How To Smoke Weed Without Anyone Noticing: The Stoner’s Guide to Survive A Pandemic

By Patrick Banks

Posted 4 years agoOTHER

The global pandemic has made us all value toilet papers more than ever. The chaos at the beginning of the pandemic showed us the reality of how people fought over it, while the supermarkets bared their empty aisles. But that’s not the only place where people are hoarding.

A New York Weed Business, who chose not to reveal his name, admitted that he saw an increase of 500% in sales during the Covid-19. And that’s just one business. Imagine the collective shoot in the sale of cannabis.
And all I can visualise are the budtenders sleeping on a pile of money. 

In conclusion, we are locked and baked!

While social distancing and sanitizing is the norm to survive the virus, let’s look at some surviving tips for all the passionate stoners out there who are anxious that they will run out of their stash.

How to preserve your weed in a safe way

  • Own up and make weed ration

    The world might seem like it is ending but hey, we need our weed. One of the most helpful things is to ration it and stick to the amount dedicated for each day. 

    Use the medicine box and layout your weed consumption for the week, like a diet plan. But trust me, it would be much easier to follow. 

    Even though being quarantined with your stash has been every stoner’s dream, you don’t wanna be quarantined without it. So keep it safe and minimum, until you can strike a deal with the budtenders again. 

    • Bake to get baked

    This is my favourite way to consume any buds and flowers as you get the benefit of two, in one! 

    Put on your apron, shred the weed in your brownie batter, bake it, and play some music. Now dance and sway and let the heavenly taste of chocolate and the feel of weed take over your worries. 

    Ahem, coming back to why it helps to conserve your stash. 

    It has been proven that consuming cannabis-infused edibles give you a steady high which lasts for three to four hours or longer. On the contrary, smoking your weed will only affect you for an hour or two. 

    • Just Vape it!

    Vapes are like the new guy in school who takes up all the attention!

    The latest addition to the already vast list of smoking paraphernalia, vapes have been expanding their market ever since. Whether you’re looking to quit smoking, or just have a flavoursome smoking session, or looking to smoke some dabs, vapes are always there for you. 

    Now, how does vape help to save the weed?

    A study that involved 100 people concluded that vaping buds and flowers produce more potent effects with less weed, along with a heightened sense of flavour. Not to mention, vaping is easier on your lungs, it is less harmful than spliffs and bongs, plus you are less likely to get addicted to weed via vaping.

    How To Smoke Weed Without Anyone Noticing?

    • Smoke Smarter & Better

    When it comes to conserving anything, you have to get your creative juices flowing and find new ideas to do so. 

    Here are some of them which I personally follow, starting with bongs. When you fill the bong with weed and light it, start with the corner most side of the bowl. You can’t inhale the entire bowl in one toke, so you might as well consume it little by little. Smart, isn’t it?

    If you’re an avid user of bong or pipes, you may use a lighter to wake up your weeds. However, lighters usually make your weeds burn faster, thereby, making them last for a really short time. So what’s the alternative you ask? Hemp Wicks!

    Using a wick doesn’t just prevent the inhalation of butane fumes but also makes the weed burn at a slower rate. 

    • Shred and Save

    It’s time to upgrade your herb grinders!

    Having three or four-piece herb grinders are an excellent way to fully utilize your buds and flowers. These grinders usually have a section that preserves the kief which naturally falls from cannabis flowers during grinding. These powdery trichrome are rich in THC and can be used when you’ve run out of the good stuff. 

    And if you’re looking to upgrade your grinders, Olivatsu, an online headshop is still delivering smoking paraphernalia to your doorstep!

    Now that we have cleared how to use your stash responsibly, let’s see what other measure pot lovers are taking in their fight against the global pandemic. 

    This one’s for all the stoners stuck inside with their family and don’t have the freedom to get high. While the outside is dangerous for everyone, we have been trying to survive on the inside. So, if you’re someone who has to smoke behind closed doors and odd hours here’s a cheat sheet to make things slightly easier. 

    Get the Red Out!

    Apart from the smelly hands and your own behaviour, the bloodshot red eyes are what gives your secret away. And we all know that they don’t go away instantly and can also lead to dryness and itchiness. Unless you want to wear sunglasses indoors like a dork, let’s see what you can do to get rid of the red.

    Even though many people ask stoners to hydrate themselves to get rid of the red eyes, it’s not true. Hydration can at best relieve you from the dryness and itchiness, but it would in no way make your eyes the normal white colour. 

    What truly works are the eye drops! Not just any, you have to get the one designed to overcome allergies. Since consuming THC makes blood vessels and capillaries dilate, the tetryzoline in the eye drops causes the dilated blood vessels to constrict. This is by far the safest and the most instant way to get rid of the bloodshot eyes that act as a snitch. 

    However, before you proceed, it is recommended to have a good look at the instructions to know you’re using them properly. 

    Other alternatives work for people are consuming chocolates, caffeine, or sodium which help to constrict the blood vessels. 

    Now that our eyes are back to normal, what do we do with the smell?

    Getting Rid of the Weed Smell

    • From your breath

    The smell of weed stands out and can be very easily recognized as something “suspicious”, especially when your parents wear the detective cap and get to work. The easiest and the oldest trick is to use a strong mouthwash. Listerine is the most obvious choice here but make sure it is the minty flavour as they are stronger and help to vanish the smell quickly. Alternatively, you can also brush your teeth or pop a chewing gum to make sure nothing smells fishy. 

    • From your room

    There is a lot that can stay in the room. Starting from the bottom, your hidden stash smell can give the secret away. Make sure you look for those smell-proof baggies to store your stash, cause’ with them, nothing escapes outside. 

    Once your collection is nicely hidden, start with the room. The smoke and smell left behind is the biggest giveaway to your earthy secrets.

    What do we do? We burn incense sticks and candles to overpower them! 

    You can get many therapeutic aromas and specialised candles that are designed to get the smokey smell out of the house. Moreover, the smoke from them can hide the actual smoke from weed. Alternatively, you can also use air-freshener to do the job for you.

    • From the surfaces

    Although most people consider weed smell to settle in the air and into fabrics, the scent can also penetrate harder surfaces. We won’t ask you to clean your surface after every smoke, but take the time to clean it once in a week if you’re an ardent smoker. Make sure to use some strong fragrance that can easily mask the overpowering weed smell. 

    I would advise opting for natural scents instead of the chemicals once, as they are less harmful and more soothing. 

    • From your hands

    You break the buds, and stash it into the rolling paper, and then smoke it, All of these involve your precious fingers doing all the hard work for you. Most often than not, your fingers have a hint of greenish hue that might look like you’re turning into the Hulk. But before you go on to fantasize about the Avengers, let’s get the smell off. 

    The most common way is to use a sanitizer and a lotion/cream. The alcohol and the intense aroma of sanitizer will hide the smell of cannabis. On the other hand, sanitizer dries your hand so use a generous amount of lotion to make your hands soft again. 

    A pro tip that I learned from one of my homies is that you should use the less dominant hand to smoke. If you’re a righty, use the left, and vice versa. Since you use the dominant hand for most of the work, the smell can be given away easily. 

    There you go! Your weed is stacked, your eyes are normal, your breath, room, surface, and hands smell great. 

    You’re officially all packed and stacked to survive the pandemic and come out of the tunnel as a winner. Things only get better from here!

    That was the stoner’s guide to survive a pandemic. Hope it made the difficult year a little more bearable. We are all in this together guys! 

About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.

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