The Beginner’s Guide to MGTOW: The “Men Going Their Own Way” Movement

By Patrick Banks

Posted 3 weeks agoDATING

What is MGTOW? Well, put simply, MGTOW is an acronym which stands for “Men Going Their Own Way.” What does this mean, however? Well, it means a lot of things. As with any ideology or a large group of people, it’s really hard to nail down exactly what they believe… but in this article, we’re going to do our best to explain just what MGTOW is.
The Beginner's Guide to MGTOW-The Men Going Their Own Way Movement

I believe it’s important to be transparent, so for the sake of honesty, let me explain what I think of MGTOW, so you can understand my biases.

In a nutshell, I believe that MGTOW does bring up SOME good points, but they are primarily driven by bitterness and anger. Some of the ideas found within MGTOW can be helpful, but there are also many toxic ideas in the world of MGTOW. As with anything, it’s complicated.

That being said, I will try to present this information in the least biased way possible… so that men can make an educated decision about this “MGTOW” movement.

Here is what we will be covering in this article:

  • What MGTOW is
  • Why Men Go Their Own Way
  • The Arguments For MGTOW
  • The Arguments Against MGTOW
  • The Dark Underbelly of MGTOW
  • …and more

So, if you’re intrigued about this movement that’s already got over a million men onboard, then you need to read on.

MGTOW Definition (What is MGTOW?)

MGTOW stands for “Men Going Their Own Way,” which basically means that it’s a bunch of men who are tired of women, and don’t want to enter into long term relationships with them.

…and while it’s kind of hard to agree with that premise, they do bring up some decent points. But first, let’s consult good old Urban Dictionary to see what it says:

            MGTOW 

Bitch ass Neckbeards who think they know everything about women even though they’ve never talked to one. Think they’ve been “red pilled” but in reality, they just gave up on trying to get women and beat it to porn because they look like a baboon’s ass cheek. If you disagree with these losers they’ll call you a “blue pilled cuck”.

Well. That’s not very promising. Let’s try another, perhaps:

MGTOW 

Ugliest people you will ever see. Blames how unattractive they are on women, because they can’t get laid. Any sensible person would rather fuck a Neanderthal than these retards. They praise each other’s 2 inches of destruction and think they’re special. Do not interact with these thirsty cucks, you will lose at least 90% of your brain cells!

I see. Again, that isn’t very promising. Let’s try taking a definition from their own website, to see what they think of their own movement, and how they define it.

According to MGTOW.com:

“Men Going Their Own Way – is a statement of self-ownership, where the modern man preserves and protects his own sovereignty above all else. It is the manifestation of one word: “No”. Ejecting silly preconceptions and cultural definitions of what a man is. Looking to no one else for social cues. Refusing to bow, serve and kneel for the opportunity to be treated like a disposable utility. And, living according to his own best interests in a world which would rather he didn’t. In other words… common sense for men.”

That’s very interesting, now isn’t it? Here, we have two completely different definitions on each end of the spectrum – one claiming that they’re a bunch of neckbeard losers, and the other claiming that they’re simply following common sense. Let’s explore MGTOW further to discover the truth.

Why Men Go Their Own Way

According to the MGTOW philosophy, most women nowadays are damaged beyond all repair, and the odds are so stacked against men, that there’s zero reason for men to enter into a long-term, intimate relationship with a woman.

As I said, they do bring up some good points. Yes, the divorce courts are skewed against men (which we will discuss later). Yes, on average, relationships are much different today than they were 50 years ago… but in my experience, this isn’t a good reason to simply “abandon” society.

Men who “go their own way” often do so to focus on themselves. I have no issue with this. I think that focusing on yourself and improving your own life is the best thing you can do.

The most basic premise of self-improvement is that you need to focus on your own needs and wants, and set strong boundaries. Otherwise, you will not be a functional, productive member of society, who adds value to the people around you.

This is one way that MGTOW can benefit men. Take a look at some of the posts from the MGTOW Subreddit, for example, of men accomplishing their dreams:

Apparently, he’s learned how to rock climb and is busy focusing on his own pursuits. “Monk Mode” is a popular concept found in the MGTOW community, which basically means you don’t masturbate, or look at porn… ever.

Another MGTOW man posted this image in the subreddit, which received 111 upvotes:

A great quote, from a very wise man… but unfortunately, MGTOW isn’t all great quotes and self-improvement. Much of it is simply a big circle jerk on how terrible women are.

Take for instance, some of the following posts, found within the MGTOW subreddit.

Do women prefer men with money? Many of them.

Are some women crazy? Absolutely. But nothing wrong about that!

Do women are victims of rapes, double standards, lower pays for the same work? Definitely.

Does the society need to change towards equal gender freedom, including people who don’t want to be associated with any particular gender and described as THEM? Yes, it’s high time for the mental evolvement of the society and hopefully, more and more people will be open-minded enough to embrace the unity in differences.

Do women sometimes feel drawn to radical feminism, because it’s just an excuse to justify their anger towards men? Of course.

But again, herein lies my issue with MGTOW. It’s not a balanced perspective.

It doesn’t show anything about the other 50% of marriages that didn’t get divorced.

It doesn’t show anything about how happy you can be with the right woman.

It’s basically just the male version of radical feminists who hate women.

The Arguments For MGTOW

Some of the arguments for MGTOW make sense, and some of the ideas found within this community are solid.

Take, for example, the climbing divorce rates. While it’s usually estimated to be anywhere between 30% and 50%, you can’t deny that it’s high… and it typically leaves men broke.

Most men who go through a divorce, feel incredibly objectified. Often times they end up having to pay alimony, far more than what they can afford, and end up living in shambles themselves.

For example, CBS News reports on alimony bias:

“Government statistics vary. The Census Bureau says 243,000 people got alimony last year, 98 percent of them women. The Internal Revenue Service says 361,000 taxpayers claimed they paid a total of $9.6 billion in alimony in 2015, though only 178,000 reported receiving spousal support. (The gap has irked the government for years; the IRS said in 2014 it was improving its strategies for dealing with the discrepancies.)”

This, of course, only adds more fuel to the fire for MGTOW. The data shows that most men get the short end of the stick in divorce courts, and that most divorces are initiated by women.

In addition to this, MGTOW often cites what they call “female privilege,” which is the idea that women get special privileges, in the dating, legal, and financial realms.

Yes, it is true that hiring processes are skewed in favor of women. A less qualified woman will often times get chosen over a more qualified man, simply because of quotas.

Yes, it is true that women serve less prison time for the exact same crimes. Yes, it is true that women will sometimes use their beauty and sexual appeal to get away with things.

But at the same time, women will earn less money for the same skills and work than a man, will more likely have more home duties than her man and her voice will be heard less stronger in a serious conversation than her male counterpart. Not speaking about sexual violence so common in most parts of the world.

MGTOW does bring up some good points, we can’t deny this.

…but, unfortunately, there is a very dark underbelly of MGTOW filled with hate and resentment. Many of these men take these points way too far and come to all kinds of conclusions and assumptions that seem absolutely ridiculous.

The Arguments Against MGTOW

Figure 1 Having a happy relationship is one way to avoid being MGTOW

While many of these MGTOW men do bring up good points, it’s very clear to me that they take them WAY too far. Again, I liken them to the male version of radical, man-hating feminists.

Do feminists bring up good points sometimes? Absolutely. Do some of them take it too far, and proclaim that “all men are rapists” and that “all men” are oppressing them? Of course.

It seems similar with MGTOW. While their fundamental premises are true, the conclusions some of these guys come to are, well… a little bit insane.

Many of them are driven by anger and rage, caused by a particularly bad divorce, or perhaps a woman they loved cheating on them. Do these things happen? Of course.

Take, for example, one popular MGTOW forum, in which one user states you should never get married, never get a woman pregnant, and never cohabit with women:

“Do NOT sign the marriage contract, and don’t impregnate. Doing these things give all of the poker chips to the wife/mother when they go to anti-family courts. Cohabitation is a bad idea in general, but in most states/provinces (common-law marriage bulls~~~ laws) cohabitation is legally better than signing the marriage contract.”

While I can understand his fear of getting married, it’s clear that this is not a good way to live your life. If you never have kids or develop a long-term relationship with a woman, you will not be very happy… period. Common sense is no longer common anymore.

The truth of the matter is that most people will derive happiness from having a long-lasting, intimate relationship, and by having a large family with children.

We are evolutionarily programmed to want and need intimacy, long-term security, and children, and if these biological needs aren’t met, we won’t be as happy as we could be.

…and while many MGTOW people might say it’s not worth it nowadays, I would contend that it still is, with one caveat: be careful.

You should screen your partner for any red flags, and obviously, if they show a tendency to be dishonest, to lie, to manipulate, or to cheat, then you should be smart and avoid them.

Many of these men did a terrible job at screening a girl, signed away their rights in a marriage contract, and then they’re surprised that things came crashing down for them.

Much of this anger and disappointment could simply be avoided by learning some game, and learning how to screen women properly.

The Dark Underbelly of MGTOW

Lastly, I would like to show some examples of how MGTOW philosophy can be extremely toxic to some men. Again, while they do bring up good points, some men take it way too far.

Many men cling to MGTOW, because they want an excuse for their own failures. They want an excuse, and something else to blame, for the fact that they have shit for brains.

This is why a lot of fat, neckbearded, loser men will often times cling to MGTOW – because it serves as an “excuse” as to why they can’t get laid.

It couldn’t be that they haven’t ever stepped foot in a gym, or that they’re socially awkward, needy, and codependent, could it? Of course not! It’s those damn women!

Take a look at some of these examples of the bitterness within MGTOW:

And, of course, there’s the infamous Elliott Rodger. He was so angry that he was rejected by women, that he literally shot up a school.

I don’t want to paint a whole ideology by just one person, but this underlying theme of anger and rage seems to permeate the MGTOW movement like stink on a pig.

As another example, I recorded a recent video explaining howMGTOW has some good ideas, but it’s sometimes taken too far. The video was level-headed, unbiased, and presented both sides of the argument quite fairly.

What did I receive in return? Death threats, people calling me a “faggot,” an “incel,” and telling me to kill myself, and a 90% dislike ratio.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv1Lvg6Gwf8&t=

I deleted the worst of the comments, but believe men, the anger was very real. These men were so overwhelmed by their bitterness and rage, that they just had a visceral reaction.

Am I surprised? Not particularly. Am I disappointed? Absolutely.

While society is messed up in many ways, especially dating for millennials, simply withdrawing to your own life, and refusing to engage in society is not a good solution.

Conclusion

In summary, while I think that MGTOW does bring up some good points, it’s clear that many of these “Men Going Their Own Way” are entirely driven by anger and rage.

Yes, the divorce courts are rigged against men. Yes, modern dating is messed up. Yes, modern men have different challenges to deal with than men in the past.

Men have to deal with more shit tests nowadays than they did before. Men have more competition with the advent of Tinder and Instagram. Yes, I understand this.

But is this an excuse to hate all women, and become bitter? Of course not. There are good women, and there are bad women, just like there are good and bad men.

The key lies in screening the people in your life, so you know you can trust them. Many of these men could avoid a great deal of heartache, if they simply screened women harder.

Work hard, focus on yourself, and set strong boundaries. This is the key to success. Rather than becoming bitter, become better, and you will realize just how great your life can be.

About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.