls and plunge into a hobby, activity, sport, or passion that consumes your thoughts.

Keeping yourself busy will not bring you anything positive; you risk stalking your ex-partner and sending her the wrong emotional messages.

7. Be patient

Give her some cooling off time… without you. If she ran off, she needs this time – maybe to remind herself how much she enjoys being with you. Give her time to notice her life is significantly less awesome without you.

Show her your calm, loving side without displaying any negative feelings. Become a person worthy of her love. Accepting she needs some time is a way of showing your love. Don’t smother her, don’t pressure her, and don’t harass her.

8. Don’t act emotionally

Don’t add any more pressure or negative feelings to your fragile relationship. The last thing she needs is to know how sad, angry, or jealous you are. In the beginning, this can make her feel compassionate for you, But later she will be just annoyed.

It’s a huge mistake to text and call your ex all the time. In fact, it’s a mistake to call them even once! Put your emotions away; plan your contacts with your ex carefully, as if you were walking on ice!

No matter what, avoid being too cute or pushy. When she’s annoyed at you, her tolerance for “cutesiness” falls to zero.

9. Set up a meeting in person

Set up a meeting in person. Pick a time and place in which you can talk comfortably and prepare yourself well in advance. Think about what you want to tell her – and how you want to say it.

Focus as much on your masculine and confident body language as what you want to tell her. Remember – 38% women judge men on how they speak and only 7% care about what they say!

Preparing for your meeting will help you act more confident and take the lead again. Taking the initiative in your interactions should be your main goal. Women want a man whose life wisdom and power they can trust and follow.

Use the time you have with her wisely and evoke the emotional side of her brain. She needs to remember the good times you had together, how much she enjoyed your company and the great memories you shared.

Focusing on positive moments and interacting with a mature, loving, attractive version of you should release oxytocin in her brain. This hormone is produced when you’re with people you love; it will subconsciously remind her of how much she missed you.

Don’t meet with her if you aren’t ready, otherwise, you might say something you’ll later regret, or she’ll think you appear needy. When she asks how you’re doing, don’t pour out all of your feelings. You’re fighting for her true love, not her compassion!

About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.