My girlfriend in college was a vaper. We could talk for hours about the best number of wraps on a fused Clapton coil. Or which e-cigarettes were the best. And the vape tricks! She could do Bane’s Mask like you wouldn’t believe. But then she got a semester abroad at the University of Westminister.
We talked about the long-distance thing. But, in the end, we decided to make a clean break. Besides, she loves British accents. I was doomed anyway. Damn Benedict Cumberbatch. But, quoting the great Dierks Bentley, free and easy down the road I go.
As I left college and entered the working and dating world, I found that the language of vaping that I so enjoyed sounded like gibberish to non-vapers. Talking about my latest atty build was not as entertaining to a girl at the gym as it is hanging with my roommates. And posting a hand-check pic of my new mesh coil tank is instantly swipe left material. Through it all, I learned some valuable lessons on vaping and dating. Unless she is a vaper, talking about your vape is not exactly the best topic to talk about with a girl!
So, my good men, I have developed some ground rules for dating and vaping. Especially with a girl who doesn’t vape. These are rules to live by and thrive by. The goal is to not be defined by being a vaper. You are much more than that. At least I hope you are! These five rules for vaping and dating will allow you to show it. Good luck!
Rule # 1. Don’t Hide It
If you vape, don’t hide it! There are a lot of girls turned off by vaping. You just have to accept it. Sure, a lot of the negative information out there on vaping may be untrue. Nonetheless, the negative public perception exists. Don’t be discouraged. A lot of girls will at least be open to hearing more about vaping. But what they won’t be open to is if you lie about it. When making your online dating profile, own up to it. And as a former smoker who now vapes, I am definitely not ashamed of being an enthusiastic vaper.
Understand that for a non-vaper, the perception of e-cigarettes can range from mysterious to ominous to curious. Talk about why you vape. Here are a few talking points:
I vape instead of smoking cigarettes.
I enjoy it as a hobby but the main purpose is not to smoke.
Vaping has a bad rap but it is better than smoking according to most studies.
That’s it. Don’t get too deep into it. Remember, you don’t want her to define you as someone who vapes. Don’t hide it but also don’t obsess about it.
Rule # 2. Don’t Hook Your Date On Vaping!
Don’t be a jerk. If your date does not smoke, don’t get her into vaping. As vapers, we have a responsibility to stick to the intended purpose of vaping. Sure, vaping is a hobby that I love. But it is also my method of not smoking cigarettes. That is what vaping is for. Let me share a story.
A year out of college I shared a three-bedroom apartment and we needed a new roommate. There was a new guy at work, just out of college, and he was looking for a place. He moved in. people are curious about vaping and want to try it. He was no exception. I gave in and set him up with an old mod. Long story short, he’s a full-on vaper now. He loves it and holds no grudges. But not a day goes by that I don’t feel bad about it.
Don’t hide that you vape. Don’t lie. But don’t encourage a non-smoker to start vaping. Keep your vaping to yourself as much as possible. Don’t vape in front of her family. Furthermore, if she has younger siblings, don’t vape around them ever. That is a general rule of thumb for all vapers. Don’t vape around kids!
Rule # 3. Don’t Geek Out With Vaping Tricks & Terms
Rule number three is partly covered by rule number one. Specifically, don’t obsess about your vaping. She doesn’t want to hear about vaping any more than she wants to hear about your theories on the origin story of Venom, unless she’s into that. Do you really buy the Planet of the Symbiotes theory? Anyway. The same goes for vaping. Don’t obsess or geek out.
That also means go easy on the esoteric vape terms. She is not going to want to hear about why mesh coils are better than a quad coil. Nor will she want to hear about squonking, the deck on your RDA, or the fire time of your new mod. All that stuff is awesome but boring to a non-vaper. After dating for a few weeks and she asks about it well then sure. But in that case, refer to rule number two. Don’t get a non-smoker into vaping. You’ve got to walk the line.
It is a safe bet that she is not going to want to see your vape tricks on the first few dates. Blowing Os or doing Ghost Inhale with vapor in and out the nose can look alien and gross to some non-vapers. In fact, assume that being around vape clouds will make her uncomfortable. Be courteous.
Rule #4. Leave The Mod At Home On The First Date
On the first date, leave the mod at home. I once took my mech and RDA on a first date. It was outside at a park so I asked if she would mind if I vaped. She said okay. I thought I was being a chivalrous gentleman. Of course, using the RDA meant I had to drip the juice on the coil. I was constantly vaping and dripping. Plus I always had the thing in my hand. Taking a mod on a first date is a constant reminder that you vape. At this point, it becomes part of how she identifies you. That again takes us back to rule number one. You have a lot of skills to impress women, at least I assume so! You don’t want to be defined by vaping.
Leaving your bulky mod at home on the first dates will ensure that your vaping does not define you. Why? Because it will not always be in sight. Always associated with you. Now, if you go out for a few hours, longer hopefully, you will need a vape from time to time. This is why you need a backup vape. I call it my dating, work, and travel vape.
The ideal dating vape is a cigalike or a JUUL. Now, this is a matter of opinion, but the JUUL and all the pods that look like a JUUL have a bad rap. In addition, they are everywhere. Be different. My ideal dating vape, also for work and travel, is an old school cigalike. The cigalike is strictly utilitarian. It is not showy. A cigalike communicates that you vape to not smoke and that you are not just following the herd.
Rule # 5. Don’t Vape While She Is Talking
This is another lesson I learned the hard way. Rebecca, I apologize again. I really was listening! I heard everything you said about how an MRI works. I didn’t fully understand it but was trying to. The magnets and the protons. I would have liked to have heard more but never got the chance. She was awesome and I blew it. Because I vaped while she was talking!
Here is a scenario. You pass the test on the first date. She accepts your vaping. You lucky dog! Then, you are sitting at a table by a trendy food truck and as she is talking, you start vaping. If you vape while she is talking to you it looks like you are not listening. It looks like you are only thinking about vaping.
Listen, after this happened I took an informal survey among female friends and vaping while someone is talking comes across as a preoccupation. It’s weird. Oddly enough, smoking while someone is talking is not seen the same way. I can’t provide a scientific, sociological reason for this. I don’t understand the dynamic but in my experience, it exists.
Don’t vape while she is talking to you about her day, her goals, or anything of importance to her. Listening on a first date is especially important. This is the getting to know you phase and she is opening up. Listen now. Vape later.
Before you go, here is a recap of the five rules for vaping and dating:
- Admit you vape but don’t flaunt it.
- If she doesn’t smoke, don’t get her into vaping.
- Don’t geek out with vape tricks or lingo.
- Leave the mod at home on the first dates, us an old school e-cig or abstain.
- Don’t vape when you should be listening.
Remember, be prepared to be rejected for your vaping. It happens. But never lie about it. In my experience, there are plenty of women who are open to vapers even though they may have initial misgivings. The overarching theme is to be respectful and considerate.
No matter how much of a vaping aficionado you are, it does not define you. The rules for vaping and dating are designed to present yourself in a way that will not ultimately lead her to think of vaping when she thinks of you. Keep that goal in mind. And have fun! There are plenty of women out there who will accept you just as you are. Theoretically anyway.