The first and the foremost relation that human existence started off with was that of a husband and a wife. It is the strongest and the most long lasting relation as two people hold hand in hands to cover milestones and then retire together into old age. At the same time, it is the most fragile and weakest relation in the sense that it can be broken easily by choice.
Leading a balanced marriage life is not a child’s play. It’s like walking the pole between the devil and the deep sea. It requires a lot of understanding, mutual co-operation and patience to reach the finishing line. Here are some easy tips for you if you wish to bring back the spark and improve the relationship with your spouse:
1. Keep the lines of communication always open
How many nights have you spent tossing and turning in bed perturbed by some disturbing spousal behavior and unresolved suspicions revolving in your mind? Maybe, many.
Yes, it happens to all of us at one or the other point in our married lives when we start fearing the outcomes of an interrogation and thereby start avoiding the idea of having conversations at a deeper level with our significant other. That is the starting point for marital difficulties in our later life. This is because we may have the option to shut our mouths but we can’t possibly shut down our brains that are always busy analyzing situations, judging people and forming opinions about them that silently modify our behaviors and attitudes towards them.
So, if you have been feeling estranged with your husband or wife lately, it’s time you two lie down together, look into each other’s eyes and just say what has been bothering you lately. The idea works equally well if you feel that your relationship has turned too superficial and all you talk about are common issues related to work, children and family. Steal away a night, go for a date and talk your hearts out to each other. Remember that open and healthy conversations go a long way in improving relationships.
2. Try to evaluate your true feelings for each other
No matter how deeply in love you were with each other before marriage, there always comes a time when all the hype dies down. You start living more like room-mates, feeling sad and resentful that all the love and romance has faded away. That is the time people start losing interest in each other and drifting apart, sometimes leading to infidelity and the final separation.
If so is the case with you, then it’s time you put your relationship to a test. As the proverb goes “Absence makes the hearts grow fonder,” try to move away from your spouse for a few days. That would give you an opportunity to genuinely evaluate your true emotions for your spouse. If you still miss him/ her and keep thinking about each other, then celebrate the love that is still there, only buried a bit deeper. Believe it or not, this mining exercise will re-kindle the dying love and bring back the magic in your relationship.
3. Work on your appearances
As we start taking each other too much for granted in the years following marriage, it is common for married couples to stop working on their appearances. They even forget to keep a watch on their weight, looking de-shaped and unattractive after a few years. Love making declines and so does the excitement that they feel for each other.
If you want to feel the same way as you used to, recall what made you so special for each other at that time. Didn’t you want to look your best before going on a date? Didn’t you care about your body shape and hygiene? Didn’t you keep in mind the colors and fragrances that he/she liked the most? If yes, then why not today. After all he/she is the same person at heart.
Set aside some time to tidy yourself up before you meet each other every day. Start working out to tuck in that bulging tummy, even if it means going for a short walk in the neighborhood. Give yourself a nice pedicure and manicure, once a week. Doing these little things can make a large difference to how you see and feel for each other. Just try it!
4. Watch your language
More often than not, we are more careful in the selection of our shoes and bags than in our choice of words. Many a times, we say things to save our ego that may break someone’s heart. Once hurled, words never come back and no matter how much you want to take away the pain, the stains of hurt always remain. As in the beautiful words of Jason Versey, “Wounding words we say are like feathers released in a harsh wind, once said; we will never get them back.”
So always think before you say something to your spouse. Watch out for your tone and language. Try practicing the art of saying even the harshest of realities in the kindest of words. Stop using abusive and harsh language. Break the perpetual cycle of blaming each other. Start owning your actions. Work wonders with saying these 5 simple phrases: “I love you”, “Thank you”, “Please forgive me”, “You did great” and “I’m listening”.
5. Show that you genuinely care
Love and care go hand in hand. Words lose their worth if they are not reflected in your actions. Remember that small gestures of care are worth more than a thousand words of love. Prepare her a breakfast in bed on weekends. Try helping her out in the kitchen on off-days. Help the kids finish their homework and read them bed time stories. Cheer each other up by cooking his favorite meal or by bringing back a bunch of flowers for her after work. Give each other a nice, gentle massage at night to ease out the stress. Understanding the unspoken words and fulfilling the unsaid needs leads to gratification and is the key to successful relationships.
6. Surprise each other once in a while
Why not start reading between the lines today and surprise your spouse by doing small startling things for each other. Occasion or not, cheer up your partner by buying him/her small presents. Hide small notes of love in different areas of the house, amused by the vision of bringing a smile to their faces. Send romantic and sexy texts, when the other person expects them the least. Arrange for surprise holiday trips. As you go out of the way to do things for your spouse, it will bring out thankfulness from within and will be reciprocated in the same positive manner.
7. Break the routine
Life can become too boring and predictable if the same series of events keep repeating itself. It’s time you get rid of the monotonous routine and try doing some new, exciting stuff. Hop in home early some day and take her out to lunch. Plan picnics and fun tours. If you buy her a bouquet of flowers each valentine, why not bring her something different this year, maybe her favorite designer dress? Breaking the status-quo can certainly get the sparks flying again.
8. Be friends
We feel the most comfortable with our friends. Why not befriend your partner if it was not the other way round in the first place. Share jokes and funny ideas to add humor to your relationship. Be open and freely share your experiences and thoughts. Hang out together frequently. Go out for movie nights and shopping sprees. Read out to each other. Try keeping things light and avoid complications. Have fun and enjoy your life to the fullest.
9. Encourage each other
Don’t be stingy when it comes to patting your partner on the back and giving out little words of encouragement. No matter how small an achievement they make, appreciate them and encourage them to do even better. It touches our hearts to see our other half noticing our success and acknowledging our capabilities. It boosts up our confidence, lightens up our mood, grows respect for our partner and improves the relationship as a whole.
10. Make each other feel important
Don’t let your partner sulk under the impression that he/she doesn’t stand at the top of your priority list. Turn off your smartphone or your favorite TV program when they want to talk to you. Don’t listen half-heartedly or walk out on them when they are in the middle of an important conversation.
Value their interests and respect their opinions. Appreciate their talents and achievements. Treat their relations as you would treat your own. Support them in fulfilling their ambitions. Don’t just tell them that they are important, prove it by showing it too!