Top 7 Habits That Can Kill Your Sex Life in a Relationship and How To Regain The Spark

By Patrick Banks

Posted 4 years agoSEX

One primary thing that can bring in a sense of dissatisfaction in a love relationship is the lack of or the absence of sex, especially if you are together for a long time. After all, how many times you can have an exciting sex with the same partner? Actually it all depends on you both! The sexy spark can keep shining or even growing during your relationship!
Top 7 habits that can kill your sex life

Usually, the marriages don’t start with spouses being physically disinterested in each other… Quite the opposite! Young lovers most likely don’t know how to keep the heands (and other body parts) away from each other…

Then, what is the reason for couples to go from a steamy and action-packed relationship to a relationship with almost negligible intimacy? Of course, the addition of the kids in the hood does get challenging for a lot of couples.

However, if the couples take a conscious decision to keep the intimacy intact, this challenge can be overcome with ease. So, why does the problem exist?

Honestly, in a lot of cases, it is our habits that are to be blamed. You know about 5 years ago, I used to drink a glass of alcohol every day before sleeping. So, then, it became a habit, and I just couldn’t let it go. Consequence? I had put on 30 pounds.

This surplus weight had me bed-ridden for nearly three months. What next? I had to undergo physical therapy to get rid of it. Now, I have completely given up on alcohol, and every time I am unable to sleep, I listen to some nice and soothing music.

Moreover, I have lost all the extra weight and am back to feeling healthy. In short, our habits have a quintessential impact on our life. They not only hamper our health but also disrupt relationships.

So yes, a lot of couples have certain habits that kill the intimacy in the relationship. Are you also dealing with some of these bad habits? If yes, it is time to rectify it.

Here are 7 habits that can completely disrupt your sex-life.

1. Laziness

There’s a bit of a similarity between working out and having sex. It takes initiative, energy, and at times a bit of planning. None the less, having sex frequently can be very healthy for your relationship.

For many women sex to happen frequently, both the partners need to make a conscious effort to truly connect and satisfy each other. Her sexuality needs to be aroused by foreplay and the quality of interactions outside of the bedroom.

Most women to reach orgasm, need a lot of mental comforts. If you want your wife to be a sex goddess in bedroom, make sure she has enough time to rest during the day and that she feels mental support, attention and love from your side.

Having sex frequently can be very healthy for your marriage. For sex to happen frequently, both the partners need to make a conscious effort. Of course, at times, you might have a fear of rejection, but that shouldn’t restrict you from initiating it.

2. Complacency

After a few years into a relationship, your moves can get predictable. It might put you into a habit of repeating the same thing over and over again. This can be, particularly, off-putting for the women who have a constant desire to explore and feel connected to their partner.

So, every now and then, both of you should try to spice things up. You can add new things, try new positions, accessories, places, sex games, or increase foreplay to keep the fire intact.

Maybe try to change something in your appearance to give yourself a fresh looks? Growing a beard/shaving a beard, new underwear etc.

3. Not being careful about your body

Kylie, who offers online do my statistics homework services, says that eating healthy and regularly exercising can be quite detrimental in your sex life. Further, you and your partner should visit a doctor once a year to ensure that you are healthy.

As we get older, there’s an impact on our libido, so if you are facing any such problem, it is better to see a doctor and look for a fix. 

4. Not communicating enough

Any sex without an emotional connection is a simple act of lust. In a marriage, lust is important, but the emotional relationship is equally crucial.

Always remember, for women, great sex is always a by-product of an excellent emotional bond. It only stems from regular communication. Marriages tend to go downhill when husbands and wives stop communicating with each other.

So, one tip? Do not ever stop sharing all the important things about your life with your partner. Your partner should know your fears, emotions, and hurts. At times, it is also good to discuss sex. Let each other know what you like or if there’s anything new that you would want to try.  

5. Not sleeping enough

As parents, the only alone time you get is when the kids are asleep. Then, it gets tempting to stay up late and do things you like. Lily, who offers online assignment help, says that not sleeping enough can be a cause of depression and anxiety. Moreover, lack of sleep can hamper your libido. So, do ensure that you and your partner are sleeping enough. 

6. Thinking or speaking negatively about your partner

When you have negative feelings for your partner, sex with them wouldn’t ever be exciting. So, when it comes to the physical attributes of your partner, always be accepting and kind towards each other.

If you do not make them feel good about their body, they would always be apprehensive about sex. 

7. Letting the kids sleep with you

Sonia, who offers the best product management courses online, says that a bedroom must be an area reserved for you and your partner. Thus, it is always a good idea to have separate rooms for the kids, right from the start to keep the romance blossoming.

So, these are the top 7 habits that can be a total deal-breaker for your sex life.

The Surprising Time Your Sex Life Will Regain That Spark

Relationships tend to develop in phases and like everything else, the most exciting phase is the first one. You may have found yourself excited at the prospect of getting intimate with someone for the very first time and that’s the most beautiful thing about finding someone new.

But, unfortunately, this ‘honeymoon’ period doesn’t last forever, and even though you can trust your partner more after you’ve been with them for a while, the sex tends to get a bit…monotonous. This is completely natural and most couples will go through a phase of sexual boredom at some point in their lives.

That’s not to say that spark in your love life is gone forever. All you need to do is experiment a bit and try new things. Here’s our list of the best ways to regain your sex life.

When You Create a Sex Ban For Yourself

This may sound like an absurd thing to do but believe me, talking from personal experience this could just be the thing that helps rejuvenate your sex life. You have to think about this logically, your spark has gone and that is usually because you have become bored with the same old routine.

My advice here is to create a sex ban where you and your partner refrain from sex entirely for a while. This could be anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.

Studies have found that showing other forms of affection during the sex ban can really heighten senses and libidos again, so for example you should kiss your partner a lot more during the sex ban. I’m not talking about a quick kiss on the cheek I am talking about a locked embrace that is intense and intimate. Having bubble baths, giving each other massages and involving yourself in more sensual creativeness can play a huge part in bringing back the spark.

The longer you go without sex, the more badly you’ll want it by the end of the ban and the more passionate sex will be when you eventually get back to it. Think of it as a way to tease yourself and your partner for a while.

When You Take Time to Explore Your Partner

Women take much longer to reach orgasm and they really need to feel like they’re in the right state of mind to be able to enjoy themselves. Most men, on the other hand, tend to be ready to go in no time and can finish just as quick. This can really be off-putting for both partners and you will often find that this alone can begin to dim the spark in your sex life.

Essentially, what you need to do is to cut out the quickies and just take things slowly. Start by exploring each other’s body and building up the heightened sense of sensual feelings for one another.

Try to work hard at planning on how you are going to last longer, taking a break before you reach your own orgasm has worked well with many people as during this break you can still stimulate your partner before you are ready to reinitiate where you left off.

It’s not all about sexual intercourse either as recent surveys have revealed that 70% of women never actually reach orgasm during sex. Either this is down to no prior build up from foreplay or because other methods tend to help women reach that magical high quicker. So take your time and enjoy every minute of it passionately. That’s sure to get the spark back for you both.

When You Try Something New

Studies have shown that trying new and exciting stuff can do wonders for your sex life. So, take a trip to your local sex shop and get some kinky toys and accessories you and your partner can use to spice things up in the bedroom. If you’ve never done this before, start off slowly with a few toys and keep going if both you and your partner are into it.

If you have never used toys before in order to promote clitoral stimulation then you may want to invest in some bedroom toys in order to not just bring a new channel of sexual stimulation to your lives but to also see if this new way of sensual and sexual practices can actually make your partner reach orgasm faster.

By doing this you will also get an idea of how much they actually like this new area of sexual play, which will help you find that real connection once again.

When You Learn To Talk to Each Other and Express Your Feelings

We aren’t mind readers at the end of the day and the only way you are really going to learn to improve your sex life is by talking to each other. From personal experience having a chat about what gets you off is a key part of the overall strategy to improving your sex life and even taking it to a whole new level. Sex is meant to be enjoyed, so instead of trial and error you need to find out in as much detail as you can what their real pleasures are. Not only will this increase libidos but will also make you and your partner feel more confident.

If your partner has given birth naturally the vagina may be loose. For men, this can be a turnoff because you aren’t feeling that satisfaction or stimulating feeling that you should do.

Restoring the Spark Can Save Your Relationship!

Physical intimacy is crucial for a happy and successful relationship. If you start to think of sex as a chore, things could get really nasty, really quickly. So, if you and your partner have been struggling to enjoy sex for a while, it may be time to do something about it. Deal with the issue head-on and sort it out as soon as you can. For some (rare) couples, sex isn’t a big deal, but for almost everyone else it kind of is. A lack of good sex affects both partners differently and many relationships hit the rocks precisely because of this.

Ways To Take Your Sex Life To The Next Level

Making sure that you and your partner have an exciting and fulfilling sex life is important for your relationship.

But, whether you have been with the same person for a while, or are just starting something new, it can be tricky to identify the next thing to try out to really make things spicy.

Read on for 7 easy ways to help increase the intimacy and excitement of lovemaking with your partner.

Communicate with your partner

Communication is key not only outside of the bedroom but also between the sheets.

While talking about your or your partner’s likes and dislikes may seem like an awkward conversation, if you present it as a mutual communication to help improve your sex life it will be better received (and not a critique.)

Make this a no-pressure conversation, where everyone involved can lay out what their preferences in the bedroom are, perhaps along with some hands-on training.


An easy way to keep things exciting with your partner is to keep switching things up.

Maybe you guys pick out a few new positions to try, you pick up some massage oil, or you order in a couple adult toys to throw into the mix.

New things tend to be exciting to most people in bed, so even if it doesn’t turn out to be your favorite, you will likely get a thrilling experience out of it.

Change up your surroundings

A big culprit for people complaining of getting into a sex life rut is that they are not switching up the environment.

Your bedroom is probably nice and cozy, but after the millionth time getting it on in the same spot, things can become dull.

If you can’t get away to a swanky hotel for a sexy weekend, there can be a lot of benefit to just giving your bedroom a revamp.

Light some candles, move the furniture around, invest in some quality mood-lighting lamps, and put on some jazzy tunes to turn your boring bedroom into a new sexy space.

Get help for sexual issues

For a lot of sexual concerns including erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or vaginal dryness, it can be common for people to ignore the situation and learn to live with it.

But, you have to remember that it isn’t just you living with your sexual issues, it is your partner too.

When you are happy with your performance and sexual issues are taken care of, you and your partner will have a much better time.

Bringing sexual health issues up to a doctor can be awkward, but you can help reduce your anxiety about the conversation by having a quick, free, and easy online consultation with U.S. licensed doctors specializing in sexual health treatment.

Speak with a therapist about relationship issues

Even if everything is raring to go attraction-wise, your sex life can be dragged down by lingering relationship issues.

Take care of your sex life and set your relationship up for a fiery bedroom by addressing your partners complaints, frustrations, or work out past transgressions.

If you both struggle with successfully making headway just the two of you, schedule an appointment with a relationship therapist to get those problems worked out so you can get down to business.

Be in your best health

To make sure that you are really bringing your A-game to the bedroom, you should make sure that you are in the best shape you can be.

Good cardiovascular health, endurance, strength, and energy levels all bring great things to the bedroom, so know that the next time you want to skip the gym, you may be hurting your sex life in the long term.

If you are currently dealing with issues like diabetes, high blood pressure, increased weight, or high cholesterol, you can work on making these issues better (as much as you can) in order to reap the benefits in the boudoir.

Schedule intimacy

Some may see it as being cold and clinical to schedule sex, but in the case of the busy couple who is always on the go — the alternative may be not having much of it.

Put a date night on the calendar each week, and see how the anticipation during the day, and carving out time for some intimacy can actually be a big plus for your sex life.


Having a great sex life doesn’t have to be challenging or time-consuming, a lot of the time it can come down to improving communication, making time, keeping yourself healthy, and changing stuff up regularly.

Start the conversation by talking with your partner about what they would like to integrate out of these recommendations, since having a partner who is enthusiastic about making sure you both have a great sex life is in itself a big turn on.

About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.

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