You’re walking down the street, and out of the corner of your eye, you see her.
She’s got style, beauty, and a smile that would make Rachel McAdams blush…
You ignore the excuses that pop into your head, like “She probably has a boyfriend,” “She looks like she’s in a rush,” etc.…
…And you work up the nerve to approach her…
“Hey, I saw you walking past and you caught my eye. I had to stop you and say ‘hi’. I’m Dave.”
“Oh, thank you. I’m Ana.”
She doesn’t seem super excited – instead, just a little confused and surprised.
At that moment, you feel an intense pang of awkwardness. Your legs are shaking with a bit out of nervousness, and it seems like she feels awkward too.
You have the sudden urge to end the conversation and walk away. At least that way, you can escape with some dignity. Plus, you won’t have to feel this uncomfortable moment any longer.
What do you do in this situation?
If you’re like most guys, you either 1) end the conversation and walk away or 2) snap into interview mode, start talking fast, and completely kill the flirtatious vibe of the conversation.
It doesn’t have to be this way though. There are ways you can work through the initial awkwardness after approaching a girl, have a good interaction, and connect with her.
That’s what this post is all about.
Let’s dive in!
The 10-Second Rule
Most of the awkwardness of the conversation will be at the beginning. Specifically, within the first few seconds.
That’s typically because of you are nervous. For her, she’s probably not in this situation very often. And for you, you’re talking to a pretty girl so there are bound to be some nerves.
That’s where the “10-second rule” comes into play.
It comes down to this: the moment you feel awkward, stay in the conversation for 10 more seconds.
Whether it’s at the beginning of the interaction (which it usually is) or further along – just get through the 10 seconds of awkwardness without walking away.
What you’ll often find is that the awkwardness was either in your head, or that it wasn’t all that big of a deal anyway.
Once you get through that 10 seconds of awkwardness, it becomes much easier to connect with her and continue the conversation.
Plus, you won’t abandon opportunities where you could have grabbed a beautiful girl’s number and set up a date!
Reframe Your Nervousness
The way you feel about your nervousness also contributes to the awkwardness. You see, it’s normal to be nervous when you approach a girl. Even now sometimes I get some little nervous shakes when I do it.
The problem is, most guys look at nervousness as a bad thing. They’re afraid the girl will pick up on their nervousness and reject them and/or see them as unconfident.
Can you relate to this? It becomes a vicious cycle, where you lose focus on the girl and the conversation, and instead focus on whether or not she can tell you’re nervous.
The key is, you must reframe your nervousness, so that you see nervousness as a good thing instead of a bad thing.
In reality, it’s usually just a sign that you’re attracted to her.
So, how do you reframe it?
Instead of thinking, “Oh damn, I’m so nervous right now,” think, “Okay, I’m just attracted to her and that’s alright. This is necessary for building chemistry and connecting with her.”
By doing this, you will be more at peace with your nervous feeling – more willing to embrace it instead of beating yourself up over it.
This will allow you to be in the moment and communicate with the girl with a sense of presence. She’ll be able to feel that you’re actually there with her in the conversation (instead of in “lala land” worrying about your nervousness).
Sidenote: it really doesn’t matter if you’re nervous when approaching a woman. In fact, it shows even more confidence and boldness. She’s thinking, “Wow, this guy is nervous, but he’s not letting that stop him from going for what he wants.” You should never be ashamed of living through your own intentions and going for what you want in life.
Slow It Down
At the beginning of the interaction, your tendency might be to speed things up. You start talking and moving faster, because you feel like you need to get it all out there before she walks away.
The result? She won’t fully understand what you’re saying, and you’ll come off as very unconfident and insecure.
Again, this makes thing awkward.
Instead, you should aim to communicate with a sexy vibe.
A big part of that is to talk and move slower.
When you talk and move slower, you captivate people and especially women. They hang on your words and actions, anticipating what you’re going to do next.
(Compare this to the guy who starts speeding through “interview mode” questions whenever there is a pause in the conversation.)
So, talk slower than you think you should be talking, and then talk even slower. Experiment with it a bit and notice how women’s reactions change.
Have Conversation “Nuggets” in Your Back Pocket
Once you ask the usual “What are you up to?” question, what do you say next? Does your mind draw a blank? For most guys, this is the case.
The awkward “I should probably walk away now,” feeling starts to set in. But again, it doesn’t have to be this way.
That’s why it’s good to have some conversation “nuggets” in your back pocket.
And by “nuggets”, I mean things like assumptive statements. With these statements, you simply make a guess about 1) where she’s from 2) what she does for work or 3) what type of person she is.
It doesn’t matter if your guesses are right or wrong – either way, they make the conversation more fun.
Here are a few examples you can use:
- “You seem like you’re from the Midwest.”
- “You seem like you do something very creative.”
- “You seem like a fun, adventurous kind of girl.”
These statements are a quick way to transition from a moment of awkwardness to a moment of connection.
There you have it. After you approach a girl, some initial awkwardness is okay – even expected. But it shouldn’t cause you to walk away or ruin the interaction.
Instead, you can use these tips to get through the initial awkwardness and connect with women.