Just Engaged? Questions to Ask Before Marriage and How to Avoid The Before Wedding Fights

By Sarah Williams

Posted 1 year agoDATING

Your beautiful relationship finally leads to a proposal! You’re now a newly engaged couple and you’re over the moon — we know that feeling. Have your moment and enjoy your new reality; you’re getting married. So, engaged, what next?

It’s time to plan a wedding, but don’t rush into it so that you don’t make mistakes or put yourself into a lot of stress or even an argument with your loved one. We’ve put together a step by step wedding planning guide to help you. From getting an engaged box, drawing a schedule, and more. See the top six things to do after getting engaged.

But before… Better reconfim your decision. Just in case 😉

10 Things A Couple MUST Talk About Before Getting Married

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

-Paula Deen

Getting to know what your partner’s needs and expectations are before a marriage is a recipe for a successful marriage. Some people look like deer in the headlights when they are asked about their future plans. Future plans are one of the most important questions to ask before marriage, unless you known them of course!

It is better to discuss certain future plans with your significant other to save yourself from pulling your hair out later or maybe even worse…a break up.

Both of you have some assumptions and ideas about what marriage looks like. It is both of your responsibilities to find those and talk them out to save yourselves a lot of resentment in the future.

Here is a little checklist of things to talk about with your significant other before you get married (this is best done with a bottle of wine!)

Finances

“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.”

-Henny Youngman


Ahh the grand old discussion of finances. It is advised to share your savings and bank account information well in advance and have a talk about finances.How much is their credit score? How much debt are they in?

Discuss purchase plans for major purchases such as houses and cars. Will you have a joint account for shared expenses and a separate account for buying you own individual items?

According to a new survey from the American Institute of CPAs (AICPA) and the Ad Council, among adults ages 25-34 who are married or living with a partner: “Almost half (47 percent) of those who are married or living with a partner say all of their expenses are shared equally.”

Talk about your money spending habits and financial responsibilities. If you or your significant other has significant wealth or valued assets, you guys should talk about getting a prenuptial agreement. Prenuptial agreements are controversial discussion topic among couples.

“I can’t believe he asked me for a prenup…he doesn’t really love me”

Sigh. Prenups have nothing to do with whether or not your significant other loves you. Don’t take it the wrong way but prenups are about protecting finances, assets, and having a disaster plan in place for the worst case scenario.

This doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t love you or intends to leave, nor does it mean that he isn’t fully invested…it is about having insurance for your assets IF the worse happens. In short, marriage is a huge risk, especially for a person with a lot of assets.

Kids

It is very important to discuss if you want kids or if you don’t want kids. If yes, how many? You should talk about if you would like to have a kid, maybe 1 or maybe 3 or maybe a whole football team of kids.

With the global warming situation not having kids or having just one is actually the best you can do… World has more human beings than it can sustain, and adoption is much better than making your own child.

If you decide to have your own kinds, then the question is when. Some couples want to have kids after finishing school or after marriage or after establishing a stable career. It depends on each person.

You should also have a real discussion on how your kids will be raised if you decide to have kids. Discuss religion, parenting methods and overall just try to understand each other’s visions on raising a child.

Career/Work

Be sure to express what each of your career goals are. Talk about how important it is to you and where you want to go in your career. Is their work/career always going to be a top priority for them? What happens if one of you gets a nice job in a different area? Or if your significant other’s job requires them to travel a lot, will you guys be okay with that?

Understanding your partner’s priorities and future career goals can set the right expectations.

You should discuss work hours and set the proper boundaries. Imagine coming home from a really long day at work and your significant other is complaining that you do not give them enough attention!

Sex

I have a friend that dated a girl for quite some time in college. They got along well with each other BUT…the only problem was the sex. Or the lack of it. Sex was pretty important to my friend and his girlfriend at the time did not care for sex at all. Soon enough, after a lot of frustration, they broke up.

Not to sound all gloomy…but this was an obvious sign of incompatibility and my friend is probably better off finding someone more compatible. You will potentially sleep with only one person for the rest of your life. It is important to be with a partner that fulfils your sexual needs!

It may take a few conversations to get comfortable enough to be talking about sex during marriage openly. Talk about how frequent you want to be having sex, your wildest fantasies, your secret fetishes, and also if you have sexual traumas or dysfunctions. Are they open to trying new things in bed? How will you each respectfully reject sex some nights? How about giving oral?

If it really matters to you and you are feeling extra extra brave, you should talk about how many sex partners you have had in the past. Remember, the past is the past and it is really immature to bring up sensitive private information in an argument!

If you or your partner does not feel comfortable discussing this topic, it might be best to seek a premarital counsellor to help you work through it. Read the following techniques if you feel that being jealous of your girlfriend’s sexual past maybe a serious issue for you.

Relationships

It is important to set boundaries from the get go so your significant other understands the expectations when hanging out with friends.

What is considered cheating? Can you handle your partner hanging out with certain friends without bothering you? Does your partner have friends you do not get along with? Who is your partner’s best friends? Are they a good influence or a bad influence? Your partner’s relationships can affect your relationships.

Nobody wants to be the known as the controlling boyfriend or girlfriend, but that is why it is key to talk about what you and your partner does that could put the relationship in jeopardy. Be open to discussing what makes you feel uncomfortable and communicate that with your partner.

Health

Talk to your significant other about your health habits. Do you go to the gym often, diet or even cook healthy meals daily?

Hitting the gym after work is a big priority for me. It keeps me stress-free and in a good mood. I make sure I talk to my partner so they know that we can hang out after I hit the gym. I get the occasional “you don’t pay enough attention to me”, but I make it clear that keeping healthy is important to me and my partner understands (for the most part).

Lifestyle habits are an important topic to discuss, however, a discussion on your significant other’s health is crucial. Ask your partner if they are allergic to anything and their family’s medical history should also be included. Are there any hereditary diseases or anything in your family’s medical history your partner should be made aware of? Do you have any chronic pains your partner should know about? How about mental or emotional problems?

Understand the risks of your spouse’s future as well as perhaps your future children

Location

Location, location, location. You might’ve heard it before, but the location is everything. Where you each plan on living has a big impact on the health of your relationship.

Where do you guys seeing yourselves living? Can you agree on which place to move to? Maybe you guys are from different areas and all your friends and families will be in different regions. What will you do then? Are you open to a long distance relationship?

My aunt and uncle dated through most of their college and throughout medical school—long distance. Now, they are married with two children living in California. A distance may not be for everybody but it should be discussed because life happens, things change, and it may cause you to be away from one another for a couple years.

It is important that you inquire about things that might happen that could change your life situation. Decisions as big as the location can be unimaginable to compromise on.

Religion

This is a very important and serious topic to discuss. You must discuss your beliefs and ideologies with your partner. What if their ideologies are absolutely different and you cannot put up with it?

Your significant other may not be religious while you may be a passionate Christian. What would you do then? Also, what religion or no religion will your children be raised with? Will they follow one of your religions or will they be able to choose their own?

It should be noted that some churches even offer “premarital counselling” to talk about religion after marriage. It is a fantastic idea to reach out to some local churches to discuss potential issues concerning religion before you get married.

Parents

“What’s the difference between outlaws and in-laws?” –Outlaws are wanted”

-Unknown

You are going to be kicking yourself in the butt if you do not discuss the parents’ situation. You must discuss the parents’ situation.

Just Engaged? 6 Top Things To Do After Getting Engaged

Ok, all went well and you double check your marriage decision. Perfect. Now is time to cherish your engagement and pre-wedding time. Yay!

1. Lay the groundwork

After taking some time by yourself to get used to your reality as newly engaged, it’s time to plan. Lay down groundwork by getting your stuff together. You have that preferred vendor, dream venues, awesome wedding ideas, dream theme, and other checklists. Create a spreadsheet on your electronic devices and document them.

Better still, you can get an engaged box from brands like Miss to Mrs and other bridal platforms. Such an engagement box contains planners and checklists that you can document all your ideas. You’ll also find other timely hacks that will make your planning easier. Put them together in one place, so that you can focus properly

2. Share your news

Share your engagement news with family and close friends. It is in bad taste for them to get the news from social media or someone else. If they were there at your engagement, skip this part.

Get a manicure and have your finger snapped along with your rock at various flattering angles. Get the best pictures and share your news on your social media accounts if you will. Shut Instagram down with your wedding hashtag.

3. Pick possible wedding dates

Unless you’re having a quick court wedding at the town hall, almost no one chooses a date immediately. So, don’t fret. Choose your best season of the year for getting married and pick two or more possible dates. It could be winter, summer, autumn, or fall. Picking multiple dates lessens the pressure and gives you enough time to do your best. By the time that wedding planning kicks off, you’d be sure of your wedding date.

4. Discuss finance

Do you have a dream wedding? Have you ever imagined that your wedding will be hosted at a particular destination? Do you want your wedding to be big or small? Now is that time to discuss your finances with your partner to achieve that dream. Discussing finances puts you and your partner on the same page. You’ll talk about how much you’re willing to spend and how much you have. You may also draw a budget and start saving towards your day

5. Draw a schedule

Cake trials, vendor interviews, make up trials, venue checks, food testing, trunk show dates, and everything else. Draw a schedule that accommodates your to-do list with months and dates. This helps you take conscious steps and reduces overwhelm.

6. Plan your engagement party

After getting the top five most important steps out of the way, it’s time to relax and have some fun. You may choose to plan your engagement party or delegate if you will. Friends or family could also have one hosted for you. This is your first confirmatory appearance with your beloved. Break a leg and have maximum fun!

Many intending brides are quite confused about what to do when engaged. With these six top things to do, you’ll learn how to start planning a wedding without stress.

Top 10 Wedding Fights Engaged Couples Have (and How To Avoid Them)

So many things can go through your mind when trying to figure out how to start planning a wedding. This can result in a lot of pressure and friction. Asides from decisions on the budget, family, venues, and guests, there are so many other things that can cause couples fights. 

Fighting before marriage is no new phenomenon, and some people say that the couples who fight together, stay together. This is because sometimes, fighting is how people learn each other’s boundaries and get to understand each other better. However, it would be much better to be engaged and plan your wedding with a better understanding of each other achieved through communication and compromise that puts the other person first. So,do not fret and follow us as we give you tips on keeping these fights at bay as much as possible. 

Top 10 Wedding Fights Engaged Couples Have (and How to Avoid Them)

1. The wedding

Top on the list of culprits that can cause fighting before wedding between a couple, is the wedding itself. There are so many decisions that need to be made before wedding date, and there is no assurance that you will agree on them all.

One good step to take would be to create a wedding checklist together and decide on which things are important and need input from both of you, and which are not so important. It would also help to agree beforehand that you will keep the focus on you both and your wants over those of family and friends. 

2. Your partner’s level of involvement

Another aspect that can bring up fighting during wedding planning, is the part each partner gets to play in the process. It is common for one partner to feel either left out, or feel like they are carrying the burden of the planning alone. It is important that you both put in an equal amount of work, and work together, not against each other.

Another great option would be to play to each other’s strengths. And so, the person with a good taste in music could handle the entertainment vendors, and the other person who is great with menus handle the caterers and you compare notes at the end of each day or week. At the end of the day, finding this balance and working together to achieve something, will bring you both even closer. 

3. The prenup 

Sometimes after an engagement, it is discovered that one partner desires a prenup and the other does not. This can be a source for relationship problems after engagement. It’s a good idea to keep in mind that a prenup can help you resolve a number of issues in your relationship before you jump the broom.

Money and finances are vital topics in marriage that can become a bone of contention in the future if not planned adequately. A prenup can help you sort out not just the financial issues, but emotional issues you might have had surrounding money in the relationship. And it would be best for both parties to move forward without the burden of unresolved issues. 

4. Life goals

Goals are important because they help you decide a lot of things in your life. Where you would live, how many kids you would have if any, what type of businesses you might build, among other things. The engagement period is the time some couples get to know the most about each other, because they realize that they are taking a vital and final step to be together. This is when they find out certain topics that they see differently and how different some of their individual plans for the future might be. 

It is important to take some time to talk about these issues and hash them out before the wedding. If they cause quite a bit of friction, you can employ the services of a therapist to help you both see things more clearly. 

5. Finances

Money is one of the biggest relationship problems a couple can have. Bills, expenses, budgeting and purchasing. It is an ugly subject sometimes, but one that will need to be tackled in any relationship if it is to succeed. Finances can be quite the touchy subject and not everyone is willing to be open about where they stand.

However, it is important to get on the same page about who will be responsible for what financially, if you would want a joint account for a percentage of or all of your money, daily expenses planning, and so much more. Working this out before the wedding is a preventive measure, which will save you a lot of headache in the future. 

6. In-laws

While a number of in-laws get over-involved in a couple’s relationship after the engagement, it is usually healthier to have some space. And so, even though in-laws on both sides would no doubt be involved in the wedding preparation, it is your duty as a couple to draw the line if and when this involvement goes too far.

It is important to actually discuss how you would manage both sets of parents and relatives. Set boundaries when necessary, and even discuss how much of their involvement you would allow after the wedding, even when you have children. Also, try your best to maintain a united front that helps you to achieve your goals without offending either party. 

7. Religion

If you are a couple with different religious practices and beliefs, then this could be another source for fighting before marriage. Sometimes even with couples of the same faith, it is necessary to discuss how to avoid arguments before the wedding because expectations might not be the same.

Each family and denomination have their own set of traditional practices that they expect to carry out during a wedding, and most parents expect their children to abide by these practices.

However, it is important that you both discuss this before hand and come up with an agreed upon plan for your special day. This before involving family and explaining your wish for your wedding to them. It would make for a much easier approach. 

8. Wedding décor and theme

Most people have a picture in their minds of what they expect their wedding to look like, and sometimes the smallest things turn out to be the top reasons couples fight. Seemingly little things like the theme of the wedding and the decoration of the venue. It is normal to have different tastes, but it is vital to remember that a successful marriage will figure out a way to blend both tastes into one, and a wedding would make a great trial run.

Some compromises would have to be made, but keeping each other in mind, it would be better to agree on aspects of the décor and the theme that would rely on either you or your partner’s tastes. 

9. Friends

Friendships and peer pressure are just some other factors that can affect a wedding either positively or negatively. While not all friends might be likable to one’s partner, it is good to remember that these people mean something to your partner and your day would not feel the same without them.

And so, if there is any dislike, it would be best to decide to tolerate these friends for the duration of the wedding. Keeping the love you have for your partner in mind, it should be much easier to tolerate and avoid wedding fights, than succumb to emotions which would potentially hurt your fiancé before the wedding. 

10. The past

Whether it is your fiancé’s ex or a part of their history you do not particularly like, this would not be a good time to be jealous or judgemental.

If there are any unresolved issues surrounding the past, it would be best to discuss it with your wife before the wedding. Also if anyone would be inviting an ex to the wedding, it is important not to add their name to the guest list without consulting your partner. This should be top on the list of the guide on how to avoid fights before a wedding. 

Express your feelings about the past as best you can and come to a resolution on how involved any of your ex’s would be in your lives going forward. 

The engagement period is never as easy as it sounds, and couples fights are pretty normal, especially with all of the wedding planning underway. At this point in the relationship, a number of hot topics could come to the fore and trigger conflicts. However, with preventative conflict resolution, you could build a more healthy relationship through all the stress.

Okay , that’e enough about the potential wedding issues. Let’ focus on the most magical part, which is the dressing up! Which girl never thought about becoming a princess?? Wedding celebration is time for that!

Top 5 Most Popular Designs for Bridesmaids Dresses

The moment you announce your proposal marks the beginning of a wild and certifiably memorable wedding journey. Whether you’re still just beginning to plan your big day or you’re deep in the throes of wedding prep madness, there’s no denying that there is so much detail involved in arranging a wedding. From cake decor to planning your honeymoon to choosing the perfect dress – weddings are a lot of work. 

Since the pandemic happened, many couples may have chosen to move their wedding dates up a year. Fast forward to today, and we’ll see that a lot has happened on the wedding scene. Luckily, many brides have their bridal squad to help them with the crazier stuff. 

Your bridesmaids are your support group from your preparation period until your wedding day. They are your best girls! Naturally, you would want only the best look for them as they stand by you on one of the biggest days of your life. Their wedding dresses should look effortlessly chic and tied together, like these trendy styles on https://www.justinalexander.com/. Sadly, that “effortless” look almost always requires a ton of effort. But don’t worry, here are a few ideas to get you started on choosing the perfect style for your bridal squad.

Bridesmaids Dress Trends for 2021

Bold Prints

2021 is the year for the ambitious, and what better way to embody that than through an eye-catching pattern? We often picture bridesmaids’ dresses as monochromatic variations of the same dress, but current wedding trends suggest going in a different direction.

Playful patterns like large stripes or dainty florals can give your bridal party a youthful look that will surely make your wedding photos pop. Bohemian brides, rejoice! Of course, it’s still a wedding, so make sure that you choose classic colors and coordinating themes that bring out the glow in your bridesmaids. You can use a color palette inspired by your bridal bouquet to get that effortlessly chic yet upbeat style. Choose a dress pattern that you love and get it in multiple cuts for more variety. Bright, matching prints will look so pretty next to you on the aisle.

If you’re going with bold designs, you won’t need much accessorizing or bright makeup. Just a pop of color on the eyes to match your dress, and your bridesmaids are good to go. But if you decide to let your bridesmaids wear a wide array of colors, you might want to go easy on the flowers. White roses and lilies will go great with anything.

Neutral Colors

On the opposite spectrum, earth tones are making a grand appearance in this year’s wedding parties. Toned-down, natural colors are versatile and very easy to coordinate. Neutrals bring out the wearer’s natural beauty and can draw more attention to their lovely smiles. Plus, neutral tones look terrific for all skin colors, so you might want to consider an earth-toned palette to accommodate a more diverse bridal party.

Take note that “neutral” does not translate to “flesh tones only.” Rich colors like terracotta, rust, dark olive, and chocolate are elegant shades to try. If you’re going for a more rustic wedding, these colors will bring beautiful cohesiveness to your photos. Go for pearls and gold accessories with your neutral bridesmaid dresses. Their natural sheen and light-reflecting qualities will give stunning balance to your girls’ overall appearance.

Going earth-toned will also allow you to go for more daring or unusually-cut dresses to enhance your bridesmaid’s silhouette without coming off as too flashy.

Neutral-toned dresses look terrific on their own, but they would look even more stunning with the perfect bridal party bouquets. Pinks, yellows, and greens look particularly lovely with an earth-toned dress.

Midi Dresses

Short dresses and long gowns dominated the scene in 2019, but this year is time for the in-between dress. Midi dresses are perfect for outdoor weddings if it’s still on the warmer side. They’re classy and appropriate without looking prudish, and they let you show off your killer heels.

Slip dresses, in particular, are a popular trend nowadays. For a high-fashion look, try a slip dress in a luxe fabric, such as velvet, satin, and charmeuse. These are perfect for achieving that svelte hourglass shape. You can accessorize these stunning dresses with pearls and gems for that ultra elegant vibe.

Cowl necklines are also on the rage this year – and they look fabulous with that midi hem. You can also include a side slit if you want to have a more sophisticated, sexy look for your bridesmaids. Midi hems also go great with strapless dresses if you want a slightly more revealing ensemble. These choices will work excellently in lavish weddings and events with a classier theme.

For younger brides, midi dresses can look young and playful, too. They aren’t exclusive to sexy, curvy styles. Flowing sundresses with fun patterns can be your go-to for that playful Bohemian appeal. Standout prints can also look great on a midi dress without being overwhelming.

The trick to perfectly style a midi dress is to invest in a great pair of heels. You might want to ask your bridesmaids to coordinate their footwear, or you could even provide a guide for them to follow. Even with minimal accessories, the right shoes will surely make this type of dress stand out.

Coordinated Dresses

Matching bridesmaids’ dresses are a classic look for any wedding, but mixing it up can bring so much life into your party. Coordination can start with you choosing a palette and allowing your bridesmaids to pick any dress that goes with it. Make sure to set general guidelines so that no one looks drab or overdressed on your big day. It’s still your call, after all.

Mixing and matching is a surefire way to let your bridesmaids showcase their personal styles while still coordinating with your own. It’s a great way to get them pumped up for your wedding. Some brides do prefer to choose everything everyone’s wearing down to the T, but if you’re the more relaxed type of bride (or if you’ve just got so much to do already), consider letting your bridesmaids pick their own dresses. I promise you that it will save you so much time.

Even if you want to select your bridesmaids’ dresses yourself, opting for coordinated dresses gives you so much artistic freedom. You can choose one dress style and get it in several different colors or prints. Another option is to choose one color and select various cuts and styles for your bridesmaids. Then pick a bold printed design for your MOH. Alternatively, you could go for seemingly random dresses from the same color palette. Anything works; the opportunities are endless!

Jumpsuits!

The ultimate power style: Jumpsuits, but not just any jumpsuits. Tailored ones, crafted to fit your bridesmaids perfectly for that sleek, sophisticated silhouette. Granted, not everyone can pull off a jumpsuit, but I bet your bridesmaids will leap at the chance to wear something comfortable at a wedding.

Jumpsuits will give you that classic yet updated vibe. They’re easy to style with a killer pair of heels and a sleek hairdo. And, they’re perfect for intimate ceremonies and courthouse weddings where you want to keep things very mellow and private. 

Dark colors and neutral tones work well with a bridesmaid jumpsuit, although printed fabrics work as well. Try a deep burgundy or black suit – both will work beautifully against your crisp, white bridal gown. Satin and velvet fabrics also bring an added elegance to your bridesmaid jumpsuit. You can accessorize them with a statement bracelet and earrings with a jeweled clutch to complete the look.

Jumpsuits are for the modern woman. There’s just something about wearing them that screams confidence and purpose. They’re perfect for a feminist bride squad or just any empowered woman, truthfully. You could even opt for a bridal jumpsuit yourself and build your team of powerful, sophisticated women. Just make sure that you or one of your ladies don’t end up power-walking down the aisle.

Showcase Your Natural Beauty

This year’s bridal party style is all about empowerment and feeling comfortable in your own skin. Any of these dress designs are sure to glam up your big day while embracing your bridesmaids’ unique personalities.

Don’t be afraid to mix up different styles and designs for your bridesmaid dress styles. Mixing and matching are all about finding the right balance. Just work with what looks good for you. But remember that it won’t hurt to get another person’s opinion (usually the MOH or a bridesmaid).

No matter what design takes your heart, keep in mind how it will fit with your whole theme. Picture your wedding day as a whole with all the little details that you’ve painstakingly put together. That way, you’re sure to have a seamlessly coordinated, well-planned, and stylish event for a lifetime.

Wedding planning can be stressful for many brides. Try to relax and have fun. Focus on the beautiful moments and don’t take the little details too seriously. When in doubt, you can always call on your trusty bridesmaids for a second opinion or a helping hand. There’s nothing better than knowing that your best gals will always have your back, especially when it’s piled high with satin and lace.

About the author Sarah Williams

Sarah Williams is an avid blogger who specializes in dating advice. Her interests include gender relations and the underlying mechanisms that drive human interactions. You can check out her thoughts on men, sex, dating and love at Wingman Magazine .

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