You’ve got Tinder, you’re talking to a few girls, maybe you’ve been on a few dates but you just can’t seem to connect with them on physical level… what’s going wrong? From the first message to the first date, this article is going to cover hooking up and how to make it a regular story.
Step ONE: The First Messages
The first few messages, most guys can be broken down into two categories here:
- The guys that use a network of rehearsed pick-up lines
- The guys that small talk from the word go
There can be problems with both of these. If you come off too direct then you can scare off the girl (also if they’re not impressed by pick-up lines) but if you don’t show intent and interest from the start then you can be friend zoned and no one wants to be friend zoned.
So if you’re looking to hook up with a girl, how do you show interest without scaring her off and more importantly, how do you avoid the friend zone?
Girls, as much as they hate to admit it, love compliments and with good reason. When we receive compliments endorphins are released by the brain, the more endorphins you can release the better the association with you will be. Here are a few ways to get those endorphins pumping from the word go:
Using pet names
While pet names can be viewed as direct, you can avoid any bad reactions by learning what to use and what to avoid. Addressing a girl as beautiful (even from the first few messages) is a great choice… it’s probably easier to find a unicorn than a girl who will protest against being called beautiful that early on.
A good example of this is,
“I have a question, beautiful,”
you’ve complimented her and because it’s not the main subject of your message you don’t look like you’re looking for a reaction. Baby and babe can work but you risk the chance of offending so I recommend keeping to visual pet names such as beautiful and gorgeous.
No one likes someone who is looking for a reaction, unfortunately, if you give direct compliments that’s how it can come off. Non-direct compliments are where you don’t explicitly say a compliment.
“You’re feisty, you know some guys find that incredibly attractive,”
is a good example, it makes the girl know she’s being complimented but because you haven’t explicitly said that you find that certain trait attractive she’ll be wondering.
Step TWO: Rapport Building
Now the first few messages are out of the way, you’ve swerved the friend zone and dodged looking like a creep. The next important step is building a strong rapport.
It’s vital you build a strong rapport, you don’t want to rush into things, you want to keep it classy and you don’t want to scare her off from being too direct. Plenty of girls out there are looking for hook-ups, most of them just don’t like someone coming on too strongly.
The most important thing to learn about rapport building is, there are different rapport types and so if you’re looking to hook up then the rapport you’re building should have sexual tension, plenty of innuendos and lots of teasing.
So what are the best ways to build “hook up type” rapport?
Play innocent, sinfully
Girls are so used to guys throwing themselves at them when you completely turn the tables, it can have a great effect on rapport. Playing innocent, sinfully is when you accuse her of being dirty and pretend you’re offended by it (make it obvious you’re pretending).
“Can you please stop staring at my bum, I know it’s lush but my eyes are up here,”
This works great over Tinder because she knows you’re joking. Throw in a few laughing emojis after and she’ll either playfully protest innocence or confess to her crime.
Put words in her mouth
I’m sure there’s a lot of things you want to put in her mouth (I mean a three-course meal clearly), however, at this stage, words are the most effective. As we’re looking to hook up you’ll want to build sexual tension with this trick,
“What’s that, you want me to do what with my tie? Wow you’re forward,”
is an example of this. You can do the same pretending to “read her mind” and then innocently be disgusted by her thoughts.
Make the sexual, unsexual
If after the trick above she accuses you of being cheeky or dirty this can come in handy; you can come up with a completely innocent use for a tie and then ask her what she was thinking about; you’ve suggested something dirty and then accused her of being the one making it dirty.
Another great example of making the sexual, unsexual is, “I can see me and you rolling around in the sheets together… nothing sexual… just rolling,” you’ve taken something really sexual and then turned it innocent just to tease her.
This can be hit and miss because some girls will realise what you’re doing (you can thank mainstream media for the mass education on what reverse psychology is) regardless, you work on the principle that people will always try and oppose resistance. If you tell a girl you don’t think you’re her type because you’re dirty, sarcastic and inappropriate the chances are she’ll protest and justify that she likes that.
Competition builds sexual tension
Playful competitions give you two things, the sexual tension and the chance to create inappropriate prizes. Challenging a girl to a pillow fight is a great example, build tension by arguing who will win. After the challenge has been issued, the prizes have to be sorted out, this is where you play innocent and make her prize more sexual than yours, if she wins, then you’ll give her a kiss, if you win, then she can buy you dinner.
Regardless of her response to these prizes you can use the line, “the best thing about a kiss is if you don’t like it, then you can return it”.
By this point, you should be both on the same page, the specific type of rapport that you’ve been building and the tone of the conversations you’ve been having, will outline the mood and energy.
Step THREE: Smoothly Letting Her Know About Your Intentions
You’ve built rapport and both of you should be on the same page, so now comes the task of letting her know that you’re looking to hook up, we’re looking for something somewhat classier than, “want to hook up?” So how do we do it?
Well, if you’ve already avoided the question of, “what are you looking for?” then it’s about time to start subtly but undeniably suggesting something happens between you two.
“You and I could get up to a lot of mischief together”
“We could have a lot of fun together”
“We’re going to get into all kinds of trouble you know”
“If you aren’t careful then I’m going to end up being bad with you”
“I’m going to have to come teach you to be a good girl if you don’t behave”
These are all undeniable messages that say you’re looking to hook up but none of them explicitly say it and so they’re a lot smoother of course if a girl explicitly asks you what you’re looking for you should never lie so keep that in mind.
The next step is arranging a date, I would opt for the coffee date because it can be done in the day and despite it being a seemingly innocent date it can be the most effective, especially if followed by a horror movie at the cinema.
Step FOUR: Seducing Her on the Date
Working on the assumption you’ve picked the suggested date(s) above I’ll use them as an example but everything I’ll cover below can be applied to most dates.
Touching is in my opinion, one of the most important parts of a successful date, car salesmen make you sit in cars at showrooms because it makes you build strong connections, the same is true for touch on dates. How do you make them love your touch and not loathe it?
Hug on meeting
This can’t be simpler, it breaks the ice, both for meeting and for the touch barriers, hugs are friendly, completely acceptable and are non-intrusive.
Inspect her jewellery
Inspect her jewellery, this is an innocent way of quite intimately touching a girl. Girls tend to feel insecure when they know you’re getting enjoyment from touching them (this is why gay men have a free pass for touching girls breasts). Use any jewellery she is wearing to your advantage and you can build your touch rapport without being creepy.
If she’s wearing any rings, you can rest her hand on yours while you inspect it, look up into her eyes while her hand is on yours and go back to inspecting.
If she’s wearing a bracelet, you can hold her arm while you inspect it.
If she’s wearing a neckless, you can put a hand behind the pendant and rest it on her chest while you inspect, if you lean in close, it’s innocently checking the neckless despite your face being in an intimate area.
If she’s wearing earrings, brush her hair behind her ear, lean in close and lift her earlobe towards you gently. This one is extremely intimate but also unbelievably acceptable if you work your way up to it with some of the others.
Play with her hair
Once again very intimate but if preceded by a line such as, “I really like your hair, does it feel like it looks?” It is more than acceptable to do.
You want to slowly build up the touch experience, you don’t want to start touching her every five minutes from the start, the more touch rapport you build, the more intimate you can touch e.g. resting your hand on her leg.
If you went with the coffee date then make sure you sit next to each other and not opposite to make touching easier.
Obviously, what we say has a massive effect on how a date progresses. Understanding how to verbally seduce a girl, can sometimes be a bit of a grey area, we don’t want to sound creepy and we don’t want to sound cheesy but we do want to build the sexual tension and energy.
Recycling messaging techniques
All the techniques in the “rapport building” section can be transcribed to face to face. With vocal inflexions, facial expressions, and body language, many of them can even come off better.
Downward voice inflictions
For those of you who don’t understand what a downward voice infliction is, give right now an order out loud, “pick that up!”. You hear how your voice sounds when giving an order? That’s how you want to start asking questions, break any questions up into two sections, “do you want to?” being an example of the first and, “stop pretending you’re not interested and kiss me,” being the second. This is a bit forward as an example but if you use a downward voice infliction for the second section of any question, then people will feel more inclined to answer yes.
Be playfully cheeky
“If I didn’t know better, I would think you’re trying to seduce me… not that I have a problem with that,”
is a great example of this, the best trick for being cheeky, is trying to sit on the line where she’s unsure if she wants to kiss you or slap you. If you feel uneasy about going in for a first kiss then being a bit cheeky can help dispel the nerves,
“If you don’t kiss me soon, you know I’m going to have to take the lead,” is an example and if delivered right, works perfectly.
If you can get the first kiss in then any point after that you can fill conversation gaps with kisses.
Step FIVE: Hooking Up and After
As things heat up, you’ll want to progress your touch, for example, while you’re kissing you can roll your forearm across her chest as you move your hand up to behind her head/ neck. The more tension you build, the more you’ll want to start hinting towards the actual hooking up. The chances are that by this point you don’t have to say anything but if you do, then use a more subtle line like, “I think we should go somewhere more private,” should work fine if you’ve built enough rapport.
After you’ve hooked up with a girl, it should always be courtesy to not just run away, the smart idea is to let her know that you’d like this to be a regular thing, “we should do this more often,” and, “so when are we doing this again?” and, “next time you can get the coffees,” may be a bit forward but by this time if you can’t be forward you never can.
Make sure to keep in touch with her, keep the spark by flirting over messages, start sending more provocative messages to keep the sexual tension and make sure to always treat her with respect, if there comes a time where you think it’s going in a direction you don’t want, then be completely transparent with her and most of all, have fun.