Standard definitions of the term are ambiguous at best because they do not factor in the actual sexual activities that are taking place during sexting. For simplicity, sake let’s just say that it is a portmanteau of sex and texting which generally happens on a mobile phone.
This may or may not happen in a private place, that part depends on what you are actually “into.” Exhibitionism, voyeurism and masturbation go “hand in hand” with sexting, pardon the pun.
Not to be confused with traditional phone sex, sexting doesn’t embody the same bridled passion that was once synonymous with phone sex. It has become inundated with naked images, questionable emoji and rude text messages. Honestly, this is the last thing you should be doing when you are sexting.
Say what? Hold on just one minute, I thought sexting was the way to get hooked up with horny women?
Hang on guys, I know you probably have a million and one questions, but the fact is sending naked pictures and dumb text messages are not the best way to score points with the ladies. Truth be told, a lot of women prefer to get to know your mind before your body and we all know that romance is important to them. (Hey, look on the bright side, you can eat a pizza or two and she really won’t care.)
Speaking of the mind, it is the imagination part of sexting that mainly attracts women to it.
If we truly want to benefit from sexting, we may have to think about how we are actually sexting right now. A few adjustments are obviously needed.
I asked two friends of mine to explain this in the best way they could, here is what they had to say.
Mary:“I once sexted for over eight and a half hours with a complete stranger. His words, patience and unselfish ways just did something to me that I cannot explain to this very day. He made love to me in my mind in a way that was so deep and so connected that I have never been able to achieve the same orgasmic feeling. We did not even have sex that day, it was something far better than that, a simple connection.He got into my head and I wanted to get into his pants but he wouldn’t let me, he said he wanted to get to know me first. That made me crave him even more and up to that point, I had no idea what he even looked like.
To be honest, I did not care. He teased me and challenged me to the point of no return and I began to text him every day after that. Yes, I began pursuing him. He eventually sent me his picture but that was only after weeks had passed and we had already had mind-blowing phone sex numerous times. I am not even sure I was the only one he was having sex with, I never asked. How big or small his “junk” was or what it looked like did not matter, it was how he connected to me and made me want and need him that turned me on. He is my husband now, and yes we still sext to this very day and even more so when he is away on business trips.
This really fits well into our voyeuristic fetishes. The only difference is now our sexting episodes can start on the phone but end in our bed.”
Jennifer:“Sexting for me means that I am able to do things to men that I can only describe. I provide me with this incredible control over a man’s mind that I find truly sexy and intoxicating. The acts that I can describe in minute detail are not actually possible for me to do in the real world because I am much more “outwardly” conservative than I like to admit. For example, I think about having sex with an entire football team, but it does not mean that I would actually consider doing that. Men fantasize about things too. I like to hear about what makes them tick, I just do not necessarily want to participate in any of them.
No, I don’t want to be tied up to a bedpost by someone I just met, even though it does sound hot. Can you say, a possible serial killer? Yes, I watch too much CSI! Fantasies are far better and safer in the mind (in my opinion). For me, sexting is the best way to explore them, you can let go and imagine yourself doing the things you dream about doing but can’t or won’t do.
With imagination sex as I like to call it, you are in control of the entire process and you make it perfect in your mind. When you do this, you experience an orgasm that is so strong and passionate, real sex cannot compete. Women often have a hard time reaching this point during sex, it is far easier for them to masturbate and in this instance, they are not actually alone and that makes it so much better.”
It is also interesting to note that both women agreed, what they hated most about sexting was men who think that sending text messages that read, “Can I see your breasts” is attractive.
Mary described it best :“Receiving a message like that is a complete turn off and more than that, it is just rude. You would never run up to a random stranger and ask her this question in person because you will get bitch slapped. Why do men think that it’s ok to do that on the phone? Women want to be challenged, we want to be wooed and we want to be treated the same on the phone as in real life. The game doesn’t change, just the medium in which the game is played on does.”
The Good News? There is a better way for men to play the sexting game.
The rules of engagement:
1. Be patient
Most women are not going to dive right into sexting the first time they chat with you. It is all about the repeat calls or phone numbers that you get. This is what you are actually playing for. Subsequent phone calls or text messages will eventually lead to something a little bit more titillating. Patience is a virtue in this game.
2. Ask for nudes only after you know each other better
Real women do not sext nude pictures to random strangers! In other words, you gotta get to know someone before asking them to talk drity with you, sending random text messages or pictures of yourself is a complete waste of time and it’s actually kind of creepy.
3. Do reality checks
A reality check is definitely needed here, most sexting profiles are not real. I repeat, most profiles on dating and sexting sites are not real. The real ones are usually professional models or women just looking for an ego boost. Research the places you are using before you waste countless hours looking for the perfect person only to realize, they never existed in the first place. Sexting sites that allow anyone to register for free are the worst because no one ever texts back!
In the above instance, you are at risk of taking dirty with an underage person (or someone posing as an underage person) which can lead to criminal charges.
3. Invest some time
You must pay to play if you do not want to be ignored or want instant gratification. Sexting is just like dating, you have to work at it. You can check out some sexting examples on how to talk dirty to a girl.
Once you have mastered the other rules, you are finally ready to play.
Strategies for winning the game
- Sexting is best played in the mind. Try to be more teasing and provocative rather than demanding and self-assured. It only makes you look like a complete ass and frankly, it’s boring!
- Create some mystery about yourself, everyone likes a challenge.
- Do not tell the person you are sexting everything about yourself right away. Make them want more. Be the tease you know you can be.
- If you simply want a quickie, pay for it!
- Do not send naked pictures of yourself to strangers. Ever!
- Here is where you really need to get creative. You can send naked pictures of yourself (upon request) if you feel that you can trust that person, however there is a right way and a wrong way to do it.
- The right way for men to send naked images is to send full body shots. Women hate pictures of a penis without anything attached to it. Most often, women will not share these images so there is a some level of safety in doing so. However, if you make her mad, you are on your own with that one. “Hell hath no fury like a women scorned.”
- Women can send naked images of their body parts but should never include anything they do not want to be recognized because men do tend to share these pictures. In fact, men brag about getting them.
*This is another game for another time.
Playing the game
– “I dreamt about you last night, it was hot — very hot, have you ever had a dirty dream about anyone?”– “I don’t know if this is normal, but my legs get weak every time I get a text from you.”– “Just saw something really sexy that made me think bad thoughts of you.”– “I just had the dirtiest thoughts about me and you ever. Too dirty to even talk about ~ unless of course, you want to know”– “If I were with you right now, where would you want me to kiss or touch you?”– “What would you say if I wanted to come over and spend the entire day in bed with you?”-“Every time I think about you, I cannot help but think of how sexy you are.”-” I am curious, what is the sexiest thing anyone has ever sexted to you or vice versa?”
“Sometimes when I think about you, I want to strip you naked, throw you on my bed and make love to you until the sheets are soaked and you leave scratches on my back”
End of the game
The game is completed when each person is satisfied and have taken steps to ensure that all evidence is destroyed once the game is over.
The real reason you should never share naked images when sexting is because they can be used as blackmail later on if not deleted. Sexting is only truly fun and safe when it is carried out in the imagination by consenting adults or by using applications that delete the images after the session has ended.
Want to know more about talking dirty? Read the Ultimate Guide To Master Seductive Texting.