“You’re a sweet, smart, sensitive guy. I just don’t have room in my life for that right now.”
It’s supposed to be a joke, but with the “nice guy” always seemingly being put last, it can hit a little close to home for many guys.
Dating can feel mysterious when everything you do goes nowhere. Try being nice – she disappears. Try being “cool” – she disappears…
I know what it feels like to see everything go nowhere because I’ve experienced it first hand. At one time I came to the conclusion that there was no pattern, it was all random. Then I figured out a better way to do things and learned that dating success isn’t random.
So what’s a guy to do? Continue reading for some easy to follow insights to make your dates better, instantly.
9 Ways To Make Your Dates Better Now
1. Choose the location and activity
It’s not fun for women when they meet indecisive guys who either can’t make up their minds, or they ask their date to make all of the decisions. Pick the location and activity to make it easier on both of you.
You’ll also show that you’re the kind of guy who leads, and takes charge.
2. Don’t go out for dinner on a first date
Or a second or third date for that matter. You’ll both be sitting across from each other with your mouths stuffed with food, which makes conversation difficult. You’ll also be spending money on someone you don’t know, and don’t know if you’ll be seeing again.
Choose a simple coffee or drink date, or even better be the cook and invite her over for dinner. It’s cheaper than going out, a much more intimate environment, and you can get a chance to show off your cooking skills. No cooking skills? YouTube will make you a master chef in no time flat.
3. Sit beside her or at a forty five degree angle
A great way to kill the interview mode setup is to avoid seating yourselves as if you were doing an interview.
Sit beside her or at an angle beside her for a more friendly feeling. This will make it easier to go for a kiss or get physical too.
4. Be physical
If you’re not going to be physical you may as well be out with friends or… join the other guys she’s already friendzoned. Start light, maybe a simple touch on her elbow or hand while you chat, and if she’s OK with that you can move it up progressively.
If she moves away from you it’s an obvious sign she’s not into it, or you’re coming on too strong too early. Just try again later if she becomes more comfortable.
Touch has multiple benefits, not just establishing a non platonic outing. One study showed that couples holding hands will actually sync their breathing, heartbeat, and even relieve pain.
“Scientists have long known that people subconsciously sync their footsteps with the person they’re walking with or adjust their posture to mirror a friend’s during conversation. Recent studies also show that when people watch an emotional movie or sing together, their heart rates and respiratory rhythms synchronize. When leaders and followers have a good rapport, their brainwaves fall into a similar pattern. And when romantic couples are simply in each other’s presence, their cardiorespiratory and brainwave patterns sync up, research has shown.”
Not only that, but touch is a stress reliever,
“The act of embracing floods our bodies with oxytocin, a “bonding hormone” that makes people feel secure and trusting toward each other, lowers cortisol levels, and reduces stress. Women who get more hugs from their partners have higher levels of oxytocin and lower blood pressure and heart rates,”
according to research done at the University of North Carolina. That doesn’t mean to invade her, you’ll have to read the situation, but don’t be afraid of getting physical.
5. Let her carry the conversation
Don’t be the one doing all of the talking. Instead, become a good listener. Learn how to get women to do the talking and you won’t have to worry about what to say at every moment.
It’s simple but takes some practice. Ask a couple questions focusing on her and then allow her to talk. Sit, listen, observe, and repeat what she said in your own words. That will show that you’re interested and help build a connection.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t converse, but keep it about 60/40 with her talking most of the time. Add your own personal anecdotes and opinions to what she says to keep it conversational.
Here’s how to make it a little smoother, “Accept your date’s pass, redirect it slightly, and then return the ball— all with warmth and genuine interest in his or her responses. This acceptance and redirection is the push and pull that creates smoothness.”
Important note: don’t rush when you’re speaking
When we get nervous or we feel like the other person is not interested in what we have to say, it’s easy to rush. Don’t rush what you’re saying, take your time and tell your story. Slowing down and pausing will make you look and feel more confident.
6. Keep the date short and sweet
One of my clients would take girls out for 6+ hours at a time…his dates didn’t go anywhere. Keep all first dates to about 1.5 hours or less. Long dates can become boring and feel like a drag when you’re sitting there with a stranger to get a feel for them.
Keep it short and it will be sweeter and more impact-full. Leave her wanting more by making yourself a bit of a mystery. You’re whole life story doesn’t need to be revealed the first time. One exception is when you have your date over at your place. When things get more heated the longer time period is often necessary, and fun.
7. Go for a kiss
One of the worst things that can happen on a date is that nothing happens. If you don’t go for it neither will she. It’s not a big deal, even if she rejects it. Just get close, lean in and try.
It doesn’t have to be at some special moment, but the better you get at the dating game the easier it will be to see opportunities.
8. Don’t try to impress her
Never try to impress your dates, you’ll have the opposite effect. When you try too hard you become a “try hard.” People who brag about what they have or have done come off insecure.
That doesn’t mean you can’t talk about accomplishments and even material wealth, but they should only come up if the conversation warrants it. If she ask you about something feel free to spill the beans, but your accomplishments should be presented matter of factly, not to impress her.
9. All eyes on her
Keep strong eye contact. If your eyes dart around or away from her when she’s talking to you, it will look insecure. Strong eye contact is one of the best things you can do on a date to create a sense of connection and chemistry. Not to mention sexual tension.
In one study, staring into a stranger’s eyes produced feelings of attraction after only a couple of minutes.
“Researchers Kellerman, Lewis, and Laird (1989) set out to explore the effects of mutual eye contact on participants’ feelings of romantic love. In two experiments, participants were randomly paired into opposite sex couples and given the instructions to either gaze at their partner’s hands, eyes, or count the number of eye blinks for two minutes.
After completing that task, participants filled out various questionnaires to assess their feelings about their assigned partner.
Results of the questionnaires indicated that couples who participated in mutual eye contact reported stronger feelings than any other group. Specifically, couples who both looked into each other’s eyes reported significantly higher feelings of affection, passionate love, dispositional love, and liking for their partner.
Thus, as the researchers note, “subjects induced to exchange mutual unbroken eye gaze for 2 min with a stranger of the opposite sex reported increased feelings of passionate love for each other”
If you’re tempted to avoid eye contact and stare at a wall instead, just remember that you’re missing an opportunity to create sparks.
These basics will make it easier to have great first dates that turn into second dates. Above all, have fun on your dates and more women will have fun with you. It’s easy to turn dates into dry science experiments if you forget that you’re there to enjoy yourself.