We all want to know how to turn a girl on. In fact, it’s one of the most important skills that any guy could ever learn. If you don’t know how, your dating life won’t be very fun.
When it comes down to it, there’s a lot of articles online that give you some techniques to turn a girl on… but what they DON’T tell you, is that none of those will work unless you have these two things.
There are two main things that every girl wants – and if you can understand these, and better yet, actually apply them to your life, you’ll have to beat the girls away with a stick.
So, with that in mind, let’s talk about the only two things you need to know to turn a girl on.
How to Turn A Girl On: 2 Things Every Guy Must Know
When it comes down to it, there’s really only two things you need to understand if you want to know how to turn a girl on: value and comfort.
Once you understand these two simple concepts, everything else will make sense.
I’m sure you’ve seen it… those awkward pickup artists who try so hard to turn a girl on, but for some reason, all of their techniques and weird lines aren’t working.
Why is this? It’s because he didn’t have enough value or enough comfort.
Value is simply how attractive you are to her, whereas comfort, is simply how comfortable she feels around you. Sounds pretty simple, right?
Well, in some ways it is simple… but in many ways, it’s actually a lot more complicated than that. So, let’s break it down, and help you understand how to turn a girl on.
What is Value? (4 Critical Components)
Like I said, value is simply how attractive you are to a girl. If you don’t have enough value, it doesn’t matter how many pickup lines you use, or how good your “techniques” are; she simply isn’t going to be attracted to you.
Value is comprised of the four following characteristics:
- Physical Looks (Tall, Dark, Handsome, Jacked, etc.)
- Masculine Energy (Assertiveness, Dominance, Confidence)
- High Status (Wealth, Connections)
- Good Game (Emotional Intelligence, Being Funny, Flirting, etc.)
Each of these plays a critical role in turning a girl on, and if you aren’t up to par in these areas, you need to start doing a ruthless self-analysis to figure out why.
All of these things add up to create your “value.” If we wanted to score this somehow, we can think of each area being from 1-10.
So, the most attractive, high value guy possible, would be a 40. His looks, energy, status, and game, would all be 10/10, adding up to 40.
Thankfully, you don’t have to be that good. Most guys, in my experience, are ranking at a lowly 15/40 or so. This means if you can simply beat this number, you’ll be above average.
If you put a lot of work into yourself, which I assume you do if you’re a regular reader of our website, you can up this number quite a bit.
So, with that in mind, let’s
dissect value, and talk about how you can reach your full potential.
Critical Component No.1: Physical Looks
Your looks are the easier thing to fix, and thankfully, they’re the strongest way to make a good first impression. If your looks aren’t up to par, then listen up, gentlemen.
Looks really come down to three things:
- Working Out
- Proper Style
- Good Grooming
All three of these things are very easy to start fixing right now. When it comes to your looks, your physique is the highest leverage point. Why?
…because if you’re jacked, you’ll look good no matter what. If you’re 150 pounds overweight, however, it doesn’t matter what you wear… you won’t look that good.
I recommend you start working out immediately. Learn how to lose weight even if you’re lazy, and start finding a good workout routine that suits your time schedule.
Beyond this, start reading up on style. I recommend you go through some Google images and look at how celebrities dress. Find your “image” and make that work.
The best piece of advice when it comes to style, is to keep your style simple. You don’t need to have a bunch of crazy expensive accessories and flashy clothing.
Simply getting some basic colors (black, white, and beige), and then combining that with a nice silver-colored watch (look at Invicta watches) can go a long way.
Good grooming is the same. Just get a decent haircut, keep your beard kempt (if you have one), and invest in a decent cologne. You want to smell great all the time, because scent is a huge attraction trigger for women.
Critical Component No.2: Masculine Energy
Fixing this area is a little bit more difficult than your looks. The first thing you want to do is ask yourself… how confident are you? Are you taking risks in life?
Usually, if you simply improve your confidence and start setting some goals in your personal and professional life, your masculine energy will naturally improve.
Women are attracted to men who are confident. We all know that. They also want a man who is assertive, and goes for what he wants in life.
Without these characteristics, how can you expect to be a good protector, a good husband, and a good father at some point? You can’t. It’s that simple.
Of course, plenty of angry, bitter MGTOW guys hate this… but the fact remains that if you aren’t confident and assertive, you won’t get what you want out of life.
Sometimes it’s easy to get angry at women, because they aren’t attracted to you… but ask yourself: “If all women find me repulsive, what’s the common denominator?”
The answer is, an unequivocal: “I am.”
If you aren’t attractive to
women, it’s your own damn fault. So man up, get your ass out there into the
real world, and start going after what you want, on both a professional and
Critical Component No. 3: High Status
Next up, comes your “status.” This is basically how far up you are on the social hierarchy, and depending on the environment, this can change.
That being said, there are two main things which comprise your status:
Human beings are social creatures by nature… we need connections with other people not only to feel happy and satisfied, but to live our lives to the fullest.
When a girl sees that you have cool friends, and that you know a lot of cool people, it naturally triggers attraction in her subconscious. From an evolutionary perspective, her brain is telling her that you are a guy who can help her survive and thrive in the world.
Depending on the environment, what constitutes status can change. In the professional world, for example, being a lawyer or a doctor is the pinnacle of status.
Everyone loves a lawyer, right? How could you not love a lawyer or a doctor? Across all cultures, jobs like this are unequivocally high status.
In sub-environments however, such as in a club environment, nobody gives a damn what you do. Instead, it’s the DJ, the promoter, and the bouncers who have all the status.
As a dating consultant, I get a lot of guys who are very financially successful, and who get angry when they go to clubs or bars, and aren’t treated with that much respect.
This is why, however – in a bar or a club, nobody cares about your “real world status.” They care about the status you have in this particular environment.
Understand this, and you will understand how to turn a girl on.
There is, however, one thing which is universally high status… and that’s having money.
I’m not saying that women are “gold diggers” or anything of that sort, because some are, and some aren’t – but money is universally attractive, no matter who you are.
As Henry Kissinger, a successful American politician and diplomat once famously said: “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,” and he could not be more spot on.
When you have a lot of money, it signals several things to a girl:
- This guy can keep me safe
- This guy can provide a good life for me
- This guy can take care of our children, if we have any
- This guy is most likely very intelligent and hard-working
All of these things are very attractive… and while it’s EXTREMELY important that you don’t lead with your money in a relationship, it isn’t a bad thing to show it off here and there.
Critical Component No.4: Good Game
Ah, the classic tripe of pickup artists everywhere. “It’s all about the game, man! If you don’t have game you don’t have NOTHIN!” they’ll scream and shout.
Well, this isn’t entirely accurate… but it’s also pretty close to the truth. I’ve seen plenty of guys who have high status, look great, and have strong masculine energy… but a lot of them have a complete and utter lack of social awareness.
“Game” really comes down to one thing: your charisma. Without charisma, it doesn’t matter how wealthy or good-looking you are. You won’t be able to attract a woman.
I still advise that guys focus on all four of these attraction triggers (looks, masculinity, status, and game), but game is often times the “missing key” in most guys’ dating lives.
Your ability to empathize with a woman, make her laugh, and make her feel good feelings when she’s around you, is the #1 determinant of how attractive you will be to her.
A lot of your game simply comes down to recognizing when a girl likes you. It’s about looking for the signs that she’s attracted to you, such as:
- Touching You Constantly
- Giggling At All Your Jokes
- Finding Excuses to Sit Next to You
- Looking Deeply Into Your Eyes
These are known as “Indicators of Interest” in the pickup artist world, and they’re some of the biggest signs that a girl is attracted to you.
Another key component of your “game” is being able to make a girl laugh. As the old maxim says, if you can make a girl laugh, you can win her heart over. This is 100% true.
Women are emotional creatures, and while men and women are equal in dignity, they are beautifully different in how they feel, think, and experience the world.
For a man, seeing a cute girl with a hot body is a turn on. For women, talking to a man that can make her laugh is a turn on. Women are more oriented towards how you make them feel, rather than how you look.
…and again, this is coming from the professional fitness model, here. I understand how attracted women are to six pack abs, but I also cannot understate how important game is.
When a girl shit tests you, you need to be able to pass her tests.
When she opens up to you, you need to be able to open up back to her.
When a girl starts talking to you, you need to be able to build a connection… fast.
It’s really all just common sense. Game really comes down to having strong social skills, and the way you build them is by going out… a lot.
Try new things. Expose yourself to new environments. Go out clubbing on the regular. Design your life so that you’re always around people, and your social skills will naturally flourish.
Comfort: The Missing Key
Now that we’ve established what value is made up of, let’s talk about comfort a little bit.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where girls are often sexually harassed, and sometimes, even afraid for their lives.
This is why being able to build comfort is so important. Even if you’re the most attractive guy on the face of the earth, if she isn’t comfortable with you, then she won’t go home with you.
If you want to know how to get laid, then this is the key. You need to be a high value man, AND be able to make her comfortable around you.
There are three ways you can do this:
- Spending Time With Her
- Demonstrating You’re A Protector
Each of these is a very powerful way to build comfort, and in fact, two of these ways will not only build comfort in her eyes, but also build value.
So, with that in mind, let’s dissect how to build comfort with a girl.
Girls understand that guys often lie to get in their pants. In fact, there’s a ton of guys out there who will act confident and talk themselves up, but when it really comes down to it, they’re only manipulative dudes looking to lie and cheat their way into her pants.
This is where pre-selection comes in. Girls understand that sometimes, it can take time to tell if a guy is “safe” or not. Women are slower to trust a man, than men are to trust women.
One way that you can show you’re a safe guy, is by using something called pre-selection. This is the idea that other women have already selected you, and it’s extremely powerful.
Let’s use an example here. Say you just met a girl on Tinder, and she gets your Instagram. She doesn’t really know who you are yet, and if she can trust you.
Yes, she’s attracted to you, but she wants to know more about you, to know if she’ll be safe or not. Then, she goes on your Instagram, and BLAOW – there’s pictures of you and other girls.
What do you think will cross her mind? I’ll tell you what: she’ll realize that you’re safe. Creeps and rapists don’t have any female friends, because… well, they’re creeps and rapists.
So, if she sees that you have other girls interested you, even if they’re only friends, she will unconsciously start to understand that you’re SAFE.
This is why pre-selection is so powerful. Girls don’t hang around creeps and weirdos, so if you can show her that you have other women you’re dating, or a bunch of female friends, she’ll naturally begin to trust you.
Why? Because if all of those other girls trust you, then she’ll realize that you’re safe. If a bunch of other girls think you’re safe, she’ll believe you’re safe, as well.
Spending Time With Her
This is the most common way to build comfort with a girl. This one is pretty simple, too – all it means is that you spend time with her. It’s that simple.
This can mean you go on dates with her, it can mean you talk with her for a couple hours at the club, and it can also mean you just text and/or call her a lot.
Like I said, girls need to know you’re safe before they sleep with you… so one of the ways you can do this, is by just spending time with her as she gets to know you.
Demonstrating You’re A Protector
While this doesn’t always happen, when it does, it’s by far one of the most powerful attraction triggers in all of existence.
I recall an old sitcom where some guy had a date with a girl. He had his friend act like a robber, and then beat him up, when he was on the date.
Think of this from the girl’s perspective. She’s on a date with some guy. She doesn’t really know him that well, but is at least somewhat interested in him.
Then, out of nowhere, a robber appears, demanding money. She’s terrified. She doesn’t know what’s going to happen. He could end up killing them both, and raping her.
Then, like superman, her date beats the robber up, and asks if she’s okay.
Of course, she will IMMEDIATELY be 10x more attracted to that guy, because she feels safe with him. She trusts that he can protect not only her, but their children, if they have any.
Often times, safety is the biggest turn on for a woman… so keep that in mind, gentlemen.
Demonstrating that you’re a protector can come in many ways. The most common is when a weird guy tries to hit on her and won’t go away. Simply asking him to leave, or making sure that he goes away, is a HUGE turn on for a girl.
I remember I was out at a bar one time, and the bartender and I were hitting it off. Then, out of nowhere, some creepy guy came up and started grabbing her hand, and trying to hold it.
She was very visibly uncomfortable, but couldn’t really do much, because she didn’t want to be rude to a “customer.” I recognized this, and stepped in.
The guy was drunk, so I distracted him by grabbing his hands, and spiking his emotions.
“Dude, that would be SO COOL if you had a tattoo on your hand right there! Wouldn’t that be so awesome?” he took the bait, hook, line, and sinker, and started talking to me.
I shot the girl a look, and I could tell she was extremely aroused. Again, this is where social calibration comes in. I saw that she was uncomfortable, and demonstrated that I was able to protect her. That was a huge turn on for her.
She gave me her number shortly afterwards, which demonstrates my point. When girls know you’re willing to keep them safe, even if it’s something as small as shooing off creeps, this is a very powerful attraction trigger… and she will love you 10x more for it.
Summary: How To Turn A Girl On
In summary, there’s only two things you need to understand when it comes to turning a girl on… value and comfort.
With enough value and comfort, you can make any woman attracted to you.
The key lies in the balance, though.
Too much value without any comfort, and she won’t feel safe enough to go home with you. Too much comfort without any value, and she’ll slot you in the dreaded friend zone.
For most guys, it pays to focus on increasing their value first. Start lifting weights, work on your appearance, set some goals, build your confidence, and start crushing it at life.
Once you’ve got a high level of value though, take the time to get good at making girls feel safe.
Making a girl feel safe with you, and making her feel like you can protect her if shit goes down, is the best way to win her heart over.
Girls want to feel safe in an unsafe world… and if you can be the guy who they trust, and who can protect them, they will reward you with their love a thousand times over.