I remember that day, very clearly. The day I lost my virginity. It was a prom night and was totally pre-planned between myself and my girlfriend whom I thought at that time would eventually be my wife. However, I remember that as I stood in front of the mirror adjusting my bow tie to get ready for prom, I couldn’t help feeling a little hesitant to have sex. So many questions were running through my mind, what if I didn’t like it? What if she didn’t like it? What if it ruined our friendship?
I remember feeling as though being hesitant to have sex made me less of a man and chastising myself about it. It’s not a bad thing if you feel hesitant or even nervous before your first sex. It’s natural. Porn videos and movies may make sex seem like not such a big deal but your first time is a big deal. Your first time can be fun, intense, uncomfortable, awful or unimpressive.
It may not be possible for you to plan to have the best sex with your partner because everyone feels differently physically and emotionally during, before and after sex. This is why it can be very useful if you understand a few things about sex before your first time especially because of the numerous sex myths and taboos you’ll hear all around you from friends, the media and other sources. You’ll be fine with your first sex if you take note of the following effective things.
1. Make sure you’re ready to have sex before your first time
Although, everyone who has sex now once had a first time and based on their current sexual experiences, they may feel like their first time was insignificant, probably because it was awful. However, your first sex is a big deal which is why you need to ask yourself a few questions to make sure you’re actually ready to have sex. There are many questions, but you can start with these:
- Do you know your partner well?
- What feelings do you have for your partner? Are they comfortable, warm feelings or just pure lust? This is important so that you don’t end up having stronger feelings after sex when you’re not supposed to.
- How does your partner feel about you? Are you in a real relationship or is this a hookup?
- What do you know about birth control, safe sex and STDS?
- What have your family, religion and society taught you about sex?
- Do you feel pressured (either by your sex partner or your peers) to have sex?
- How do you want your first sexual experience to be like?
- What would you do if your partner or yourself contracted an STI or STD or got pregnant?
- How will your relationship with your partner change after sex?
- Are you actually ready for sex?
2. Being a virgin is not a big deal
Your friends might have teased you endlessly about it, called you different names or even called you gay. You should know that being a virgin is not a disease, neither is it the end of the world. There are still many virgins all over the world. In fact, many of your teasing friends might actually be virgins.
3. It could hurt slightly…Or not
Don’t freak out, all I’m trying to say is that male/female intercourse can hurt a girl if her body is not properly prepared for sex. This is why a foreplay is necessary for a girl’s first sex. While a guy can get aroused really fast, a girl gets aroused much slower. However, for comfortable and painless sex to occur, the girl’s vagina needs to be lubricated.
You can arouse her till her body produces lubrication itself or use lube to make the whole process much smoother and pleasurable because you may not have the patience to wait till she is fully aroused that first time. However, you should probably choose the right lube because oil-based lubes usually mess with the latex condoms which are needed for safe sex.
4. Forget all those sex myths you’ve heard
It’s better you get rid of all the myths you’ve been fed about sex, to avoid making an unavoidable mistake and regretting it. Martin Luther King, Jr said, “Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.” and I subscribe to this belief. You should probably get your sex facts right before having sex. Don’t be swayed by sex myths like:
- Sex hurts a lot at the first time. There is some truth to this but with proper preparation, sex doesn’t have to hurt
- You can’t stop once you’ve started having sex.
- You won’t get pregnant when you have sex the first time.
- Your vagina might become loose when you have sex the first time.
- The guy should be the one to take care of the protection
- Popping the cherry or breaking the hymen is important for you to lose your virginity.
- The pain is a part of having sex for the first time
- A real man should last up to 30 minutes. Pennsylvania State University researchers found that 3-10 minutes is a normal time period of sex and 10-30 minutes would be too long.
5. Not every virgin bleeds
Bleeding normally occurs in a girl who is a virgin when the hymen with its thin folds of stretchy tissue just inside the vaginal opening tears or stretches. However, different girls have different amounts of hymenal tissues. Some have thinner hymenal tissues or hymenal tissues with fewer blood vessels and hymenal tissues can get worn away or torn due to physical activities like cycling or during masturbation or fingering. Which is why you should not believe that every virgin bleeds during sex.
6. Take precautions, STIS, STDs and HIV are real
Although, it cannot always be this way for everybody, your first time should be preplanned with precautions. I’m not talking about plans for comfort and pleasure like a great hotel room, sexy background music, candles or a bed covered in rose petals. Rather, I’m talking about birth control and safe sex. Are you ready for the responsibility of raising a child? If not, you should consider talking to a doctor about what precautions you can take during sex to avoid pregnancy.
You should probably know, in case you’re subscribing to funny myths, every girl can get pregnant even if it’s her first time. Her virginity does not give her a free pass through the lands of pregnancy after sex. Myths like standing up right after sex or jumping up and down after sex don’t help to prevent pregnancy either. You can try any of these birth controls: condoms (male or female), birth control pills, sponge, spermicide, IUD, Depo-Provera and diaphragm. Some of these must be prescribed or given to you by a licensed doctor.
You can get sexually transmitted diseases and infections on your first sex. Sexually transmitted diseases aren’t mythical. Even virgins can have STIs or STDs from oral, anal, genital and even skin-to-skin contact. Sex statistics show that:
- There are 20 million new instances of sexually transmitted infections.
- 40 percent of college females are infected with some kind of virus within 24 months after their first-time having sex.
- In the US, the CDC estimates that at least one out of every six individuals within age 14 to 49 have genital herpes.
If you don’t want to use condoms, and you’ve dealt with birth control, either via IUD or birth control pills, you can both get tested for infections before sex.
7. You can say no and change your mind even if it’s a second before the act
Even if you’ve gotten to the stage of smooching or have been planning to have sex for the past six months, if you find yourself at any time before sex thinking that you don’t want to have sex or you don’t feel like having sex anymore, you have the right to tell your partner so. And you don’t have to continue until you feel absolutely sure you’re ready for sex.
8. The female partner will probably not reach orgasm
Most women need about 10 to 20 minutes of adequate clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. On the other hand, a guy gets aroused much faster. This is probably why 29% of women actually reach orgasm during sex, leaving 71% who hardly reach orgasm during sex. This is unlike the 75% of men who always reach orgasm during sex (according to National health and social life survey).
9. Your relationship might change afterwards
Sex can test your bonds with a person in many ways. You might end up regretting the sex because it pokes holes into your relationship and eventually ends it or the sex might bring more intimacy into your relationship. However, this does not mean that sex can turn a mere hookup into a healthy relationship, only caring and effort can make a relationship.
Your first time should be special, you should enjoy it which is why you should choose a partner with which you’re comfortable to have sex with. Even if you don’t have any sex skills and knowledge, your first time doesn’t have to be awful especially when you know the things discussed above.