Hook Up Apps: How to Hook Up Online And Is It Really Always OK?

By Patrick Banks

Posted 4 years agoSEX

It’s no secret that the 20 something generation is inadequate when it comes to romantic relationships. And I can’t say whether I’m for or against this new hook-up culture. Let’s examine them both.
how to hook up on tinder

Being in a relationship has its benefits. You have someone to talk with and support you, someone who’s there for you, and regular sex. But there are strings attached.: There’s drama, fights, jealousy and possibly a broken heart. All of which will vary in intensity depending on your compatibility to your partner. How to hook up online safe, so everyone feels respected and happy?

How to Hook Up Online 

On the other hand, you have the sweet life of a single, You get to meet a bunch of new different people, go out a lot, and sleep around with whom ever you want to. Which in concept sounds really great. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy in real life.

Let’s say you met a girl at a party. She gave you her number. Sweet!

  • So you text her the next day:
  • You: „Hey, last night was crazy, right?!“
  • Her: „heyy, yeah it was amazing! that dude with the pink hat, so weird…“
  • You: „haha, he almost fell into the pool“
  • Her: „no way?! when? I didn’t even notice“
  • You: „around midnight, he was so wasted, could barely hold his balance“
  • Her: „omg, so crazy… what are you up to today?“
  • You: „not much, just hanging around. wanna grab a coffee some time?“
  • Her: Seen, 2:46pm

Happens all the time, even to the best of us! As Aziz Ansari put it „It’s like being a secretary for this really shoddy organization, scheduling the dumbest shit with the flakiest people ever“.

Hooking Up Online Has Never Been Easier, But What’s The Stigma?

Depending on your charm, being single can be a real pain in the ass. Of course there’s tinder, hook-up sites and speed dating. But, as an average looking guy, those aren’t easy either.

So what should you choose?

To be honest, I just don’t know. Both sides can be living hell if executed the wrong way. You should test both. That way you won’t have to wonder what things would have been like otherwise.

Decide on what lifestyle you want to pursue and go crazy. But set yourself a deadline!

Today, all you have to do to meet someone is to turn on your smartphone and browse profiles. While it sounds easy, that is never the case. There are certain challenges involved with the use of technology to meet a potential date; this is why dating app developers have tried to adapt to meet the changing needs of the consumers over the years.

The Advent of Online Dating Apps

While apps are pretty common these days, there was a time when it was still a novelty among smartphone users. Apps made various aspects of life more efficient and easy, such as managing finances, keeping track of a diet, or choosing recipes. The world of mobile app development has expanded rapidly into the huge market that is online dating. This has broken down geographic and physical barriers, allowing singles to meet and mingle with a potential with the swipe and click of a button.

Dating websites were the predecessors, they were like the modern version of personal dating ads.These websites work in such a way that individual users would sign up for a membership fee and gain access to profiles of other single users. Upon signing up, users would be asked to fill out a survey questionnaire and a detailed profile. The information provided by every member will be used by the site’s algorithm to determine a potential ‘match’. Once you find a match, it is up to you to communicate with that person and explore ways to further the relationship.

How Did Dating Apps Evolve?

Dating apps evolved from dating websites thanks to the mobile boom, and today an entire generation has grown up with dating apps, swiping and liking as an accepted (and essential) part of day to day life. There is no denying that dating apps are no longer an alternative to finding a potential partner. Many individuals have relied on them solely in order to find a romantic relationship. For this reason, app developers have rushed to cash in on the market and the dating app landscape is littered with options for singles. The problem has now become ‘which app to choose’?

To help understand how the dating apps have evolved throughout the years, it is important to look at some of them available in the market.


The OKCupid app is a familiar name for anyone who’s tried dating apps before. As one of the first dating apps to be developed, there is a massive user base to explore for those who are single. In addition to that, it is straightforward to use. The app has gone through major upgrades and refining throughout the years to adapt to the changing needs of the singles market.

One of the most interesting features of the OKCupid app is the “Flavor” system. This enables users to easily categorize potential dates based on evocative groups that they create for them to view. In addition, it offers a broad array of personality quizzes, integration with Instagram, and a complex messaging tool to make it easier to get matched and connect with potential dates.


Joyride is one of the newer dating apps available in the market for singles. This is a great option for those who find these apps a bore. Why not add fun and excitement to meeting other singles by participating in fun dating games? With this app, you can discover singles playfully!

This is a first-ever dating app of its kind; which, again, is a testament to how these apps have evolved. First and foremost, it is a free dating app. It was developed with the intent of making online dating fun again. In fact, it is called a dating playground. There are games such as trivia quizzes, speed dating games, and 21 questions, among others. It is a great way to explore the personality of your potential match in fun and new ways.


This dating app is unique in that the female user (also known as the queen bee) must make the first move on individuals within their hive (or those who they have a mutual connection with). They must make that move within 24 hours or else they will lose that connection; hence, there is no time to waste.

What sets Bumble apart from other dating apps are that there is an opportunity to build connections with a potential business contact or to expand your friendship circle, if you are not into dating relationships. In 2019, they added the video feature to the app on top of the voice chat feature.


Match.com is one of the pioneers in the online dating industry. In its effort to evolve with the globalization of online dating, they have developed an app for smartphone users. Users can set up an account for free and access premium features such as setting up an online dating profile, seeing who has checked out your profile, or liking each other’s pictures. It has also added voice and video features into the app over the years.

Due to the safety concerns about online dating, Match.com app has also integrated a safety feature for its users. This feature will enable users to alert friends or family if they ever feel in danger while on a date with someone they met through the app. There are a lot of fun features worth checking out and tweaking to match your desired dating profile.


Another long-time player in the world of online dating is eharmony. Like Match.com, it started out as a dating website. It was eventually developed into an app to make it more accessible to singles looking for a potential partner. One of the things that enable the app to provide users with a suitable match is the Relationship Questionnaire. This is a vital step users must fulfill when setting up an account so you can meet someone with similar interests and personalities. You will also be recommended to a few potential partners based on numerous areas of compatibility.


This is one of the most unique dating apps in the market – an example of the niche dating apps of the recent years. According to the app, it is both a dating app and social network. As the name suggests, it is created specifically for lesbians or bisexuals. Once signed up via Facebook or Instagram, Her users can get access to a list of users within their area or globally. It gives you the opportunity to connect with other single females looking for this type of relationship.

Her users also have access to chat and messaging tools to make it easier to connect with potential dates. There is also a section wherein users can stay up-to-date on LGBTQ events and news.


You cannot come up with a list of dating apps without the mention of Badoo. This is one of the pioneers in the industry with over 370 million users worldwide. It integrates a variety of features to make finding a match a breeze – from swiping to finding users within the nearby area. One of the things that make it stand out as a dating app is that they have put together a system to verify users to make sure they are actual people. The app is free to use but those with premium accounts have more visibility.


The Wingman app is the ideal choice for those who need extra help in matchmaking. This is how it works: you can enlist the help of your friend (or two) to build your profile, rather than doing it on your own. Your designated Wingman will also be the one to screen through potential matches. If your match likes you back, you will get the opportunity to connect with them and exchange messages.

This is a fun take on dating through an app, which helps to ease the pressure and fear of the entire experience.

Coffee Meets Bagel

If you want to find quality matches rather than being presented with more options, then you need to download the Coffee Meets Bagel app. Men will be sent a selection of potential matches based on profile information; on the other hand, women will choose from potential matches who have expressed interest in knowing them. In this app, the women hold the control. There is a 7-day window given to users with mutual attraction to connect with each other. 

Round Up

Based on the list above, it is obvious how online dating has greatly evolved in recent years. From its inception to now, there is a seemingly endless array of possibilities, thanks to the advent of niche dating apps. It is now easier for a wide range of singles to meet other singles who fit into their culture, passion, or preferences, or other factors they consider valuable as part of their quest to find an ideal partner.

What Is The Difference between Hookup Expert and Online Dating

Hookup experts dating is becoming as popular as a means of conference singles for all those people that not wish to waste period and profit single’s pubs every weekend break.

How to Hook Up Online: Hook Up Apps Tinder Example

You’ve got Tinder, you’re talking to a few girls, maybe you’ve been on a few dates but you just can’t seem to connect with them on physical level… what’s going wrong? From the first message to the first date, this article is going to cover hooking up and how to make it a regular story.

Step ONE: The First Messages

The first few messages, most guys can be broken down into two categories here:

  • The guys that use a network of rehearsed pick-up lines
  • The guys that small talk from the word go

There can be problems with both of these. If you come off too direct then you can scare off the girl (also if they’re not impressed by pick-up lines) but if you don’t show intent and interest from the start then you can be friend zoned and no one wants to be friend zoned.

So if you’re looking to hook up with a girl, how do you show interest without scaring her off and more importantly, how do you avoid the friend zone?

Girls, as much as they hate to admit it, love compliments and with good reason. When we receive compliments endorphins are released by the brain, the more endorphins you can release the better the association with you will be. Here are a few ways to get those endorphins pumping from the word go:

Using pet names

While pet names can be viewed as direct, you can avoid any bad reactions by learning what to use and what to avoid. Addressing a girl as beautiful (even from the first few messages) is a great choice… it’s probably easier to find a unicorn than a girl who will protest against being called beautiful that early on.

A good example of this is,

“I have a question, beautiful,”

you’ve complimented her and because it’s not the main subject of your message you don’t look like you’re looking for a reaction. Baby and babe can work but you risk the chance of offending so I recommend keeping to visual pet names such as beautiful and gorgeous.

Non-direct compliments

No one likes someone who is looking for a reaction, unfortunately, if you give direct compliments that’s how it can come off. Non-direct compliments are where you don’t explicitly say a compliment.

“You’re feisty, you know some guys find that incredibly attractive,”

is a good example, it makes the girl know she’s being complimented but because you haven’t explicitly said that you find that certain trait attractive she’ll be wondering.

Step TWO: Rapport Building

Now the first few messages are out of the way, you’ve swerved the friend zone and dodged looking like a creep. The next important step is building a strong rapport.

It’s vital you build a strong rapport, you don’t want to rush into things, you want to keep it classy and you don’t want to scare her off from being too direct. Plenty of girls out there are looking for hook-ups, most of them just don’t like someone coming on too strongly.

The most important thing to learn about rapport building is, there are different rapport types and so if you’re looking to hook up then the rapport you’re building should have sexual tension, plenty of innuendos and lots of teasing.

So what are the best ways to build “hook up type” rapport?

Play innocent, sinfully

Girls are so used to guys throwing themselves at them when you completely turn the tables, it can have a great effect on rapport. Playing innocent, sinfully is when you accuse her of being dirty and pretend you’re offended by it (make it obvious you’re pretending).

“Can you please stop staring at my bum, I know it’s lush but my eyes are up here,”

This works great over Tinder because she knows you’re joking. Throw in a few laughing emojis after and she’ll either playfully protest innocence or confess to her crime.

Put words in her mouth

I’m sure there’s a lot of things you want to put in her mouth (I mean a three-course meal clearly), however, at this stage, words are the most effective. As we’re looking to hook up you’ll want to build sexual tension with this trick,

“What’s that, you want me to do what with my tie? Wow you’re forward,”

is an example of this. You can do the same pretending to “read her mind” and then innocently be disgusted by her thoughts.

Make the sexual, unsexual

If after the trick above she accuses you of being cheeky or dirty this can come in handy; you can come up with a completely innocent use for a tie and then ask her what she was thinking about; you’ve suggested something dirty and then accused her of being the one making it dirty.

Another great example of making the sexual, unsexual is, “I can see me and you rolling around in the sheets together… nothing sexual… just rolling,” you’ve taken something really sexual and then turned it innocent just to tease her.

Reverse psychology

This can be hit and miss because some girls will realise what you’re doing (you can thank mainstream media for the mass education on what reverse psychology is) regardless, you work on the principle that people will always try and oppose resistance. If you tell a girl you don’t think you’re her type because you’re dirty, sarcastic and inappropriate the chances are she’ll protest and justify that she likes that.

Competition builds sexual tension

Playful competitions give you two things, the sexual tension and the chance to create inappropriate prizes. Challenging a girl to a pillow fight is a great example, build tension by arguing who will win. After the challenge has been issued, the prizes have to be sorted out, this is where you play innocent and make her prize more sexual than yours, if she wins, then you’ll give her a kiss, if you win, then she can buy you dinner.

Regardless of her response to these prizes you can use the line, “the best thing about a kiss is if you don’t like it, then you can return it”.

By this point, you should be both on the same page, the specific type of rapport that you’ve been building and the tone of the conversations you’ve been having, will outline the mood and energy.

Step THREE:  Smoothly Letting Her Know About Your Intentions

You’ve built rapport and both of you should be on the same page, so now comes the task of letting her know that you’re looking to hook up, we’re looking for something somewhat classier than, “want to hook up?” So how do we do it?

Well, if you’ve already avoided the question of, “what are you looking for?” then it’s about time to start subtly but undeniably suggesting something happens between you two.

“You and I could get up to a lot of mischief together”

“We could have a lot of fun together”

“We’re going to get into all kinds of trouble you know”

“If you aren’t careful then I’m going to end up being bad with you”

“I’m going to have to come teach you to be a good girl if you don’t behave”

These are all undeniable messages that say you’re looking to hook up but none of them explicitly say it and so they’re a lot smoother of course if a girl explicitly asks you what you’re looking for you should never lie so keep that in mind.

The next step is arranging a date, I would opt for the coffee date because it can be done in the day and despite it being a seemingly innocent date it can be the most effective, especially if followed by a horror movie at the cinema.

Step FOUR: Seducing Her on the Date

Working on the assumption you’ve picked the suggested date(s) above I’ll use them as an example but everything I’ll cover below can be applied to most dates.

1. Touch

Touching is in my opinion, one of the most important parts of a successful date, car salesmen make you sit in cars at showrooms because it makes you build strong connections, the same is true for touch on dates. How do you make them love your touch and not loathe it?

Hug on meeting

This can’t be simpler, it breaks the ice, both for meeting and for the touch barriers, hugs are friendly, completely acceptable and are non-intrusive.

Inspect her jewellery

Inspect her jewellery, this is an innocent way of quite intimately touching a girl. Girls tend to feel insecure when they know you’re getting enjoyment from touching them (this is why gay men have a free pass for touching girls breasts). Use any jewellery she is wearing to your advantage and you can build your touch rapport without being creepy.

If she’s wearing any rings, you can rest her hand on yours while you inspect it, look up into her eyes while her hand is on yours and go back to inspecting.

If she’s wearing a bracelet, you can hold her arm while you inspect it.

If she’s wearing a neckless, you can put a hand behind the pendant and rest it on her chest while you inspect, if you lean in close, it’s innocently checking the neckless despite your face being in an intimate area.

If she’s wearing earrings, brush her hair behind her ear, lean in close and lift her earlobe towards you gently. This one is extremely intimate but also unbelievably acceptable if you work your way up to it with some of the others.

Play with her hair

Once again very intimate but if preceded by a line such as, “I really like your hair, does it feel like it looks?” It is more than acceptable to do.

You want to slowly build up the touch experience, you don’t want to start touching her every five minutes from the start, the more touch rapport you build, the more intimate you can touch e.g. resting your hand on her leg.

If you went with the coffee date then make sure you sit next to each other and not opposite to make touching easier.

2. Speech

Obviously, what we say has a massive effect on how a date progresses. Understanding how to verbally seduce a girl, can sometimes be a bit of a grey area, we don’t want to sound creepy and we don’t want to sound cheesy but we do want to build the sexual tension and energy.

Recycling messaging techniques

All the techniques in the “rapport building” section can be transcribed to face to face. With vocal inflexions, facial expressions, and body language, many of them can even come off better.

Downward voice inflictions

For those of you who don’t understand what a downward voice infliction is, give right now an order out loud, “pick that up!”. You hear how your voice sounds when giving an order? That’s how you want to start asking questions, break any questions up into two sections, “do you want to?” being an example of the first and, “stop pretending you’re not interested and kiss me,” being the second. This is a bit forward as an example but if you use a downward voice infliction for the second section of any question, then people will feel more inclined to answer yes.

Be playfully cheeky

“If I didn’t know better, I would think you’re trying to seduce me… not that I have a problem with that,”

is a great example of this, the best trick for being cheeky, is trying to sit on the line where she’s unsure if she wants to kiss you or slap you. If you feel uneasy about going in for a first kiss then being a bit cheeky can help dispel the nerves,

“If you don’t kiss me soon, you know I’m going to have to take the lead,” is an example and if delivered right, works perfectly.

If you can get the first kiss in then any point after that you can fill conversation gaps with kisses.

Step FIVE:  Hooking Up and After

As things heat up, you’ll want to progress your touch, for example, while you’re kissing you can roll your forearm across her chest as you move your hand up to behind her head/ neck. The more tension you build, the more you’ll want to start hinting towards the actual hooking up. The chances are that by this point you don’t have to say anything but if you do, then use a more subtle line like, “I think we should go somewhere more private,” should work fine if you’ve built enough rapport.

After you’ve hooked up with a girl, it should always be courtesy to not just run away, the smart idea is to let her know that you’d like this to be a regular thing, “we should do this more often,” and, “so when are we doing this again?” and, “next time you can get the coffees,” may be a bit forward but by this time if you can’t be forward you never can.

Make sure to keep in touch with her, keep the spark by flirting over messages, start sending more provocative messages to keep the sexual tension and make sure to always treat her with respect, if there comes a time where you think it’s going in a direction you don’t want, then be completely transparent with her and most of all, have fun.

About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.

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