Sounds crazy, right? Yep, but that’s what most guys are doing, while still wondering why the woman of their dreams isn’t falling for them. Hint: Being nicer, won’t make it better.
Nice Guy Syndrome: Being TOO nice is the best contraceptive
Females are players too; we love challenges and we want to feel that the guy we’re dating is a “good catch.” When a guy is acting too eager and clingy, he kills the thrill of the chase, and losses all of his sexual attractiveness. If he’s trying too hard, it makes us wonder if he really likes us for who we are, or is just hanging around because we’ve paid him some attention.
Eventually, everyone wants to find a loving, carrying person. But there is a huge difference between being a genuinely open and kind person and trying too hard, which can be called ‘nice guy syndrome‘.
Being too nice isn’t unforgivable. It’s the perceived reasons behind “Nice Guy” actions that make them so unattractive—the desperate need to be accepted. Worshipping a girl comes across as fake; we usually just think “Nice Guys” are being nice to get something in return (attention, sex, or both), which, in our mind, doesn’t make them such “Nice Guys” anymore.
If you do all that you can to please women and you are still left alone wondering ‘ why can’t I get a girlfriend?’, maybe you suffer from the nice guy syndrome.
Why soft guys are becoming a trend
Classic Hollywood alpha male characters, like James Bond and Don Corleone, was strong and had definite values. Now, our modern male hero is a lost-in-the-world, self-absorbed type guy with soft characteristics. Of course, everyone likes nice guy Ted from “How I Met Your Mother,” but it’s Barney that ends up scoring every night! Isn’t that a classic depiction of nice guy syndrome?
Now think about how much time you spend online. Guys spend more time online than ever before. As a result, guys are finding real social interactions more difficult. Sitting at home in front of your computer, won’t teach you anything about interacting with real women. You have to go out and engage in real conversations.
Women have become more independent than they were in the past. Now it’s common for women to have successful careers and be financially independent. Women go to bars and hang out and hook up with guys.
Classic male roles no longer apply, leaving many men wondering where they fit in all of this. If they are no longer the head of the family, the provider, what are they?
“Nice,” seems to be the answer the typical Nice Guy would give. It’s partially true: today society demands guys be more sensitive and empathetic than ever before. Men often try to disguise their insecurities with a variety of asexual behaviors that don’t get them any closer to being the manly men that we (women) desire.
Nice Guys turn into friends, Bad Guys turn into lovers
In my previous article, I mentioned how women complain that guys are immature ass-holes, and how we tend to overlook Nice Guys and choose Bad Guys anyway. We often value the confidence, independence, and masculinity that Bad Guys project. We want to spend time with someone we’ve earned that time from, not from someone that gives his time to just anyone.
The insecure, soft “beta man behavior” of the Nice Guy usually just gets him deeply stuck in the friend zone, and negates his sexuality. An Alpha Male would never be a girl’s lap dog. He would only show interest in a girl that gives him attention and treats him well too.
Show her you’re a sexual being! Take care of your body, flirt with other girls, and don’t be afraid to tease her. Show her that other women find you desirable. We ladies find a feeling of competition a huge turn-on.
Nice Guy Syndrome level two: Becoming her BETA ORBITER
Most guys would get upset and would have a hard time believing it. But, the truth is that, unfortunately, tons of guys end up as beta orbiters.
A beta orbiter is a guy that women keep around solely for the sake of validation and attention. In other words, they use him.
So, if you suspect that you may be her beta orbiter, then you need to read this article for your own sake.
What if I told you that you may be a girl’s beta orbiter right now, and you don’t even realize it? How would you react?
What’s A Beta Orbiter?
According to Urban Dictionary
Beta Orbiter The non Alpha Male who hovers (or orbits) around and pedestalizes women in hopes they can get their foot in the door and get chosen or laid.That guy is always cheesing in women’s faces and “liking” their Facebook posts…such a typical Beta Orbiter
A beta orbiter is a guy that women keep around to get extra attention and validation when they need it. In fact, we’ve all probably been beta orbiter at some point in our lives, especially with online dating.
Now, tell me if the following has ever happened to you…
You like a girl, and text her all the time. You give her tons of compliments, tons of attention, and you respond to her texts immediately.
But, every time you try to hang out with her, she somehow has an excuse why she can’t see you. It never seems to happen.
That, my friend, is a beta orbiter… and it’s something that’s happened to every single one of us before. Why do women do this? It’s simple.
They want attention. Of course, it’s not every woman out there, but it’s enough that you should probably look out for it in your life.
5 Signs You’re Her Beta Male Orbiter
Now that you understand what a beta orbiter is, you should probably learn some of the signs to watch out for.
As you read this list, you’ll probably be shocked at how many women have been using you as an orbiter, to get some extra attention on the side.
- She talks about other men to you
- She’s hot and cold
- You always text her first
- She never ends up alone with you
- She’s extremely flaky
Now, let’s dive in a little bit deeper for each one.
1. She Talks About Other Men
If she’s always talking about other men, it’s most likely because she’s using you for emotional support and validation.
…and while this is certainly not always a bad thing, if you’re expecting to get laid, you’re probably barking up the wrong tree.
Of course, it’s normal to talk about your social life with women, and vice versa. But if you feel like it’s dominating the conversation, you may just be her beta orbiter.
2. She’s Hot and Cold
One of the biggest signs that you’re her beta orbiter, is that she’s extremely hot and cold. She responds back very quickly all of a sudden, and then once she gets the validation she wants, she goes cold.
The best way to combat this is to never over-validate a woman. Give her credit where credit is due, and don’t over-shower her with unnecessary compliments like 99% of men do.
3. You Always Text Her First
During the beginning stages of a relationship, it’s normal for the man to put in the most work. As it evolves however, it should end up being 50/50.
If you’ve known her for over a month and she’s never texting you first, it’s probably because she’s using you for attention.
Sorry to break it to you, but if you’ve known her for over a month, and she NEVER texts you first, she’s just not that interested in you.
4. You Never End Up Alone
If you’re constantly trying to end up alone with her, so you can seal the deal, but you never actually DO end up alone, you’re probably her beta orbiter.
Women know that if you’re both alone together, there’s a chance that something sexual could happen. So, if she’s just using you for attention, there’s a good chance she’ll never be alone with you.
If you find that you can’t stop thinking about her, start building your own lifestyle so you can get over your oneitis for her.
5. She’s Very Flaky
If a woman is sexually attracted to you, she will make an effort to hang out with you… period. If she’s not, she’ll avoid it at all costs.
This is similar to the fourth sign you’re her beta orbiter, but it’s slightly different. This is when she always makes plans, but flakes last minute.
When a girl flakes on you more than once or twice, it’s best if you cut off all contact until she initiates further.
If you continue to chase her, despite the fact that she’s wasted your time on multiple occasions, it displays neediness and is very unattractive.
Hot to recover from the nice guy syndrome and stop being her beta male orbiter
To become an attractive partner for her, you don’t necessarily have to try to become an alpha male (although incorporating some alpha male body language hacks would be extremely useful!). Be yourself. You are good enough. Trust me.
There are two crucial aspects you need to work on :
- your male sexual energy and becoming more masculine through reconecting with your primal instincts
- increase your self-esteem trough the holistic self-developement process
Cavemen often got it right
To understand the basics of what attracts a woman to a man, let’s step back from our lives, forget our smartphones and Facebook accounts, and imagine it’s 10000 BC.
Back in time, the nice guy syndrome rather didn’t exist… Guys didn’t have to ask themselves how to be more masculine… Tough life was shaping them! To survive, women needed a strong man that could protect them and their children. These survival mechanisms persist to this day and shape our behavior.
Women may consider a Nice Guy as a potential partner, but there’s also some inner voice that whispers and asks: “Is this guy an alpha male?” “Is this guy strong enough to protect me and my children?” We instinctively interpret needy behavior and dependence as a sign of low rank and bad genes.
Deep inside, even strong, independent women desire a partner that’s able to take control of a relationship. We want a man that takes initiative. Nice Guys always have us making the decisions.
Next time you ask a girl out, make sure you have an idea where you want to go, a place to impress her, somewhere she’s never been before.
High self-esteem is the key to success
When a Nice Guy meets a girl whom he thinks is “out of his league,” he starts playing too nice to win her over. If you put women too much on a pedestal and start thinking: “What if she rejects me?” “What if she leaves me?” “Will I end up alone?”—you’ve lost already!
You’re only as valuable to a partner as you believe yourself to be. If you get it set in your mind that she’s “out of your league” it will manifest in insecure behaviors. Why would this amazing girl be with you, if you don’t believe that you are worthy of being with her?”
For others to appreciate you, you have to like yourself first. Work on developing your passions, step-by-step you can change into a different, better person. Try playing a different sport or visiting another country. Doing different, interesting things can be a self-esteem booster.
It’s okay to make plans separate and apart from her. This will make the time you set aside for her have real value. Say “no” more often, so that she knows you’re strong and decisive. Make her interested in your feelings. Never give the impression that she “owes” you her time. Instead of rushing to meet her after she calls, keep yourself busy with activities related to your own life. Pretend to forget about her from time to time.
I don’t encourage you to be some muscled-up, asshole type guy. Real men always treat women politely and respectfully. My point is that if you focus too much on her rather than your own happiness, you might become a victim of rejection or manipulation. How weird does that sound? Try being a bit less nice to that hot girl you’re interested in.
All in all, most men are unaware of being stucked into a nice guy syndrome or being a girl’s beta orbiter. They go through life without ever realizing they’re being used for attention.
I’m not trying to make you paranoid, either. There’s plenty of great women who will love you for who you are, and who won’t string you along.
But, unfortunately, sometimes a few bad apples can leave a sour taste in your mouth, so it’s paramount that you learn to recognize this stuff.
If you’re starting to notice a lot of these signs, it’s most likely because you’re her beta orbiter… so cut her out, and focus on your own life!