How to Be More Confident in Bed as a Man

By Patrick Banks

Posted 5 years agoSEX

A modern man has to deal with ostentatiously sexual content all the time. Pictures of handsome, athletic, half naked men are shown in mainstream magazines and street billboards in every city.
Gain confidence in bed

Confidence is like a house of cards: it takes a long time to build it, but one wrong move can ruin it forever. You might have felt more confident in the past, but something has happened between you and your partner that isn’t making the cut now.

You find yourself worried about your performance, and you may underestimate your sexual abilities. As much as women compare them to photoshopped photos in magazines, men compare themselves to advertised standards of manhood, too, especially when it comes to sex.

So, if you feel that you would like to get back or boost your confidence, read on and take action!

How to be more confident in bed? You can by changing your concept of what sex should be.

The easy access to porn can make you think that every woman is easily screaming with satisfaction or even squirting, pleased by her hot partner in every imaginable sexual position… It can put even more insecurity into a man’s head when he is entering the bedroom with his partner.

Your Sexuality is Holy, so Celebrate it!

In fact sex is a mutual act of an intense and intimate energy exchange between two human beings. It’s not about any score! It’s a bout connecting, celebrating and respecting one another. Including yourself… So please, don’t be harsh on yourself, balance your expectations and enjoy your sexuality.

Sex it’s not taboo anymore. Making love with someone is something perfectly normal and natural, and should not be treated as any sort of a challenge or competition. All bodies are different, and there are minds which need to connect first in order to have great intercourse.

We all have desires but we are not animals. We all want to be conscious human beings, aware of our energy flow. If you seem doubtful, let me assure you it’s not spirituality, it’s physics.

Having sex with someone is a huge energy exchange, and your life energy is the most important of what you have in this life. Better treat your own body as holy, and embrace the holiness of your partner while making love. With such a mindset, your sexual life will flourish and will help you to select and attract more amazing sexual partners.

We recommend tantra practice that brings together spirituality and sexuality and emphasizes the importance of intimacy during a sexual experience. It’s much more than sexual pleasure. It’s more about celebrating your body and feeling heightened sensuality in a state of mindfulness. Intense sensual experience can be experienced alone or with a partner.

How to be more confident in bed?

The easiest way is to simply have more great sex!

Treating sex with playfulness and respect, as an orgasmic celebration of life cannot go wrong! Unless…you are extremely shy. If you were wondering how to be more confident in bed, that’s the right article for you.

Confidence with women, being confident in bed and in life, in general, comes from the awareness of our value and what we bring while connecting with another person. Working on becoming a good lover should come from working on your self-esteem in general, keeping your sexual energy pure and strong to reinforce your masculinity.

We have published a big article about how to use zen techniques to become more masculine and channel your sexual energy wisely. Welcome to check it out!

Before we go straight to our tips about how to be more confident in bed as a man, let’s talk about performance anxiety so common in our hypersexualised world and how to overcome performance anxiety.

The 3 Ways To Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety

Let’s be honest about things here for a minute…

If you’re bad in bed, you’re going to struggle keeping attractive women with options in your life. Basically, any woman you’d want to be with is going to get frustrated with your sexual skills and leave you. Reality may not be what you’d want to hear, but we live in a cold world.

However, this information shouldn’t get you down. You should not be saddened by this fact. Actually, this should be great information for you to hear. If women don’t stay with men who are bad in bed, they have to date and have sex with somebody. That means attractive women only stay in the lives of men whom are good in bed. Dominant men with confidence to rock their world between the sheets.

Thus, all a man must do to keep women in his life is become one of these men – one of the men who rocks a woman’s world in the bedroom. Now, if you’ve been struggling with sexual performance anxiety in the bedroom this may sound daunting. Yet, don’t get down. There are a few easy, yet unconventional methods you can use to gain confidence in bed almost instantly.

The problem is most people who have figured these methods out don’t want to share them with you. They’d rather keep all the girls satisfied themselves – but I’m not that greedy.

Here are 3 steps to overcome sexual performance anxiety:

Step 1: Figure out why you’re experiencing performance anxiety

First, you’re going to have to be honest with yourself about your specific sexual performance issue. Do you think you come to quickly in bed? Do you believe you’re sexually inexperienced? Do you think you have a small penis? Or do you think you there is another issue holding you back from driving a woman wild in the bedroom?

As you may have noticed, the word “think” was in every question above. This was on purpose. The mind is the most powerful weapon in a man’s arsenal. Your mind will control how a girl feels when she is around and how she feels when you’re in bed together. Thus, you have to consciously figure out what issue is holding you back in the bedroom.

Once you have your issue sorted out, you can be begin to address it. If you come to quickly in bed, you may have a negative feedback loop that causes you to believe you are a premature ejaculator. This can easily be fixed by adjusting your subconscious beliefs.

If you think you have a small penis, I’m here to tell you it doesn’t matter. Women truly don’t care about your penis size. Women care about two things – if they have good sex that gives them an orgasm and what they can brag to their friends about. It’s easy to give women great sex, no matter the penis size. Thus, if you fuck her well, she will come and she can still brag to her friends about how good you were.

As well, sexual experience is almost irrelevant. You don’t need to sleep with a lot of women or have a lot of sex to be great in bed. Great sex is passionate sex. If you can provide a girl with passion, you can give her the sex she truly desires.

You could have a different sexual issue as well. The key is being open and honest with yourself about your sexual anxiety. Once you figure out what’s holding you back, you can solve the issue quickly.

Step 2: How your body and hormones influence your state

Sexual confidence comes from a number of things for most men, but the key is being confident in who you are in a man. If that’s an issue, the easiest way to solve it is to begin working out. Not only does working out make a man look better, you will feel better when working out.

When a man works out his hormones change. In the beginning of a work out routine, a man will start to feel his hormone levels balance. His serotonin levels will rise, which will allow him to last longer in bed.

As he continues to workout, his testosterone will begin to rise as well. The man’s estrogen levels will lower. This is a positive feedback loop. As these hormones change, the man begins to lose fat and build muscle much faster. He begins to feel confident about his new physique.

This confidence often translates to other areas of his life, including the bedroom. His newfound physique generates more attraction from women and this translates into a woman being more excited to have sex with him. The more excited a woman is, the less work a man needs to do to please her.

Now when working out, do not do a ton of cardio. You’ll want to begin chiseling a rock solid physique in the weight room. Find a program to stick to and hit the gym four to six times a week. At first, you may find going to the gym tedious and exhausting. However, once you get into a routine of going to the gym, you will begin to love it. Your body will begin to crave the endorphin rush. Your body will begin to need the boost in testosterone.

Step 3: Work on your subconscious mind to gain more confidence in bed

Now we have already discussed the mind and how it is the most important aspect of your sexuality, but we didn’t dive too deep. We will now. See, the mind essentially controls every aspect of your body and life.

The mind does so through both the subconscious mind and the conscious mind. Your conscious mind is the one you can control. The subconscious mind is the part you cannot. Yet, your subconscious mind plays a far greater role in your life than the conscious mind does. Think about it – there are many aspects of your life where you do not actually have to think when you do something. You don’t really think when you drive a car. You just do it. You rarely are consciously thinking when you become aroused. You don’t think penis get erect now. No, you automatically become erect when you are aroused.

The conscious mind controls things that you generally have to think about to do. Things like making a decision on what to eat or what clothes to wear are controlled by the conscious mind. Often, the conscious mind controls small tasks, while the subconscious mind controls the important stuff.

That one final step is hypnosis. Hypnosis is the fastest and most effective way to change your subconscious thoughts and beliefs. If you are struggling with sexual performance anxiety, you may need hypnosis to immediately change things.

Wondering how to be more confident in bed? Become a better lover!

With the help of a professional certified hypnotist, we created a product designed to rewire your mind for longer lasting with the help of 2 powerful hypnosis sessions (among other techniques). Check it out (for free) here.

How To Be More Confident in Bed: 10 Solutions to Become a Great Lover

You Suck in Bed. No worries, I’m here to help you improve.

I think we all should be able to distinguish between reality and fantasies. And I don’t believe that having a lot of fantasies, necessarily would diminish our lust and ability for the messy, noisy, complicated real-life version.

But my last four lovers have all been pretty bad. And I don’t mean bad in conversation or bad in dates or not getting along with my friends.

I mean bad, like, bad in bed.

They have not been able to give me even a glimpse of amazing sex life. That sex-life I always thought my grown-up version would have back when I was a teenager and only had sex in my fantasies. A mind-blowing sex life.

I might be a tricky case. I demand a lot of attention. Orgasm rarely happens to me. I have a list of specifics’ I like, and those are not everyone’s cup of tea.

But still, there seems to be a pattern here that made me compelled to write this article. If you don’t know your cunnilingus it doesn’t matter whether you quote Jordan Peterson or Noam Chomsky. I will still not be impressed.

But don’t worry, I’m here to give you some easy-to-use tips and tricks about how to be more confident in bed and expand your sexual potential. Take them into rotation already tonight.

What may stop you from being confident in bed

Back to the porn aspect of the problem. I will start by saying;

No, I’m not that easily turned on. It’s not enough to unbutton your pants and let the magic wand pop out. That won’t make me moan and scream with pleasure.

1. Too Quick

The problem: Too quick. We all love a quickie. Men seem to love it more than women. My four last lovers certainly were fans of the quickie. I admit it has its place. But a lot of the time it’s also just laziness.

The solution: How to be more confident in bed as a man? Take your time. According to this study the average intercourse only lasts 5 minutes.

This, of course, doesn’t include foreplay. But it does show how important it is to take the time to do lots of different things before the penis in vagina part. Since being described as the 5-minute man to her friends, is nothing you should aim for.

Another reason that the sex often feels too quick, even when it lasts longer, is that most men seem to be rushing through the different steps. Kissing. Fingering. Licking. Fucking. Changing position. And finally collapsing after ejaculation.

Don’t be one of those men. Forget about the finishing line. Forget about your orgasm. Forget about her orgasm. Just enjoy exactly what you are doing. With this technic, you will be halfway on your way to being the best sex she has ever had.

2. Selfishness

The problem: Selfishness. This is something I often hear my girlfriends complain about and occasionally experience myself.

The solution: Stop. Change. Don’t be selfish.

Being aware that a lot of men suffers from this problem, take an honest look at yourself. Could you be more generous? More open to her needs?

Try spending the whole next time you have sex without thinking about you and what you would like to do. Instead, focus on her. Listen to her. Follow the clues to her pleasure. See what happens.

I think a lot of men don’t do this because it actually puts them in a vulnerable position. If you really try hard to satisfy the women you are having sex with, if you put aside your own needs and focus on hers, a rejection of that effort will be a bigger rejection. Most men simply don’t take the risk.

How to be more confident in bed? Be less selfish! Focus on her pleasure. Learn to touch and lick her correctly and enjoy doing that (she will feel it if you don’t). Her satisfaction will be the best confidence boost! Your own pleasure can come later.

3. Trying too hard

The problem: Working too hard towards giving her an orgasm. Don’t make the sex about her having an orgasm. For some women orgasm can come easily, it’s not a sign of great sex. For others, orgasm comes rarely. Too much of a focus on this make the whole experience seem like you are a jokey trying to make your horse do a good race.

The solution: Once again. Mindfulness. It’s not the result, it’s the journey. Most men are usually not selfish, but sex is still too focused on the finishing line. We all want proof that the sex was good. We all want to make sure that the other person enjoyed themselves. Most of the time it seems like an orgasm is a golden ticket.

Don’t fall into this trap. Instead, relax, focus on what you are doing at exactly that moment, take your time before the first orgasm. Generally speaking, the longer the build-up, the more powerful the orgasm. So be prepared to spend some time in the landscape of uncertainty, the landscape of no orgasm. Or wondering if she is faking her orgasm or not…

4. Stiff and mechanical

The problem: Stiff and mechanical. Disconnected. It’s like the man in question is running through a script where any woman could have been the leading lady. Or, as one of my girlfriends put it; he was just boring.

The solution: How to be more confident in bed as a man and have a sex of your life? Try to be creative. Maybe you are not a creative person. That’s ok. I don’t mean you have to dress up like a goat, wear a clown mask, or something equally absurd. Just try and work on your playful side.

Sex is a game. Fun for adults. Channel your inner child, the one that could spend hours making sandcastles. Be open and relaxed and willing to follow different impulses. Don’t take things so seriously. Just try new things and be open to what happens.

5. Insecure

The problem; Insecurity. If you were not already insecure, I’m sure the list above made you doubt yourself. So, as the sweet women, I am, on top of all that, I’m also going to say that being insecure is a common thread among all my bad lovers.

Does that feel ok?

Are you comfortable?

Should I continue?

The solution: This point seems to contradict some of the advice handed out above. And that’s why I wanted to put it last. Because to be a truly great lover you must try to do everything above, while at the same time taking the lead.

Show her what you want, what you like. Be dominant. But not dominant like in being an insensitive asshole. Dominant as in being full of passion. Dominant as in being full of ideas and directness in both move and speech to create the sexual tension.

If you don’t feel comfortable with this thought, that’s a huge sign. It’s definitely time for you to give dominance ago. This is probably the area where you have the most room for improvement. I’m also going to suggest a certain amount of faking it. True self-confidence takes a lifetime. Until then, fake it till you make it.

Soo there you have it. Now you know everything that women complain about to each other and also what you can do differently. And if you take my advice, it’s not only about her and your ability to increase her pleasure. By following the above, I’m sure you also will enjoy it so much more.

10 Keys to Boost Sexual Confidence In The Bedroom

Men feel pressure to have sex with only the most beautiful partners, and also to be confident, high performance lovers EVERYTIME. But what if you are just a regular guy that sometimes feels shy in the bed? Read how to boost your sexual confidence in the bedroom!

1. Stop overthinking

Guys how think how to be more confident in bed are usually the same guys who tend to overthing stuff in general.  The bedroom is definitely not a place to overthink things. Women hate when a guy is overly logical, too controlling, and overly analytical. In bed, you should get in touch with your inner animal and follow your instincts. Forget about your fears and just do what you want. Don’t think “Should I kiss her there or somewhere else?”

Don’t ask too many questions. If you want to do something exciting in bed, do it and observe your partner’s reaction. Don’t be afraid of rejection. If she doesn’t want to try something, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want sex. Relax and follow your sexual instincts – look, touch, hear, taste, and smell her.

2. Treat sex as a regular activity

You are not alone. A lot of guys, especially younger ones, get anxious when it comes to sex. They think they need to start acting differently, forgetting that sex is a normal activity that all people do like eating, laughing, or sleeping.

Don’t make a big deal out of it. It’s all about having fun and spending time with your partner. Comfortably progress from one step to the next, while acting like yourself. Act like everything is normal. Instead of seeing sex as the center of your universe, make it one of your goals. Make it a natural part of your relationship.

3. Speak to Your Partner

Easier said than done. Maybe, but not necessarily. Speaking to your partner aims to rekindle your relationship so that all the underlying issues can surface. You can sit and have a heart-to-heart conversation with your partner. They might have accidentally said things that you didn’t want to hear that affected your self-esteem. Although they did that without any harmful intention, their words or actions hurt your feelings.

How to do that?

Before having that conversation, make sure to organize it in a place where you feel calm and comfortable. It would be much better to open up at home, than during lunch break or in a restaurant. Tell freely what your partner did and how it affected you. Make sure that you speak about what you felt without blaming them. Not “You are so careless, you hurt my feelings!”, but “When you said that, I felt sad and didn’t want to go on.”

4. Learn About Sex

Interestingly, modern media has created the assumption that now everyone knows everything about sex. However, that is just an assumption. Movies, especially porn, create delusions rather than present what truly happens. They can even affect your confidence and make you feel less capable. In this case, remember that people on the other side of the screen perform mainly due to drugs for sexual enhancement and shooting from the right angle.

How to do that?

Your learning should start from your own body and explore how you can use your sexual organs to please yourself and your partner. You can take courses from certified doctors or visit a specialist in a men’s health clinic in Canada to learn new techniques, poses, obtain toys, and even new types of sex. Professionals would give you the right advice and training on how to prepare yourself for some new adventures. Remember that the more and the better you know something, the higher is your confidence that you can do it well. 

5. Make It Seductive

Over time, couples start complaining that sex has become something ordinary. They are not longing for it; it is a practice between chores and sleeping. This may lead to your confidence taking a dip, especially if you are more worried about your partner’s satisfaction than yours. Consequently, you can also stumble upon the situation when you find yourself thinking of performing a porn scene but genuinely having the desire to do a Disney-cartoon-inspired kiss only. This is a tell-tale sign that you need to spice things up.

How to do that?

Make the space you frequently have sex mean something magical, even sacred to you and your partner. Change the design of your bedroom, for example, clean it, put on some candles, and have excellent, slow, seductive music playing. You can also try a technique called edging. This is a type of masturbation when a man practices to stop when he is about to reach the climax. Many claim that this sexual exercise results in more prolonged orgasm and better ejaculation. This gives a chance to enjoy every bit of the process and discover new sensations while in bed.

6. Be Open to Yourself and Your Wants

Has it happened to you that you catch yourself thinking about everything but sex while in bed? Your report, your work, and other responsibilities have cluttered your mind. Women do sense it and often take it as a sign of them being unattractive or not good. So being open about your everyday worries and doing some mind hygiene would help focus on sex. Also, if you can go the extra mile and be open to your wants and desires, it would take your sexual life to a more advanced level.

How to do that?

Make sure that whatever and whoever doesn’t have to do with your sexual performance stays out of your bedroom. This applies to children too. You need to teach them to knock on the door by you knocking on their door. Also, don’t let them sleep with you when they want. Set clear boundaries because inviting children to that sacred space between only you and your partner is a point of no return to a secluded bedroom. Also, what about offering your partner a new pose or movement that you have learned or seen. They may be reluctant, or you may discover that your partner wanted to invite you to experiment too. If you don’t ask, your rejection chances are 100%, but if you ask, they might get 50% or even 0%!

Confidence is mental testosterone. It spices up every sexual intercourse and makes it exciting and wanted for both partners. At the end of the day, you want to have a fulfilling relationship and be satisfied with your performance. Both of these need your investment in the form of being open, willing to try something new, and keeping your sexual relationship growing.

7. Play with her

During sex, going slower is usually better than too much, too fast. Delay gratification and build sexual tension to make her want you more and more. Tease her. You are more likely to turn her on this way. Stop for a while, lean back, and just relax. She will probably get even more turned on than she already is.

Make her ASK you for sex. “Please” is a great word — so teach her to use it. Stay cool and collected and you’ll make her CRAZY about you. I don’t have to add that a woman asking you to please her more will be a confidence booster.

8. Don’t compare yourself with anyone

When it comes to giving and receiving pleasure, it doesn’t really matter how you look, how old you are, how much money you make, how tall you are, or what you weigh. Once you’re in bed with a woman, it doesn’t really matter. How you make a woman feel depends on how you act.

If you want her to experience a mind-blowing intimate situation with you, forget about your hang-ups. Don’t think about her ex-lovers or male pornstars. Just be there and then, focus on her, and follow your instincts.

9. Exercise to feel better about your body

A well-maintained body, alive and vibrant, is one of your most reliable assets when it comes to sex. If you are fit, you won’t be as tired in bed, so you can please your partner more. Read How To Be Fit When You Are Busy.

10. Don’t idealize any woman

How to be more confident in bed? Don’t idealize your partner.

Be aware that women have even more pressure on their appearance, age, and weight than men. They often have a negative body image, so they can be insecure and shy. Most guys get fooled into believing that just because a woman is gorgeous, she’s also extremely confident and honest. When you accept the reality that people are people, a beautiful woman is just another person.

To make it easier for you to approach women, you have to take them off the pedestal you put them on. If she ends up in bed with you, what could be a bigger confidence booster? In order to satisfy her better and gain more sexual confidence, communicate with her. Learn what she likes and become the best lover she has ever had.

If a woman is naked with you in bed, what other proof of your attractiveness and manhood do you need? Stop overthinking and have fun!

About the author Patrick Banks

Patrick is a Berlin-based dating advisor, motivational speaker, a huge fitness and vegan diet enthusiast and the main editor at Wingman Magazine, specialised in men's health. His ultimate goal is to share with men around the world his passion for self-development and to help them to become the greatest version of themselves. He believes a healthy body and successful social interactions are two main keys to happiness.

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