“I am a total package. Seriously, why am I still single?”
This was a seemingly reasonable question I overheard the other night. But to truly appreciate its gravity, let me set the scene.
Meatpacking district in Manhattan, which is like its own planet where only beautiful people are allowed to live. The restaurant where this question was posed is the pinnacle of that planet: statuesque Amazon models in dizzyingly high heels and gravity defying mini-skirts sipping colorful cocktails named after beautiful celebrities. Next to the Amazons are financiers, doctors and lawyers in their finest Zegna suits and shiny Manolos.
The suits are doing their best to chat up the skirts while appearing only vaguely interested. The skirts, in turn are shooting melancholy looks at the suits through half raised foot-long eyelashes. Both sides pretend to be only slightly interested, yet the conversation and the gin flow freely and, at least outwardly, effortlessly.
None of those people was pondering the dilemma of loneliness, except for the Total Package at the table next to me. He was in his late thirties with a noticeably protruding belly and quickly disappearing hairline. He was sporting a pair of khakis with a checkered dress shirt. Inside the pocket of the shirt was a blackberry.
It’s not that he wasn’t interested; the whole time he was speaking his eyes did not stop shifting from one Amazon to the next. Unfortunately, he never approached them, choosing instead to unburden his sorrows on his married friend (the wedding band gave it away), who, in turn, was trying very hard to concentrate on the Total Package instead of legs and boobs.
Why Am I Still Single? How To Get a Girlfriend By Tweaking Your Mindset
I often hear “Why can’t I find a good relationship” ? The reason why you can’t find a good relationship is actually based around a very simple concept. So many people out there have over complicated this topic that people do not know what to believe anymore.
In order to to find the right person for you, you have to be happy being totally alone and step on your path to a path to enlightenment, before letting someone else seriously into your life. The number one way to find the right person for you, is to come from a place of abundance, and not scarcity.
Here are some shocking statistics:
- There are 100 divorces every hour in the United States.
- One in seven divorces are resulted are granted as a result of adultery
- Einstein’s Nobel Price Money went to his Ex-Wife as a divorce settlement.
So what’s the problem? Why are so many marriages not working out? Even relationships among the younger generations are not working out as much too. People cannot seem to keep a relationship. WHY??
There have been so many reasons as to why this is the case, but experts claim that the biggest reason is social media and online dating services like dating websites and dating apps. They say this is the answer because it is so easy to reach out and connect with a new potential sexual partner. But this explanation is not getting to the root of the problem, which is simply that people are ending up with the wrong partner.
So why is this Total Package single? I am about to get brutally honest. So those of you that are easily offended, please skip to the end of this article. He is single BECAUSE HE HAS NO GAME!
Yes, it’s that simple.
There is no lack of women in New York or any other part of the world. There is no lack of women in New York who would be happy to date him. Unfortunately, Total Package is not doing anything to make it happen.
To begin with, he is spending his Friday night in one of the trendiest places in New York. Instead of taking advantage of the atmosphere, he chooses to spend his evening separated from the world at a table for two…. Reality is that unless you’re George Clooney, women will not be making an effort to make their way from the bar to your table. To begin with, YOU have to make yourself available.
And then there is C.I.A. No, I’m not talking about the Central Intelligence Agency. I am talking about the three essential qualities that all men must possess in order to attract women.
If you’re a janitor or a CEO, regardless of how you look or what you do for a living, learn to enter and hold the room with CONFIDENCE. Learn to own whatever it is that you do, and be the best at it.
If you are a janitor, be the best-dressed janitor. If you are an accountant, be the coolest and the hippest accountant. But just be the best you, and believe in it.
I know confidence does not come easy to many men, but trust me when I tell you that it’s the single most important quality to have if you wish to attract a woman. Women smell, feel, and sense a lack of confidence. It repels them more than garlic vampires (bad breath repels women as well, but I digress).
Learn to master your own authentic confidence (not just faking it) if you have any hope of attracting the woman of your dreams.
Be careful, however, not to turn confidence into arrogance. While confidence is an aphrodisiac, arrogance is a major turn off.
I’m not referring to obvious financial independence. (Let’s face it gentlemen, you need to have at least some money to go out on dates. That goes without saying.)
I’m talking about a different kind of independence though. To attract women, you must develop total independence from them. Sound confusing? It’s not really.
Just tell yourself that no matter how good looking, intelligent, or witty the girl is, if she’s not into you, you’ll find someone who is. Knowing that will keep you from appearing needy, clingy or desperate. A woman’s attention and approval is nice, but don’t need it.
Remember, we all want things we cannot have. Appear anxious or trying too hard and you automatically beg the question, “What’s wrong with him?”
While men are visual creatures, women are more auditory. Yes, shocker: men and women are physically different.
A study, completed in December 2013, reveals that women have a higher auditory and emotional response in social situations. So we will not necessarily notice your protruding ears or less-than-stellar abs.
However, the one thing women notice is your overall appearance. If you look like you don’t care, why should she? You may only be able to afford one suit, but make sure it is a quality suit. And more importantly, your clothes have to fit your body type.
Today, most major stores perform alterations and there is always a tailor in your neighborhood. Whatever you do, make sure your clothes fit you like a glove.
Not sure how to dress? Engage the services of a sales person in the men’s department. That’s why they are there. They love sharing their expertise and will be happy to dress you head to toe. Remember, women will notice and remember the way you look. So make sure you always look good enough to meet the love of your life.
To be sure, C.I.A. is not something that comes naturally to many men. In my matchmaking practice, we spend many hours coaching some men before ever introducing them to women. But it’s a necessary skill and, once acquired, the one that will stay and serve you well. And let’s face it, without it, you will continue to spend your Friday nights with a buddy, wondering why you’re still single.
Maybe You are Single Because You Choose Wrong People?
Most people get into a relationship with someone who they simply get along with, they know deep down they are not really the right person for them. But he or she is nice, they are stable, they are a good person in their minds. And I’m sure they are, but this does mean they are right for you.
I don’t believe anyone out there (male or female, but I am writing from the perspective of the male) should be actively seeking out a relationship, or just seeking out fun. I think it is important to simply be present in the moment and be open to anything that comes along your way.
When I was actively trying to seek out a relationship, I found myself trying to start relationships up with the wrong people. I was in the mind frame of “this could work, I will try and make this work”. These words are very dangerous. This is what I refer to as, coming from a place of scarcity, and NEEDING to make a relationship work in order to be happy.
You need to come from a place of abundance, the point when you are seeing a bunch of different girls (or guys), and then you finally meet that one girl who is special. When you start hanging out with this one girl, you don’t want to spend time with those other girls, you just want her. This is a true sign of something special.
There are a ton of nice people out there who I get along with, but I don’t passionately love them. Also, girls are attracted to guys who sleep with a lot of girls. They will never admit to this, but they are attracted to the qualities and behaviors that are associated with being a guy who has lots of girls on the go.
Here is what I mean, pretend this a girl saying these things
- “I don’t want him to be needy” – Answer: date lots of girls.
- “I want him to be really good in bed” – Answer: date lots of girls and get experience.
- “I want him to totally confident with himself, and not scared of me at all” – Answer: date a lot of girls and get confident with women.
- “I want him to know how to handle all of my emotions and desires, emotionally and sexually” – Answer: date lots of girls.
- “I just want a guy who knows what he wants” (Probably the most common one) – Answer: the best way to any guy to discover what kind of girl he likes, is to be with girls who he DOESN’T like. How did you find your favourite flavour ice cream? BY TRYING ALL THE DAUMN FLAVOURS!! Some people never venture past the basic flavours, and miss out on what their REAL favourite flavour is. But hey, Vanilla is nice, and we are comfortable with it.
I’m not saying you should sleep around when you are officially in a monogamous relationship with a girl, but beforehand seeing multiple girls will actually make you more attractive, just based on how it will make you behave. If you tell a girl that “I am sleeping with other girls”, this will immediately turn the girl off. This is just like someone telling a girl “Hey I’m rich” Which will also turn the girl off.
Being rich is an attractive quality in a man, it shows success, power and leadership. Sleeping with other girls also shows success, power and leadership. But saying out loud will not get you anywhere. Guys who are rich behave differently, Guys who sleep with a lot of girls behave differently. it’s the behaviour and sub communications that girls are attracted to and respond to.
Let’s look at the other side, there are people out there who only want to have fun and to have sex a lot of people. The problem with this is that you may let someone who you really connect with fall through the cracks, someone special could enter your life, but you are so concerned with just having fun you let them go. This is actually what I have been most guilty of in the most recent past.
I feel the need to make a distinction here, there are times where people need to be on their own in order to find themselves, and get comfortable in their own skin again. This is very common after a breakup, and people do need time to go through this process. But I am talking about the people who are just only into sleeping with a different partner every weekend, and that’s all they care about. As someone who has been very much into this mind set, I can honestly tell you that it’s not really the best place to be.
But with that being said, something very interesting among my clients that I see, are the guys who tell me “I don’t ever see my self being in a relationship” Right after they say this, is generally the time when they meet that girl who they get into a relationship with. Why is this? It’s because when you get into this mindset, you are coming from a place of total abundance, you are totally comfortable and confident within yourself. The fact that you don’t need anyone to complete you, is a very attractive quality.
Both “I really just want a relationship” and “I just want to sleep with different girls every weekend” are very dangerous, but I think the most common side, is someone is just seeking out a relationship. By all means date, see people, but NEVER feel like you HAVE to be with someone. Forgot what is normal and what society thinks you SHOULD do.