Do Girls Like Nice Guys? The Nice Guy Syndrome And Why It’s A Problem

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Want to make a girl cringe? It’s easy: Invite her out; make sure she’s aware that, when it comes to seeing her, your schedule is absolutely flexible. Look deeply into her eyes, and shower her with compliments like she’s the most amazing thing in the world. For added effect, tell her you feel as if you’re falling in love and want to be with her forever. Don’t forget to change all of your opinions to suit hers.

Sounds crazy, right? Yep, but that’s what most guys are doing, while still wondering why the woman of their dreams isn’t falling for them. Hint: Being nicer, won’t make it better.

Being too nice is the best contraceptive

Females are players too; we love challenges and we want to feel that the guy we’re dating is a “good catch.” When a guy is acting too eager and clingy, he kills the thrill of the chase, and losses all of his sexual attractiveness. If he’s trying too hard, it makes us wonder if he really likes us for who we are, or is just hanging around because we’ve paid him some attention.

Being too nice isn’t unforgiveable. It’s the perceived reasons behind “Nice Guy” actions that make them so unattractive—the desperate need to be accepted. Worshipping a girl comes across as fake; we usually just think “Nice Guys” are being nice to get something in return (attention, sex, or both), which, in our mind, doesn’t make them such “Nice Guys” anymore.

Why soft guys are becoming a trend

Classic Hollywood alpha male characters, like James Bond and Don Corleone, were strong and had definite values. Now, our modern male hero is a lost-in-the-world, self-absorbed type guy with soft characteristics. Of course everyone likes nice guy Ted from “How I Met Your Mother,” but it’s Barney that ends up scoring every night!

Now think about how much time you spend online. Guys spend more time online than ever before. As a result, guys are finding real social interactions more difficult. Sitting at home in front of your computer, won’t teach you anything about interacting with real women. You have to go out and engage in real conversations.

Women have become more independent than they were in the past. Now it’s common for women to have successful careers and be financially independent. Women go to bars, and hangout and hookup with guys. Classic male roles no longer apply, leaving many men wondering where they fit in all of this. If they are no longer the head of the family, the provider, what are they?

“Nice,” seems to be the answer the typical Nice Guy would give. It’s partially true: today society demands guys be more sensitive and empathetic than ever before. Men often try to disguise their insecurities with a variety of asexual behaviors that don’t get them any closer to being the manly men that we (women) desire.

Cavemen got it right

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To understand the basics of what attracts a woman to a man, let’s step back from our lives, forget our smartphones and Facebook accounts, and imagine it’s 10000 BC. To survive, women needed a strong man that could protect them and their children. These survival mechanisms persist to this day and shape our behavior.

Women may consider a Nice Guy as a potential partner, but there’s also some inner voice that whispers and asks: “Is this guy an alpha male?” “Is this guy strong enough to protect me and my children?” We instinctively interpret needy behavior and dependence as a sign of low rank and bad genes.

Deep inside, even strong, independent women desire a partner that’s able to take con-trol of a relationship. We want a man that takes initiative. Nice Guys always have us making the decisions. Next time you ask a girl out, make sure you have an idea where you want to go, a place to impress her, somewhere she’s never been before.

Nice Guys turn into friends, Bad Guys turn into lovers

In my previous article, I mentioned how women complain that guys are immature ass-holes, and how we tend to overlook Nice Guys and choose Bad Guys anyway. We often value the confidence, independence, and masculinity that Bad Guys project. We want to spend time with someone we’ve earned that time from, not from someone that give his time to just anyone.

The insecure, soft “beta man behavior” of the Nice Guy usually just gets him deeply stuck in the friend zone, and negates his sexuality. An Alpha Male would never be a girl’s lap dog. He would only show interest in a girl that gives him attention and treats him well too.

Show her you’re a sexual being! Take care of your body, flirt with other girls, and don’t be afraid to tease her. Show her that other women find you desirable. We ladies find a feeling of competition a huge turn-on.

High self-esteem is the key to success

When a Nice Guy meets a girl whom he thinks is “out of his league,” he starts playing too nice to win her over. If you put women too much on a pedestal and start thinking: “What if she rejects me?” “What if she leaves me?” “Will I end up alone?”—you’ve lost already!

You’re only as valuable to a partner as you believe yourself to be. If you get it set in your mind that she’s “out of your league” it will manifest in insecure behaviors. Why would this amazing girl be with you, if you don’t believe that you are worthy of being with her?”

For others to appreciate you, you have to like yourself first. Work on developing your passions, step-by-step you can change into a different, better person. Try playing a different sport or visiting another country. Doing different, interesting things can be a self-esteem booster.

It’s okay to make plans separate and apart from her. This will make the time you set aside for her have real value. Say “no” more often, so that she knows you’re strong and decisive. Make her interested in your feelings. Never give the impression that she “owes” you her time. Instead of rushing to meet her after she calls, keep yourself busy with activities related to your own life. Pretend to forget about her from time to time.

I don’t encourage you to be some muscled up, asshole type guy. Real men always treat women politely and respectfully. My point is that if you focus too much on her rather than your own happiness, you might become a victim of rejection or manipulation. How weird does that sound? Try being a bit less nice to that hot girl you’re interested in.

About the author Sarah Williams

Sarah Williams is an avid blogger who specializes in dating advice. Her interests include gender relations and the underlying mechanisms that drive human interactions. You can check out her thoughts on men, sex, dating and love at Wingman Magazine .