How to Text A Girl: From Number to Date, The Definitive Guide!

By Jon Anthony

Posted 2 years agoDATING

We’ve all had it happen to us. You get a cute girl’s number, she seems excited to go on a date with you, and then out of nowhere, she begins to flake.

Whether she’s flat out ghosting you, or just doesn’t seem too interested in your advances, if you had chemistry in person, but not over text, your problem is with text game.

Text game is the ability to get a girl attracted to you, and eventually to go out on a date with you, using nothing but your phone… and in this article, we’re going to teach you how.

4 Phases of Texting A Girl

Most guys don’t know it, but there’s actually four distinct phases you’ll go through when you’re texting a girl. Understanding each and everyone of these is very important.

If you send a text that should be sent in “Phase 4,” when you’re actually in “Phase 2,” for example, she’s probably going to end up flaking on you or ghosting you.

Most of your issues with texting a girl stem from not understanding these four phases:

  1. Silence
  2. Shit Testing/Teasing
  3. Logistical
  4. Sexual/Emotional

Once you begin to understand these four phases of texting a girl, your text game will be solid, and better yet, you’ll have more dates than you know what to do with.

So, with that in mind, let’s cover each of these phases in-depth.

Phase 1: Silence

This is the awkward phase where you either haven’t sent a text message yet, or even worse, you have, and she’s ignoring you. This is the hardest phase for guys to get over.

Most of the time, if you’re getting silence from a girl, it’s because you didn’t have a good interaction in person.

Guys often ask me about text game, confused why a girl doesn’t text them back… and I’ll always ask them: “What was your interaction like in person?”

No doubt, it was awkward, unsexual, and flat-out weird. If this was the case, your issue isn’t text game. It’s learning to flirt with women and have good game in the first place.

Even so, there’s a million reasons why she might not text you back. Guys often freak out when a girl doesn’t get back to them for just a few hours, but you really shouldn’t worry.

Maybe she’s at the DMV. Maybe she’s walking her dog. Maybe she’s just plain busy. You don’t know! So, don’t lose your cool if she doesn’t text you back.

The #1 mistake guys make during this phase, is they panic and text her a bunch of random messages, because they’re worried that they’ve lost her.

This is the worst thing you can do for attraction, because it reeks of desperation and neediness.

Instead, keep your cool, wait for her to get back to you, and if she doesn’t, try sending the following “recovery” text in a week if she still hasn’t texted you back:

“Hey, I met this cute girl and we seemed to hit it off… I haven’t heard from her in a week, though and I’m kind of worried that’s she’s been kidnapped. Should I call the cops?”

If she responds to this, then great – move onto Phase 2. If not, she probably gave you her number out of pity, so it’s not worth your time to chase her and expend energy on her.

Phase 2: Shit Testing You

Ah, at last – you’ve made it past the infamous “ghosting” phase, and she’s finally starting to text you back. This will usually take the form of her testing your frame, to see how strong you are.

We’ve already covered how to pass shit tests before, but here’s a brief recap. A shit test is when a girl tests you, to see how confident you are. It can take many forms.

Over text, it can often take the form of playing hard to get. Funny enough, you can even interpret Phase 1 as a shit test. She’s testing to see if you can keep your cool.

Some common forms of text shit testing might be if she sends you the following:

  • “How many girls are you texting right now?”
  • “Do you say that to every girl?”
  • “So, what makes me different than the other girls?”

If she does shit test you, it’s a good sign. Girls only test men they’re interested in, so you should welcome the shit test, and be glad that she sent it.

As always, you pass them by either amplifying the frame, or re-framing it. If she asks you how many girls you’ve texted right now, tell her “You’re the 5,837,912th today. This is like a full time job, I swear.” Anything to keep the mood light and to tease her works.

Phase 3: Logistics Focus

This is finally where you’re starting to get somewhere – so be glad! Here, you’re beginning to talk about where a good date would be, where you live, where she goes to college, etc.

This is a sign that she’s into you. Girls don’t divulge information to random people over text, unless they’re interested in them, so take it as a good sign.

The biggest point to remember here, is that you want to get some basic logistical information:

  • The Area She Lives In
  • What She Likes To Do
  • When She’s Free

This will help you plan a good first date. If she lives right next to a coffee shop you like, for example, this can serve as an excellent first date.

The best way to text a girl in this phase, is to answer her questions, with a slight bit of banter to keep things light. This phase won’t last long, but it’s important you learn this.

She might ask you where you work, when you’re free, and things of that nature. Respond by answering her questions, but by making a joke here and there to keep things flirtatious.

If you do this properly, you will eventually land into the “holy grail” of texting phases.

Phase 4: Sexual/Emotional

This is the best phase to be in, by far. It’s where you and a girl are flirting heavily over text, and it’s where she might even send you nudes.

From here, it’s very obvious that she’s attracted to you. Just flirt with her back, keep the sexual tension rising, and most importantly, set up a time and date to meet up with her.

Remember that it’s your job, as the man, to make the date happen. She doesn’t have to do anything except show up. You need to carry the burden of the logistics.

The biggest thing to keep in mind here, is to not get too sexual right away. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but you want to keep sexual tension rising.

In rare cases, if she’s very interested in you, she will plan the logistics – but this usually only happens once you’ve been dating for a few weeks, and she’s starting to fall for you.

Girls are very emotional, and if they feel like they already know what’s going to happen, this removes all of the intrigue and curiosity they have for you.

The general rule is to be semi-sexual over text, and highly sexual in person. Don’t tell her what you’re going to do over text… just do it in person, and show her for herself.

Text Game: The Bottom Line

All in all, most men don’t understand how these four phases play out. It’s no wonder why so many dudes get ghosted and have no clue why!

Now that you understand these four phases, however, take the time to practice, and you will realize how much better your text game will be.

Expert pickup artists have a saying, and it goes like this. Beginners focus on their own state, and advanced guys focus on the girl’s state.

In other words, when you’re texting her, ask yourself: “Which of these four phases is she in right now? What is her current EXPERIENCE with me?”

Once you begin to ask this question, you will realize she’s either in phase one, two, three, or four with you, and you’ll be getting laid in no time.

As always, feel free to leave us a question or comment down below. Let us know what you think of the article, and be sure to subscribe to our newsletter!

About the author Jon Anthony

Jon Anthony is a blogger, lifestyle coach, dating expert, and fitness model, who enjoys helping men evolve into their best selves. You can read his blog at Masculine Development for free.